I'm Coming To Collect

Damn buggers from IKEA haven't replied to my email still.Must pursue this further.

There's something that's a little off.Nothing major.But she's down about something.It's something I hold in confidence and I can't really mouth off to the masses.It's hit her hard but she's done well to hide it in public.But because I know,I can see the difference.

She wants her smile back.I would give anything to put the smile back on her face.But because of the nature of her troubles I can't.If I do,it may seem like I'm trying to 'muscle on in'.I want to help,truly.But the fact has always been there irregardless.I fancy her.I'm afraid my sincere intentions to help may be misconstrued as something more underhanded.Even I'm not sure of myself now.

If I go and try to help to cheer her up when she never asked for me to do so,does that mean I'm being pushy,despite my intentions?

But on the back of the birthday card that she gave me it is stated,'good for 27 more smiles, guaranteed.So I guess I have the option on 'collecting' on that,cos I want her to be smiling again.

Throughout the composition of this post I've been asking myself what to do all in my head.And perhaps I've come to a decision that I should go ahead and try to cheer her up.

Misconstrutions be damned !

Even if she feels now that the only way for her to be smiling again is to be with her ex,I'm not going to care about that.All I'm gonna think about is that this girl is down and I'm gonna try my best to lift her spirits.Whether they succeed is not as important as the intent to try.

Question is how do I go about it?

Will she open up to me? She told me that she doesn't want to keep reminding herself of her sadness.But maybe sometimes,letting it all out may be the best thing to do.How do I not convince her but rather make her believe that letting it be better for her in the long run,as much as it would hurt.

I want to help her get her smile back.

Candy Fears

Yesterday I needed Roswell Girl to print some stuff for school.As reward,I decided to buy a few bars of chocolate that I thought she would like.It was a little hard to give it to her cos I didn't want the classmates to fuss on about it and make it bigger than it was and then tease us about it.

Twice I had the chance to give it but I held back.Then as she was going home with her group of girls,as the chance was slipping away,I just thought I had to do it.To prove to myself that all this talk about new bravery was not just hot air.So I gathered whatever courage I could,called out her name,ran down the stairs and went on to give the the candy,saying it was my way of saying thanks for the help.

I was afraid that she would recluse since it was in front of all the classmates but all she did was smile and said thanks and that it was sweet of me.Not inhibited but one that was sincere and nice.

Gosh,darn,like so many other occasions before,I had nothing to fear.It all turned out well.

I was also just reminiscing about the times when she was feeling blue or down about something, even if I tried to keep it,all notions of fancying her would be banished as if they never existed.I would instead be concerned for her plight.

I wonder why I do that.I find myself having that question in my head.It may mean I'm too much of a nice guy.

But hey that's me.I'm not gonna make any apologies for it.If she was gonna fall for me,I wanted to be with me,not some fake ass poser.If she doesn't,(boy! that would hurt to be really honest),I wouldn't be able to do anything else except wallow in misery.

At least I would have my integrity.

Although it seems so distinctly easy to just say integrity-schmintegrity...

Misery for company, such joy to the guy that she decides to get with.Notice I never said that some guy would get her but rather that the guy she chooses to let hang with her.

What Matters At The End

Oh dag-nammit.

I don't know.That seems to a key phrase for me in matters of the heart.

I am so afraid that she is slipping away.But if she is I won't give it up that easy.I made the same mistake before.I'm not gonna do it again.Especially not for one like this.

I've had thoughts recently.Was the heartfelt letter nothing more than a polite rejection? What does it mean? I've always wondered.Is her heart still with her ex?

If it is,then how do I deal with it? Maybe I give up.Or maybe not.Maybe I don't start another wretched note of my negatives.

For somehow,I've managed to gather courage.I'm ready to try.If only God would fate it that I would have a shot or two.I would then take it.

Why the sudden bravery? Well because,I don't want to let it slip away while I just sit there afraid.I've spent the early part of my adolescence afraid and it's enough.

