She On A Roll !

Its a feel good post this one.

Roswell Girl centered.

She was in a dance competition for Teachers' Day.Out of 3 groups,her group WON!!!! The other 2 groups were nowhere as good as hers.Along the way,I'd daresay she was the best individual dancer technically and even had the best style.She beat the others hands down,including those in her own group and I ain't saying that just cos we're close and I find her way cool.She really is good.

Shake that,shake that,girl.

Later on in the afternoon,she went for her final driving test and she PASSED! Damn,the girl is on fire!

I'm so pleased for her.Seriously I am over the moon that she's happy.She is estatic !!

So now she got her car licence.Good for her.

=)

A kick-ass dancer with a licence to run that fine engine of hers.Oh and she can drive too. Okay,that was a little crass.My bad.

I just saw the trailer for Barnyard.Saw the preview months back.Been so busy with school that I only realised that it starts screening today when I saw the trailer on the bus on the way back home today.I wanna watch it.I wanted to watch it since I saw the preview months back.Looks funny.I'll look for people who wanna come with.

Today for the Teachers' Day performance,the new intake acted out their skit.Bad microphones did not help.It went well enough and I'm proud of them.It could have been better I admit but like I said,I'm proud of them.

Roswell Girl.

Go girl.

Conflicted

Ooohhh..I just gotta vent today.Not mad,just a lot on my mind.Well,I was mad earlier in the day but it has cooled now.

It all started when I overheard Roswell Girl talking to her galpals in the class talking about going out and having dinner.I didn't get to hear clearly who she was with.Whether it was with her (ex?)boy or a new guy.That's not the point though.

What it is is that I felt green.Jealous.Yes,I admit I was.I had that knot in the stomach.I had to reproach myself.

These were the days that I told myself would come.Days where I would feel the hurt,hearing her going round with a guy that's not me.

I just felt plain crummy.

But I reminded myself of the promise that I made.That I would still be her friend and put on a figurative 'business as usual' sign around my neck.

I had the chance to prove that later.It was during rehearsals for Teacher's Day.She was dancing and there was the one move that she was doing,with her back to the audience.

Her buttcrack was visible.Rather crude indeed.All you pervs can just sod off.

I could have done nothing.I could have enjoyed it.But I didn;t like the idea of pervs getting a free show on that day so I messaged her about it.She replied asking more about it and I told her to be careful to not let all the jerks in the crowd get a free show.

It wouldn't be surprising if she had said thanks.Which she did.The next sentence was the one that got me.

'You are a true friend =)

That just reminded me what I was in it for.It was bittersweet.Her words made me feel all warm and glowy inside cos she appreciated that I took the noble route.Yet the phrase 'true friend' told me once again that I was a friend and not something else that I wanted to be to her.

There was a point where I was 'mad' at her.Natural reaction.Lol.I was 'mad' at her cos I wanted her to be mine but she wasn't.I looked at her from afar and just pretended to not care.Throwing a tantrum I guess =0

That was before the messaging.So obviously I was okay by the time I messaged her.

There are times where I resign myself to just being her friend and other times when I want her so bad.I'm so confused.

On her birthday,I gave her the card and the brownies.Decided not to give the bear.Also added a Friendster testimonial.Maybe I'll get the opportunity to give her the bear some other time.

Hoped she liked it.Especially the cute kitty on the card.

Back to today,I'm just so confused it's almost like I'm suffering from a split personality disorder.

Sometimes I'm okay with being just friends.Most of the time I'm not and I want her BAD.

Fall Down To Wish Her Well

Today was the celebration of my grandma's birthday which is actually tomorrow.A whole bunch of people were there.All family.The grankids had the biggest representation.A whole bunch of us were there which made it fun.All of us(or at least most) were grown and big.We took a pic with her and it was nice to see us as a big group.

My gran's birthday is tomorrow,same as Roswell Girl's.If I'm not wrong,she was gonna celebrate it with her boy.I don't know what she did with her family.

I am her friend right? So its right if I say that I hope that she has fun with him and get to have a great celebration,just like how I did today at my grandma's.