I'm sick of pussyfooting around and actually this time,I may actually think it's something worth going for.I certainly run the risk of falling flat on my arse.But sometimes I do that without even trying anyway.

I honestly think that she's worth it.

But wait.But what if it is a rejection.

Ah the lovelorn fool shall rise.Mouth from One Tree Hill.It's gonna fecking hurt loads and I don't know how I'll get through it but I shall have to.

I shall have to say that she goes to be with him and be happy.And I'll try my best to not let her see how I feel inside.

It would be a waste if all this courage came to nought.

At least she'll be smilling.

Oh Reflection, Wherefore Lies Thy Courage?

When Monday rolls around,there will be 3 weeks of school left in this term.

By Monday I have to pass up my Career Development & Planning job kit.

Marketing Proposal due in two weeks.

More on that.I was initially the inital project manager but the leader felt it best that I take the lead since our product is more known to males,what with it being soccer shoes and all.

Well lets hope I can do well in this role.

Oh yeah,on Monday I was gonna have to take Approved Leave from school,like I mentioned before.It's for a dialogue session with the college principal and directors,involving CCA leaders.I think Roswell Girl went on her own before with other class reps,with her being valedictorian in ours and all.Yeah she's sharing the spot with 6 others in the school at the moment but you ought to know by now,she'll always be top in my book any day.

It is time to revisit my resolve to be more like Mouth from One Tree Hill.Always admiring from afar.There,but never close enough to the girl of his dreams.Yet he carries on in blind faith.Some may say that if I do that,I would be a fool.As only one would say,in matters of the heart,perhaps I am a fool.Certainly,I never claimed to be otherwise.

I was leaving school last Friday with Aini and I let slip that I knew that Roswell Girl slept peacefully at night.No thoughts of me whereas I was quite the contrary.I said this,encapsulated in a sentence.I didn't realise that 'severity' of the sentence.By the time I did,I tried to stop myself but I had pretty much said enough for Aini to know that I kinda think about Roswell Girl...a lot.....

It was a drastic statement to make.

I wish I was braver.

Oh wait.I do wish.But I KNOW.I KNOW I CAN BE BRAVER.When it comes to HER.I don't want to make the same mistakes like I did with MJ.I wanna go for it.Maybe it's because, I honestly, sincerely believes that Roswell Girl really is worth it.I want this story to end differently,unlike the one before.Then,nothing happened.But it begs the question then,will it be a tragedy this time or will it end in gladdening triumph?

I just want to try is all.


P/S I have this newfound respect for Paul Scholes.A world-class soccer player.A legend in the making.Incomparable success.Deservedly well-off.Yet he remains an absolute down-to-earth.Prefers his family to the call of fame (infamy).I've always respected him of course but it just got me thinking of how much of a family man he really is.How much he loves his wife and kids.Must be a wonderful family he has which lends credence to him as a human being.Much respect.

Make My Move

Yes,the Internet and cable is back on.That's a big relief.Missed loads with the cable out.

Yeah so I got my scholarship.Mom wanted me too pay off the bills so I had to use it almost immediately but I trust I'll be getting it back when I get my monthly allowance.

I'm not sure if it's on yet but I should be making my way to Vivocity next Wednesday with Aini and Wahida.The latter has already expressed interest in dining at Swensen's and I'm cool with that.

I sent in an email to Ikea's HR Dept,asking for details of any part time positions available this morning.I should be getting my response by 2 days the latest.Perhaps tomorrow.This job is crucial for my expenses.If I do finally get one,it would signify a major landmark in my life. Particularly if I hang on to it for a couple of months.I would be more financially independent and that would open up a lot of doors for me.

I'm supposed to go and check up on that Basic German course today with a mate but our schedules barely allow for it.Damn,lets just get started and see if it's suitable for us.If it is,we should go through with it as quick as we can.

The SGEM thing is over and done with.Got through it with problems abound.But honestly,I've moved on.Was never too affected by them in the first place anyway.

I was planning an outing with Roswell Girl to go watch the movie 'Open Season'.Emphasis on 'was'.I vaguely that I've gotten her to agree to it via SMS but that was a while ago and right now I 'm not sure if I should follow through.

Maybe she's forgotten about it and if I bring it up now it may make me seem desperate cos I've kept it in my mind all this while.I don't know.

But certainly,a worse fate would be to have our friendship to fall into awkward decline because we don't know how to face each other.

Well,I do.I want us to face each other warmly with genuine smiles and twinkles in our eyes because we both know that despite revelations,the friendship that we think we have is indeed deep and real and not because I just fancied her.

I'll probably really face up to it after the Vivo outing,where hopefully I'll get my jacket as well.

Taxi Drivers Rejoice

Late cable bill again.Only will be paid on Tuesday according to my mom so that means that I won't have access to cable or Internet till then.I'll miss a lot of my weekend shows.Including the Man Utd game.If my mate's around and his house is freed up from people I may go over and watch the game.Liverpool's game will be playing simutaneously but he has 2 or 3 TV's in his house so that's okay.

I got news that I'll be getting my scholarship on Monday.So that's good.But I'll wait till it's reflected in my bank balance before celebrating.But I have to go all the way to somewhere far to get it before going to my school's admin office to report that I actually have received it.All in the morning,before school starts.

I'm getting sick of all the school leave I'm having to take this semester.Already taken four at least.Now,within the next 8 days I'm gonna have to take another three.Damn,if I do that,I'm gonna miss more lessons.And I don't want to do that.If circumstanses allow it,I may choose not to take all three upcoming days of leave,just 2 maybe.

Yesterday was quite a day.School from 8 to 3.After that,I had to take a cab to another campus to attend the songwriting workshop.It got extended by an hour so I only finished at 6.By cab,I rushed back home to put down my bag and change.Took another cab to yet another ITE campus.

Watched a play there.An adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat'.Not as good as Forbidden City.It was pretty decent.They could have done a little bit better I feel but like I said,it was decent.

After the play,I shared ANOTHER cab with friends to pay visit to a classmate who was holding an open house.Singapore's small but it cost a little just over $19 to get us there.Cost was split.

It was just before midnight when made our way home.I shared a cab,AGAIN,with Wahida,dropped her off before the cab rumbled back to my area.Cost was about $21 bucks.But I only took $5 from Wahida,before she alighted,even though she wanted to give me $15.She felt bad about it but ha,too bad.

So that was my long,active,braindrain of a day.Taxicabs were the order of the day.

Lets do a count.About 5 taxicab rides.At least $53 right there on taxifare.

DAMN...

Going out house-visiting tomorrow with CCA friends.Loads of food and fun.And it doesn't hurt that I'll get a little bit of money as well.How awfully 'Scrooge McDuck' of me...The bad thing about this outing is that Roswell Girl won't be coming.That just kills the vibe a little.

The latest gadget trend is the Samsung Z5 MP3 player.Last seen in the Pussycat Dolls' new video 'Wait A Minute ' featuring Timbaland.Also seen in Fergie's video.Damn this thing is hot.It's got built in speakers.A tad bulky but it should still be able to slip into user's pockets.Speakers are there so that you can share the music you're listening to with everyone around you.But please,only when it's the right time.No need to be blasting out the music just to show off to people.

With my scholarship money,I'm gonna ask my mate to order up One Tree Hill Seasons 2 through 4 and also Entourage 1 & 2.

I should she the scholarship money on Tuesday so that's good.

Now off to the video store to get me through a cable-less,informatiom-superhighway-less night with a couple of DVDs.

Starting Point // Video Work & Love Dreams

Was in the middle of a post yesterday when I mashed some keys by accident and it all got deleted.

Bah.

Anyways,as I was trying to relate,Roswell Girl got another visit from the angels of good fortune.She received news from the Section Head that some generic trust institute have rewarded her for her hard work in the first year of study this course.So she's got another scholarship.A certificate and of course monetary dividends.