Birthday card is ready but not written on yet.Brownies' will be bought tomorrow.Bear will bought as soon as possible.Maybe the smaller one instead of the medium sized one liked I originally planned.

I went out on Thursday with a Roswell Girl and a groupmate to source out stuff for our Entro project.Roswell's boy followed and it looks like he's back in the picture.Roswell was certainly acting cute with him.She was so into him.She didn't show it much but I could see it in her eyes.They didn't act inimate though.It was just that she was very playful

Oh I wish she could be playful with me.

Remember I said that I talked to a classmate about what was going on and she did say that Roswell was a very committed person in a relationship.Her being playful with him was just because it was her natural self.That's how she can get when she's committed to someone.

My friend went on to say that her boy was a sweet-talker and managed to convince Roswell Girl to come back to him.EVEN IF HE SEEMED TO WANT TO DISCARD HER BACK THEN !!

My friend added that her boy was a very lucky guy to get a girl like Roswell Girl.

I couldn't agree more.

So what I saw last Thursday is supposed to be some sort of message that I should back off and just let things be.

If it really is so that she's back with him then I will back off.

I should know to fall back.I do have something to fall back on.It's the fact that we are good friends.

That's something I should be greteful for,on the day that is her birthday's eve.

Hmm..the title of today's post sounds like a title of a song from a alternative rock band..ala Fall Out Boy or New Found Glory.

Penning It Down

Yesterday was the 1st time I met the 'executive producer' for the video production I was gonna be in.

It all looks cool and fun but I know its gonna be a lot of hard work as well.And I'm not just saying that figuratively.

I was contemplating my 'speciality' in my CCA.How did I ever end up being labeled a scriptwriter when I have not written one in the past.Granted,I have language skills to help me but I have had no prior experience.I haven't even done a WHOLE script by myself.The two that I have helped in were the Orientation Skit and The Valentine' Day skit.The bulk of the script was already done and I just helped to finish them off.

I'm not that confident when others tout me as the 'scriptwriter'. Yes,I do imagine myself emulating Davd McKenna(who was brill with American History X) or even something as prolific as what Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have done.

I always could write but I gotta step up to the plate this time around.I still belive my best piece of work was my O Levels composition paper.I've always had a sanguine disposition towards English as a subject back in secondary school.Articulation is something I try to achieve as well,whether it be in the written word or the expression of an idea.

I guess I'm 'stuck' with this expectation and I simply have to meet it.

Will update later tonight on Roswell Girl and the about turn I have made regarding her birthday.

Indecision by kHaI yet again?

Hmmph...me and my shenanigans.

As The Saying Goes

Post #200. =)

Today is MJ's birthday so I gotta do a shout-out.

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TO HER!!!!

LOL.

Just looking at her latest Friendster pictures and reminiscing about how I was so crazy about her.I STILL can see why.But hey,she's just a friend.Didn't get anything for her.Feel bad.But like I said before,even when I was hyped out about her I had no idea what to get her.Much less now.

One thing she cute fo' sho'.Many guys will be after her.Good luck to her with that.Having to sort out the real deal from all the riff-raff.

I got my own story.Turns out there ain't much difference in it.Roswell Girl seems to be just as untouchable at times.I can be friends that's only from a certain distance.Any closer,she seems untouchable,despite her friendly demeanor.

*I have to make a correction about the previous post.When I wrote that I was gonna tell a girl in my class about me liking Roswell Girl,at that point,the girl in question already knew,as in,I already told her.

Today I told another girl in my class about the Roswell Girl story.She's the inseprable 'twin' of the 1st girl that I told.I'm quite close to them both cos we're all in the same group for our Entropreneurship module.

She said something to me about Roswell Girl.It was thing same thing that Roswell Girl said to me when we were talking about MJ.

'If it's meant to be she'll come back to you'

How ironic.

And Then I Said "...

Ho...it turns out that the team I'm in didn't make it to the finals of the competition.Initially I thought I would be happy cos I'd have more time to do other things like..study.But after yesterday's meeting with the group,where we decided to go ahead and do our best to get into the next round and getting ourselves geed up despite even with me being hesitant at first.