Damn straight she should.She's got a perfect 4.0 GPA for the 1st year of the course.As for right now,after 1 year and a half,she's still acing it.Wouldn't be surprised if she manages to make a grand slam of it,keeping the 4.0 intact throughout.

God,someone like her,of course she deserves it.God looks after people like her,just like He should.

When I heard the news,it was no real surprise to me.I'm pleased for her.I'm proud of her.I know that I can't lay claim to that.It's not like I'm anyone special in her life or her family.In a way that I can,I am proud of her.

What it made me do was ask questions about myself.When was I going to get recognition of this sort? That then led me to the belief that I haven't done anything of note to deserve it.

I admit,I was a little inspired by my Section Head's stories of traveling while studying. Particularly the traveling part.Especially the travelling part.

Remember the Rome agenda? I got to start trying to make real progress on that rather than just planning.I've had 3 years worth of yakking about it.

I have to start by getting a job.I hope I can follow through this time.There are possible job openings at the new IKEA opening up.

With that money I can start going for German class.Yeah,it was supposed to be French but there was a change of plans.

Whatever,like I said,I gotta start somewhere.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part Deux

Yeah,so that was the previous post that I wanted to put up.This is today's.

Today was the day when I finally saw the fruits of the production's team labour,all in the name of ITE College Central.The video turned out pretty decent.Had to admit it was a real buzz seeing something that I was so into actually come good.

I had real kick out of seeing my name on the back of the DVD sleeve.You know the part where in really small letters,they put who the executive producer is.

My name was right there under 'WRITTEN BY'.It wasn't as behind the scenes as you would think.I do see my work in the video.Certain shots that were taken by the directors were inspired by the script.

We're gonna get to keep a copy of the DVD for our portfolio too.The launch has been pushed back to somewhere in January too.

So I am happy about that.

Something else I'm not over the moon about.

I had dreams about Roswell Girl.Heck,even my dream persona is missing Roswell Girl.No joke,I remember that about my dreams.And now,it's got me all down.

Not about the fact that she's not mine.That kind of stuff isn't really for me now.I just want to be around her more.I don't want this friendship to slip into complacency.Just like MJ before,where she said we were 'good friends' but the fact is I barely saw her.

It's not that drastic but I know that I mustn't slacken off.I do wanna hang out with her,go out and catch a movie,bowl and stuff.

But I'm not sure cos I'm scared that I may be pushing the boundaries.

It's gone all catch-22.If I don't try she may drift away.But if I try too hard she may think that I was lying about just wanting hang out and be friends and that I am in fact,trying to get at her.
Which isn't true.I am trying to 'get' her but only to be friends.

But admittedly,I realise I may be doing this with the future in mind.What do I mean by that?

It's a no-brainer that if I conduct myself the right way around her and be around her enough,that she may give me a chance when she feels the time is right.

Is it wrong to do that? I feel that somehow it is.But at the same time I don't want to let chances slip by.

Friendship with an agenda is wrong.It should be sincere.Is there vindication for me if I say that truly(as proven in the past) that I WANT to share the load of her sorrows and smile from afar and watch her celebrate her triumphs.Even as I write this,I feel an undertone of honesty behind it.This is how I really feel guys.

I mean,she is my friend.But I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY ADORE HER!

I hope it isn't wrong to be her friend and still want her in that way.

Gosh,can't believe she's got me missing her in my dreams.

It's All About The Money

Projects for this semester

Marketing
Human Resource Administration
Career Development & Planning

The big one here is Marketing.Really feel like I should do my utmost to get an A for this module.

Career Development & Planning is just a little irritating thing.Human Resource Administration is a mundane affair.

Hmm..would have thought I'd have much to say about yet.Not yet perhaps as I have yet to really start on anything.

Anyways.

Tickets for Andrew Lloyd Webber's world-renowned Phantom Of The Opera are already on sale.It will only arrive on local shores in March.It will run till mid-April.