So we went for it.But we didn't make it.The thought actually ran through my mind.

'How ironic it would be that affter a last minute concentrated effort,we may not make it still' I thought yesterday.

Huh,whaddya know.

Anyways,next in line is the video production.Looking forward to it.But I'm sure there will be tough days.Hope to learn a lot though.

Moving on...

I'm trying to slowly talk to a classmate about the way I feel about Roswell Girl.Kind of nice that I can tell someone who I would say is in some sort of a loop with Roswell Girl cos they're in the same clique at school.I haven't told her the whole story yet.I have told her that I am looking for a suitable time to do so as soon as possible.Tomorrow likely.All the teasing she did about us,it was true,on my part at least.

All this talk about Roswell Girl...

I have not stated it here even though I know that tomorrow is MJ's burfday.

Yes it is..recalling how I was so flustered last year about what to get her and how to work up the nerve to give it to her.Decidedly,its much easier to give it to Roswell Girl.Well,cos first things first,she's a real close friend,unlike MJ unfortunately.As much as I wanted to,I never got close to MJ.

She's a gal I hope stays blessed.I know that she's on a different path right now but I'm still looking out for her.Friends do that.I didn't forget her.

When I was fretting over it,I hardly had any idea what to get her.It's way worse now.At the very least I'll drop her a friendly testimonial in Friendster.

On To Other Matters

Got back from the national competition yesterday.Slept over in school before going for it the next morning.Dog tired but I have to point out that others were feeling it even more so cos they didn't sleep at all.

For now or till Tuesday(results day) at least,as far as I'm concerned,the competition is over and I'm not gonna dwell on it.

Good news was that Roswell Girl did come along after all.Made my day a whole lot better.Even if she doesn't know.I'd like her to know exactly why but if she does would that ruin anything?

Ahh,I'm still gonna give her the prezzies.As a friend.Way I see it,it's the same story as MJ's.There's always gonna be some guy interested in Roswell Girl.It sucks but I can't blame them,can I? Just look at her and that endearing personality of hers.

Scholarship(cash for the prezzies) still hasn't come through.Mom knows about the impending(bloody slow!) arrival of the scholarship,so I may borrow some cash and then pay her back later when that thing does arrive.

New season of the English Premier League is upon the masses.I feel that some semblance of normality has been restored in my daily life.Don't mean to be dramatic but I guess I'm used to football being on the tube on a weekly basis at least.

United kick off only tomorrow at 8pm local time.Will be hoping for a confident start.

Wondered why I couldn't just be confident around girls.Girls I like I should say.Only 2 so far MJ and Roswell Girl.I should be more confident.Definitely with them and definitely with future ones.Though I wouldn't complain if Roswell Girl gave me a reason for that to not be a pressing issue.

I'm All Messed Up Now

It's 710pm according to my comp clock.2 post of the day.

Just wanted to say that I've been feeling crappy the whole day.Must go to school though.To study and make it to polytechnic.

2nd sleepover tomorrow night.It looked to be a grinding week till after this Friday and I was dealing with it till I found out from Roswell Girl that she wouldn't be coming tomorrow.I won't see her till Monday.I think she was supposed to follow us to the competition venue but things happened and she's not anymore.

Also wanna say that the teasing is irritating not because it is.But cos when people tease me about me and her,I have to deflect and not let people know that I actually wished what they said could happen.

The only time I'm GENUINELY annoyed by the teasings is when she's around as well.I'm afraid she will get mad that she becomes the target of jokes just cos of me.That might drive her away from me.Those times I really do see her as a friend who is being innocently derided by others,all because of me.

I'm still missing her.

Even if,at the very same time,I'm aware that she's not missing me.Or at least thinking about me even.

Where Is This All Going?

Skipped school today.It was just one of those days where I didn't feel right.

Roswell Girl missed a step down a flight of stairs while in school yesterday and sprained her ankle.Now she's out of commission for 2 days.Today and tomorrow.That means that I won't see her till Monday.When she comes back on Friday,I'll be on approved leave the whole day for the national competition.Then there's the weekend to endure before Monday comes round again.