I feel that I should catch it.It's a world class play isn't it? Should be pretty nice to watch.

Ticket prices are killer though. $120 bucks for a first class ticket.

Ouch.

I'm quite interested in geting a job at IKEA.Job don't sound too difficult.I have to start getting work experience and I have got to start somewhere.

They'll help pay for French classes too.

Whether I'll follow through is another thing entirely.

Lol.

Khai, you lazy bugger.

To Pick An Apple From A Tree

I wasn't planning to post up this late a time but something sort of caught my eye.It was my Friendster horoscope.

The Bottom Line
Try to be as meticulous as possible today. Take care of little details right away.
In Detail
It's extremely important that you try to be as meticulous as possible today -- the little details you might tend to get lazy about will come back to bite you if you don't take care of them right away. But you can still enjoy a very relaxing day, as long as you separate your work from your play. Any romance currently in your life will be enriched greatly if you can remember the little things that the apple of your eye enjoys most.

It isn't so much the message behind the horoscope but it was a phrase in that paragraph that stood out for me.

'the apple of my eye'

I know,it's a known phrase but I haven't seen it for quite a while.Long enough for me to find it quite a novelty of a phrase.Obviously referring to Roswell Girl in my case.It did bring a smile to my face to pair her adorable face to the object in the phrase.She is the apple of my eye.If she is an apple,it's the darndest,nicest one I ever saw.

Not that there's any romance to speak of mind you.Still,it's sort of an open secret that I find her intoxicatingly adorable.

Ahh,just finished typing out some documensts.Schoolwork.

Nothing capitavating this weekend.No deep thoughts esconed within a fairly normal weekend.I feel rather apologetic towards that.Ahh,now is not the time for my life to be interesting.It remains to be seen whether this coming school week is able to throw up any interesting incidents.

Tank's Running On Empty

Well this weekend wasn't such a killjoy.Not when compared to last week at least.

Another week of school beckons.5 weeks left.

I got to get down to revision some time soon..Marketing.If I start early,I'm going to make things for for myself.

Initially thought of taking Business Mandarin as an elective this semester.Seeing as how I'm barely making the cut so far,taking it would have pulled me under.

Struggling to come up with something I can look forward to this semester.

Well the only one that comes to mind is graduation.And the graduation party; if they decide to have one that is.

Bummer,not much out there on the horizon is there.Apart from a couple of plays and maybe an essay competition,Chicken Soup style.

God even this post isn't much.It's old rhetoric.

Hmm,I wonder what new developments will arise in the future.Doesn't mean that its not around now doesn't mean that it won't come up in the future.Something blog-worthy I hope.

Especially for school.If not for Roswell Girl,it wouldn't be much at all.Now that the CCA is sort of winding down for the year.Nothing frenetic.Not till the new intake's about to come in.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings I'll Be There

I'm back from a whole day out.

Haha.Managed to get my Batman belt.Another one struck off in the list !

Spent the early part of the afternoon dealing with the songwriting workshop.Met Farah at the train station and made our way there.At least she's there this time to be able to discern the song better as a singer,rather than just me there as a songwriter.

I'm not sure but I think there's an open house at my teacher's tomorrow.Would be going if all the right people are going.

Some of my class girls are also rounding off,visiting one another's houses.I would very dearly love to join but something's holding me back.It's not them.I like my classmates very much.Perhaps it's the fact that my house isn't exactly visit-ready.I wouldn't feel right visiting others' houses when mine isn't ready.

Even the prospect of being around Roswell Girl doesn't seem to sway me.

I don't know if I'm right but my gut (more likely paranoia) says that something isn't/wasn't right.I got this vibe from her last Thursday and I haven't had the chance to ask her about it.(I didn't come to school for Friday.)

I wanna see her bad.But I also know that I have to keep my distance and not cross a certain line.To allow her to live her life.Cos if I'm around she'd be careful not to be too open about any developments with guys.Even if it's with her ex.