The national competition is on Friday.Hopefully we don't make it through to the finals.If I put things into prespective,I came thru this school to get to polytechnic.And this competition has done more than its fair share of impeding that goal.It may sound cold and selfish but that's the way I see it.

It ends on Friday so as things stand I'll be free for this weekend.

I was just walking with my CCA friend one of these past days and I suddenly I realised that I really missed hanging out with my usual friends.These guys from my CCA are great but there had to be a balance.One that wasn't there.Presumably,I could spend more time with my old mates if the competiton wasn't around.

I feel like I've abandoned them somehow and I don't feel good about it.I think they don't feel it much cos they're still in a group and one man down doesn't make much impact.But its the things I used to that I don't do anymore which I really missed.I know sacrifices have been made for the sake of the competition but today I just really missed the past.

I'm sitting here missing Roswell Girl and fully aware that there is nothing of that sort on her end.

What torments me is asking myself how much of that playful taunting,veiled comments and and quiet smiles from friends and even Roswell Girl herself is real.Am I on to something here or is it all a painted fabrication? A pretty picture on a hollow frame.

There are times when I feel like I need to tell somebody about all this but when it comes down to it I can't find the right words.I need to know what's going on with her.What am I doing here.Does she want it? Is it all in my head?

Somebody tell me...

Its sorta different from missing MJ cos I know when I'll see Roswell Girl again.

Somehow,even at this point,I'm still looking at her as a friend.Simply because I know that that was what I saw her as first.Things may never happen but like I said I'll just be a friend if that's all I am in the end.

Oh,never thought I wanted Monday to come round as fast as this.

=(

Learning From The Past To Help The Future

Back from the sleepover in school.Knackered again.Slept at 230am and woke up around 715am.Not too bad.Room was way too cold though.Filming day is on Friday so I'm gonna be exempt from school the whole day then.A 2nd sleepover in school on Thursday night.

**** its tiring.Whatever happened to being slack?

I want my break.I want to concentrate on studying.And I want my scholarship money so I can splash cash to reward myself for the stress.Nothing wrong with being self-indulgent every once in a while.

On my way back from school and passing through the mall nearby,I ran into my old secondary school Maths teacher.It brought back memories.It made me appreciate him more now.He may not have been my favourite teacher.I mean he was just alright.But I acknowledge the fact that he tried to make me love Maths as a subject and to understand it.

Even though,I failed him by not making it,I was thinking back about a buried goal of mine.

One day,when I have the luxury and time to do so,I will revisit O Level Maths or even Secondary Maths,irregardless of the syllabus and pass well(at least a B) so that I can be proud that I exorcised one of my demons.

He may not know it but even though he failed cos I failed,he did make me realise the joy of overcoming obstacles and imbue with the realisation that I'm not gonna give up on this.One day,when I can,I will do it again.

I finally managed to pinpoint the reason why I might be reluctant to buy birthday prezzies for Roswell Girl.

It dawned on me that I still was unclear about her status now.Is she back with her old flame? The thing is,I'm not sure she knows either.So,I was worried that it would be too strong a message simply because of how it would look I did what I did while she had a guy.

Conscensus on what I should do seems to be that I should get all 3 prezzies.Just what a friend should do at least.I just thought of disguising the Mrs Fields' cookie/brownie gift as prezzies for Roswell Girl and a classmate cum projectmate,whose birthday is tomorrow.

It makes the whole 3 prezzie thing more safe to execute.Questions will be raised if/undoubtedly will be when Roswell Girl gets 3 prezzies whilst the rest get nothing more than sincere well-wishing.It is because of this that I'm afraid of Roswell Girl's reaction.

Of course,I could give the prezzies when the rest are not around.This would mean that I would have to look for windows of opportunity.

Anyways,these tiring two days have been put in prespective by the goal of O Level Maths.I'm working hard now so that maybe I would be in a blessed position that would allow me to persur that goal.

Looking back at where I was when my old teacher was part of my daily life in school and comparing that to where I am now,I feel that I've grown,in a metaphorical sense.I just wonder if he would have been proud of the things I'm doing now.It's the same as asking yourself whether you would be proud of yourself if in the future,you look back at the things you are doing now.

Every once in a while.A scent catches my nose.It's Roswell Girl's scent.Her perfume.The one that she had on when I went out with her the other time.Remembering it makes me happy at such a pleasant thought but makes me miss her.

She smells good in that scent.

Only When She's Not In Sight

It's a Friday. Same old stupid CCA stuff.Can't be bothered to elaborate on the routine.

Gonna go on a bittersweet for a short while.

Been trying to ignore Roswell Girl as much as I can in school without making it too obvious.Its for my own good.It is an attempt to not be hung up on her so much.But still,when I'm back home I do find myself missing her bad.

I'm figuting out the conundrum for her birthday.Whether to give prezzies,what to give and when should I give them.Right now I'm giving the bear with the card on the Friday before her birthday and Mrs Fields' on Monday,the actual day,as a 2nd surprise.

My CCA friends (the two that know) say that I should give her the bear.I should do it cos I should at least do it now and not regret it later.

They do have a strong point.

Not much today,off to sleep for me cos I'm knackered as it is.

This Beautiful Ride's Gonna Hurt

Would I like it if MJ and I were meant to be together? I would no doubt.But she's not exactly receptive.I have said,in the future,if things do happen,you won't find a happier guy than me but the reality is now and for now,things aren't happening.

These past days I've been reflecting on what my CCA mate said.Remember she said,I have to be strong if I were to do my absolute best to stay close friends with Roswell Girl.For I would see her being with other guys,guys attracted to her and perhaps more hurtingly,guys she's attracted to as well.

Now recently I find myself reminding myself of this fact when I'm around her.Only just yesterday,while I was sitting with her druing a break with our friends.Our legs came into contact(one of each) because there wasn't much leg room at the table.I could have pulled away and sat with legs together but that would mean that I would have been sitting awkwardly.The contact between us was platonic and accidental but I found myself wondering how wonderful it would be if there was anything in there that was desired,done on purpose.

Then I had to painfully remind myself,till any clear indication from her,me and her are just friends.

If I could sidetrack,for a while for clarification's sake,what's the difference between this and MJ? Well,for one,Roswell Girl and I are actually friends that interact with each other at least often enough.

Like I was saying,the reminder was painful but it was equally painful to sit there and do what I did,stealing glances at her,trying to picture her with some other guy and then cringe within to find out how much dislike I felt inside.

I wanted to be with her yes.But does she even wanna be with me? That's a whole different story.But I'm thankful that I'm still within close proximity and I hope to be in her life,in the picture,for a very long time to come.If that's the case then I have to be prepared to hurt.

The difference with MJ is that she was never in my life enough for it to hurt.This hurt I'll see again.I wanna when time comes for us to part ways in school.I hope my path converges with hers.

Oh God it's so easy to sit her and talk about being thankful to at least be friends but nothing more but its sucks to think that it could be nothing more.Beneath all that cuteness,there is also an aura of untouchability that comes with that cuteness.

I'm just the poor sap that she was kind enough to befriend.Rather than wallow in self-depreciation however,I shall say that I am what I am and all I'll do is be befriend her back and do my best in hope of something more.If you notice,ever since I've wrote about her here in this blog,I've been saying how great a gal she is.

So,it would a surprise that I would find her great enough that I would be enamoured and taken by her charm? That I would not admire her,even as a friend?

Of course not.

Finding My Way

Things felt a little down today.I just wasn't feeling the vibe somehow.I didn't feel that good and I felt that to put on an act of perkiness would have been fake.I just felt it was too tiresome to pretend to be chirpy and talkative when I wasn't really feeling that way.This feeling spilled over from last night,when I didn't get much sleep,something was weighing on my mind.

As I previously stated,I do have a couple of ideas about prezzies for Roswell Girl.But ever since yesterday heaviness settled in,I realised today what it was.

I was afraid that I was getting myself into a mindless,futile chase with Roswell Girl.Just like I did with MJ.There's not much difference between the both of them if I look at it from a specific point of view,in which Roswell Girl is just much friendlier and features more prominently in my daily life.They're pretty in there own ways and they're just as popular.I was afraid that I would sink in the same unending bummed out chase that I was in before.