I think she misses him.No surprise.Whether she hates it and wants to fight it off,or she is embracing it,I'm trying to make me promise myself and her that I'll be there with a smile,just like she wants me to be.

Maybe I'll see her this weekend.Maybe not.

When I do I should have a ready smile.

I Got My Very Own

There are many ardent followers of One Tree Hill,I'm sure like any other show,you've tried to find a way to make it relate to your life.Not time to get into a slanging match between The OC and OTH (there's always the DeathMatch ring for that).

Been hooked since I spent many days cooped up at home during secondary school.Or it was probably my self-study year before ITE.It was showing on the local free-to-air channel at 5pm.So not that many people were watching it.It only got popular after the cable company picked it up and made it primetime.

Not surprisingly,I've found the Mouth-Brooke Davis angle a familiar road.

Mouth:Common,nice guy,lots of friends.But no real affinity with any particular clique in high school.

Brooke:Equally loved and hated.Uber popular.Top of the ladder in high school.

Mouth has always had the biggest crush on Brooke but he has always kept his distance because of the disparity between them in the social ladder.Brooke 'knows' and she always had an open smile for Mouth.Mouth appreciates this and he grins and bears it,watching Brooke always go with the popular crowd,guys included.

He remains Brooke's unwavering and loyal friend.By the 2nd season he stands out a bit more.Things happen.Her and Mouth are now closer friends.Brooke knows that Mouth is a real 'stand-by-me' kind of friend.

The reason for relating this anecdote is because I recently asked myself 'What now for me? How do I view the Roswell Girl situation?'

Even though she said that she wants to remain single for now,it would be inevitable that a lucky bugger snares her big,loving heart.That I am certain,will be the big test for me.

Now that it's all out in the open,how do I deal with the abovementioned scenario when it comes along.

I have to 'do a Mouth.' That will be my challenge.

She says she doesn't want to talk to me about any guys that comes her way.She doesn't want me to feel hurt or jealous.

It's true I will feel that way.I'm not going to sugarcoat it.But it's also extremely noble of her.

But I feel like it's not fair to her if she has to do that.It's her life and she shouldn't care about how I feel.But the thing is she does.

Still,I still feel it's not right.She will always be Brooke.All I can do is be Mouth.When the time comes,my resolve will be put to the test.

This One Goes Out To

Hahaha..as Intan said..I'mma gonna blog about today.

The SGEM auditions went down today.Given the lack of time and preperation,I wasn't expecting too much.It wasn't smooth.It could have done better.It's one of those times that I have to call it like it is.But no need to fret cos we still have the good part of a fortnight to smooth out the rough edges.

So 'ly-ra',keep your hair on man...you and your singers still have time.

At I write this sentence,I'm listening to Kevin Federline's 'smash hit' Lose Control.In there is a line where he says ,"I married a superstar,never break us up no matter who you are." Yeah K-Fed,you're right,nobody can break up you and your wife.Except you.

Ha.

Roswell Girl wasn't there during the auditions.She was busy rehearsing for her dance performance.Bless her,she's so talented and smart too.I admit,during the time we were agonizing over the tune of the song,at times,I did feel a little funny inside.

Why?

Well,when it sounded right,it made me realise who I was thinking of when I wrote the song.None other then Roswell Girl of course,who else? Would have been a little weird if she had been present.I wouldn't have dared to really look her in the eye,knowing that the song was about her.

Aini says the song is nice and she wants the lyrics.Yeah right.Okay,if she really wants it like she says,I'll give it to her after I've made it all better.

I have not the time to launch a diatribe on the next assortment of projects that are lined up for this semester,ironically because I have to attend to...some project research.

Bollocks,that.

I'll be sure to visit this topic soon.

They're Probably Tripping Over One Another Looking For It

It seems to be curiously odd,the way I went about missing the presentation date for my scholarship.The much-sought one that promised a high payoff.Throughout much of October,the memebers of my household,myself included viewed the checking of the mailbox as a pointless exercise in daily life.