I was also wondering about the prezzies that I wanted to get her.Should I get them? All 3? The custom-made teddy bear,the card (a definite) and a Mrs Fields' brownie n cookie birthday pack? I don't mind the card and the brownies but would the bear would be too strong a statement? A statement with suspiscion of a hidden agenda?

My mate says that I should get the bear as I'm doing it platonically anyway.Just as a friend.That I shouldn't worry about how she would interpret it or any reprecussions that may come.Personally,I do wanna give her that bear but I'm just afraid that she may think that I'm hinting at something more about the both of us.Which,admittedly,I would like but I don't want her to know,cos it could change the friendship dynamics and make things awkward between us.

I'm also worried about myself.About my true intentions.Yeah,I wanna give her the presents with full sincerity but do I have any hidden agenda? I'm hoping against hope of course, falling into the abovementioned chase as I do that.

What I mean is if I go and do this,would I just be setting myself up to be hurt in the future.The solution is to really just remind myself that I'm giving her whatever presents I give just as a friend.I must be smart in the way I give them so she won't find it too awkward and scare her off.

Hmm,maybe I'm overthinking things like I usually do.Maybe my mate is right,maybe I should just take caution to present the gifts in an innocous manner.I must especially take care with the bear and put in messages of friendship to indicate the notion of friendship that comes with the gifts.

Must wait for the scholarship cash to come through first though.Should come in before the 23rd of the month.

I was just down today,even with Roswell Girl around.I'm still wondering where I'm going with her.I'm wondering how I should feel about you babe.

My CCA friend did say that if I really treasure the friendship and don't wanna make it awkward,I shouldn't try to start anything with her.But if I really like her and wanna take a chance,than its up to me.If I do and it works of course it's good.But if I try and things don't work out and then things would be weird between us.

She says that it will hurt,if we stay together as friends in the future to see her go round with other guys when I'm always around.Its like a front row seat to see my heart break.But she says that I no doubt,have to be strong if I really treasure her and her friendship and I will have to bear with it no matter how strongly I feel about her.

It's not just about the birthday but also how I want myself to relate to her and the birthday would seem to an indicative event.

Birth Days

The day started off on a mundane note,leving for school to do props for a while.Went with CCA mates to eat lunch.

The 3 of us that were left after a few went off at various points of the journey then went to the Esplanade Mall to check out this shop that I've been wanting to go to for a while.

It's this shop where you can customise your own teddy bear with different clothes,you can name if and get a birth certificate as well as put in a prerecorded message or your own personal message in the bear.What I really like about this concept is that other than the stuffing,you can put little momentos like a personalised message or a small gift in the bear as a surprise.

MJ's birthday is coming up.So is Roswell Girl.Have a few ideas for the latter's birthday.But quite clueless about how to approach MJ's birthday.I got a card for Roswell Girl,the teddy bear thing and Mrs Fields' brownies as ideas for Roswell Girl.Not using all of them course.May have to consult my friends about MJ's case.

For the first time in a while I can see that she really likes this guy that she's crushing on now.I wish it had been me but it isn't so I wish her all the best.

Forgot to say yesterday that I was all alone in the CCA room.Everyone that was around had either left on errands for props or were on their way to work.Suddenly I found myself flying solo and I had to clean up the CCA room all by myself.I had to psuh back the benches that actually needed two people to push them but of course I slowly put it all back into place myself.I had to return the visual equipment that we had borrowed to do the props and lock up the room and return the keys.Spent almost an hour on it.

Tough.

Anyways,its very likely that I'll buy the teddy bear but only if my scholarship,which I know I'll get,finally comes through.Its around 30 bucks for a medium sized bear minus the addons I mentioned earlier.Its reasonable stuff.

Hah,if my mate's reading this,I know I still owe you last year's present.I remember it still.

After the Esplanade,we went somewhere halfway between there and the train station to just sit and rest for a while.Loads of people were walking past.

One of my friend who will be involved in this year's National Day as a crowd motivated remembered that they were doing rehearsals for it.It was just for the fireworks though so it was kinda special and people were going to the waterfront area near the Esplanade to go and see.

But even from where we were standing,we could see the fireworks display.It was really special.I heard that this year's display was gonna be great.Roswell Girl's gone to the preview and my CCA mate was a motivator like I said.

And it was nice.It was spellbinding.Much better as compared to the ones for the past two years.
A cacaphony of gunpowder booming and the bright flashes of firework designs filled the air.

Nice way to end a day that started without inspiration.

In The Face Of Angels

Today was just another normal day.At least I'm coping and not finding it a drag,which would make days at school at lot worse.

Something funny and cute happened today during lunch in school.I was sitting with Roswell Girl and two classmates;girls.In the midst of all the talking and joking,Roswell Girl turned to ask me a question about something.As I was answering,I could hear the other two making noises at the side.They were like making exploding noises,like fireworks going off and thudding noises,like a heart pumping faster and faster.

It was indicate to the chemical and emotional reactions of lovers.Those two were showing obvious hints that we were lovers.Haha.As if that wasn't funny enough,they took it up a notch by making silly mushy voices and acted out a scene between two lovers,with corny,exaggerated actions and even a part where one person fed the other,full of i love yous.

Hahahaha.It was really corny but it was cute and funny and I liked it.I really did.

But did part of me think that it would have been nice if anything like that happened with a sweet girl like Roswell Girl? Yes.

Haha.But,chill..I have to be realistic.And I am.Just something nice to daydream about.

My mate told me that,together with another mate of mine,that they are in agreement that I could just forget about MJ and just go for Roswell Girl.

I get what you mean guys.But..sigh,wait.Somehow I think they're right.But I don't want to completely let go.Not yet.I don't know why.

I know that infatuation is of a fickle nature.It can appear quickly but dissipate just quickly.I feel that I'm beong so fickle when hearing songs that used to remind me of MJ,slowly now,I find that Roswell Girl comes to mind more often then compared to before.

I guess this is the part of a person that enables him to get over a breakup but in my case,dissolve the infatuation.

I still try to keep updated of MJ's situation.I know that she's crushing on this guy now and I have to say it did give a catalyst in favour of the Roswell Girl situation.What I'm doing is mving on.She's said that she wants to be just friends and I've been waiting for more than a year.I can't wait.I wish her well.

Sigh,I do wish that things would have been simpler.That MJ would have liked me back.I wouldn't be saying what I just said.

If she comes to me in the future,it would be a different story.Not if I'm attached of course.But if I'm single and she comes looking,I'm open.I guess somehow I'll always be waiting while my status still allows me to.

Infatuation brings you to her,love is what keeps it going.

Follow Peace Through Chaos

Dang,whatta day.

Turned in last night around 3am,only afer finishing up the work for the Entrepreneurship module.Woke up at 615 to get ready for school.Stole in a few minutes of work with Roswell Girl on my laptop before the morning bell.Continued it during the Entrepreneurship lesson.

After lessons finished at 11,we proceeded to work on the project for the Office Administration module from 11 till 3.

At 3-ish,I went up to the CCA to work on the props for the national competition.Not too much work.After doing what was needed to be done,I just chilled with snacks and talked with CCA mates.At 630,Roswelll Girl came back to meet me after she had finished practicing her dance routine,which started at 3.

We headed a few bustops over to a friend's house.She had been MIA for a while due to an operation she had recently undergone.But she was keen to do her part for the Office Admin project.Despite complications,we managed to get things moving and we did so till 10.

Taking the bus,I reached home close to 11.

Talk about having to multi-task.So many different projects to keep in mind.

Everytime I get tired,I just tell myself that I'm doing this to get to polytechnic,to get further.Calculate,Khai,calculate.

Spending a lot of time around Roswell Girl.In my mind,I've managed to control any delusions in my head while I'm around her and keep a cool head.

I don't need her but I find myself wanting her.To grab her round the waist when I'm sitting behind her,to hold her hand,to caress her arm when it's next to me.

I can control myself better now but these rare moments are impactful.

God,why do I seem to conveniently forget the fact that she's back with her boy everytime I'm around her.

I'll leave with a saying.

'If you're meant to be with some one,that person will come back to you no matter where they go.'

Not to be set in my infatuation but I wouldn't complain if she came back.

Walk With Your Head Up To See The World At Your Feet

I received a jolt today.It dawned on me that I had settled into school life.Yeah I know I have.But today I realised that maybe have become too comfortable with it.

Remember when I was saying a few months back about achieving my symbolic goal of being in Rome and that I viewed this as a long-term goal which I could use give me the drive that I needed to ace this course and make it to polytechnic.

Over the past few months,what with all the work involved with the CCA and the various projects that the syllabus enforces me to undertake,I may have lost sight of the future.I still had the drive to succeed of course.But there have been instances in this past few months on which I reflect back upon,enjoyed myself too much.

Sometimes I do feel that things have been dumbed down for me and that I have not been intellectually-challenged during my time here.Yes,I have learned many new things about the business world and also developed socially with being in a CCA.But somehow,I haven't felt that rush in a while.

Just last week,I bought a copy of Newsweek.I used to get it weekly for morning reading material back in secondary school.It was intellectually enriching to be reading about current world issues,I admit,I had a bit of a headache at the end of it but I like it.I felt good.

What I'm saying that I just got reminded that I could do so much better.

Not that I don't appreciate where I am now.I've met great people in my class and my CCA.On that note,I have to include a special mention for Roswell Girl,the blessing in my planned two years here.Regardless,of whatever develops or does not develop between us,I am grateful that our paths crossed.

I just got too sucked in into life at where I am now.I think what I need to do is to put a little less fun and approach school with a method that is cold,hard and calculative.

There is still the danger of being sucked into the life that ITE is tagged with,despite its ongoing image makeover.With all due respect,I want to just do much better than this.

If that's not enough,then all I have to do is remember that that Rome goal,there's no point in me being there alone.The whole goal of being able to have the luxury to travel the world,Rome was picked because of a particular reason.

I'm aiming to go to Rome,I've said long before.With my baby girl,whoever she may be.It's for her and I wanna be at a place like that with her.Have I met her yet? Maybe.Wouldn't find me complaining if that's the fact.But maybe I haven't so I'll wait till I do.

I gotta do this to get there.I just gotta do it in a better way.I'm doing good.But I could do it better.

Me, Her & Work

Well two days in and it seems to be set that I will be surrounded by work,whether I want it or not.

Finally crossed off one niggly project today from my elective course,Personal & Interpersonal Effectiveness.Had to do a small presentation.Showed them some German words which I said I would learned.Did it and got it over with.I had to skip the first two lessons this morning though,to finish off the presentation slides.Heard I didn't miss that much anyway.

The other niggly project for another elective module,Thinking Skills,is a lot easier than I had expected.Basically,I heard that as long as a report is submitted,I'll pass.And I'm exempted from the 2nd project in that module,having already participated in a school event in the 1st semester which cancels off class hours required for that module.

The entropreneurship module is moving along again after some stalling due to CCA activities. The project component for my Office Administration module is slowly getting there.Bit of work to put in this one but the report is done,with the presentation slides needing work now.

The CCA has reached a manageable level.Doesn't mean that work for the CCA will tail off.Except for that break of a week and a half recently,I don't think work has ever tailed off ever since I joined it.

In fact after school tomorrow,I have to be present at a meeting for the Office Administration project,a meeting for the national competition and also be present at the Teachers' Day project managers casting meeting.The last 2 are CCA-related.

Just another mundane school day,where nothing happens.Haha.

Oh yes,did outline work for the slides for the Office Administration project today with Roswell Girl and 2 other classmates.Was in close proximity to her.There were times when I slipped and allowed my mind to wander and dreamt about being more close to her,socially not physically.

But most of the time I found myself at a cross of pretending not to be affected by the fact that she's back with her boy and just looking at her and just wondering what it was gonna take to get through to her.

It wasn't good but it could have been worse.Lets see what happens tomorrow.