Hence,when notice came for me,I was blisfully unaware.Now that I obviously know about it,fate decides to indulge in a game of hide and go seek with the cheque.Neither the Ministry,my educational institution or the awarding host seems to know where it is.They think that it's all with the other person.

Finally,the person in charge has been alerted,as assured by the ITE representative.But as of this moment,I have yet to make contact with him,seeking reassurance that he is indeed on the case,instead of pushing me to the bottom of his 'to-do' list.

Damn the bureaucratic red tape.What a old school socialist (a rare commodity these days) would sniff at with abhorrence and label simply as capitalist inefficiency.It would be simpleton in nature but I wish that it could be done.That they could just give me another one.And let them deal with their own internal mess.

The old adage about cooperation amongst different government agencies that I often read about in my spy thrillers must be true then.They are apparently incapable of it,even on such a trivial level.

Let me not delve into long winded theorisms (ha! i know,it's not a real word) here.

I just want my money so I can buy a new phone.

If it must come to that,I'm prepared to go to the college principal to ask him to use his pull to get me what I want or rather what I have been awarded.It should be an easy matter for someone of his standing.I heard he was impressed with me before,that should count for something now,shouldn't it?

Anyways,I wanna watch Open Season.I know it's an animation but there seems to be a lack of good movies.Perhaps Casino Royale but James Bond is an acquired taste for the younger generation,used to the exploits of Vin Diesel's Triple X.I heard this Bond film is a much bloodier affair.
Alas,not many fans of Daniel Craig amongst my mates.

I shall take my leave to go help with the SGEM competition (Speak Good English Movement) song.A little tired I must admit but work's gotta be done.

They Sing The Words That Make Me Dream Of You

Just finished watching the DVDs. It's 5-ish am now.Just thought I'd leave a short post cos I barely ever do one at this time.

Barcelona v Deportivo game on the telly right now.

I don't know why but I'm left wondering about Roswell Girl again.Blame it on the songs I've got blaring out of the laptop speakers.I mean John Mayer's Your Body Is A Wonderland. 'You & Me' and 'Hanging By A Moment', both by Lifehouse, and Ryan Cabrera's True,these songs are bound to evoke the sentiment of fond reminiscence.

I hope she's well.At least getting better.

It's been a wonderful year and a half of school.My life has been on the up ever since I entered ITE and she's been like icing on the cake.

But we'll save the nostalgia for another day.I'm set to turn in and go think about her in my dreams.It's been a nice few hours and I'll sign off with a slow one on my music player ..this is Michael Buble with Dream A Little Dream Of Me.

How fitting.

Good night,ladies and gentlemen.

Writer: Me?? Inspiration: YOU!

I don't know why but I'm feeling a little lazy to blog.There also seems to be a dearth of blogging activity among the bloggers i know.Not many but still...

But I shall blog just for the people who visit my blog to help them kill time.

This SGEM event is proving to be a long,drawn-out pain in the ass.I'm supposed to write a song for the singing group in my CCA,which I have.I need them to come together to feel the song,make necessary changes to tone,lyrics.The leader is doing their best but things just don't seem to be going for her.Poor her.Like I told her,when it rains,it pours.

With the song in mind.I went to a songwriting workshop last Friday.The songwriter was this young geezer in his mid-20s.He was cool.Reminded me of a local version of Tyler Hilton, complete with guitar and i-Book,full of music-related software.

He was cool.The way he played his guitar to my lyrics.I think my lyrics are of a barely passable rate.But he sang it and made it way cool.He made my lyrics come to life.He made them sound good.

Damn,I wish I had the voice and the ability to play the guitar.Then I would be able to serenade Roswell Girl.I don't expect her to fall for me because of that but perhaps she would find it nice and it would make her smile.I enjoy that,making her smile.But the best I can do is write her some words,somehow turn it into a song.I should thank her actually.After all,the song is for her,the song is about her.

I don't know how much of it was him being polite but he told me a couple of times that he liked my lyrics.,even said I could make money out of it,writing lyrics.Yeah right.But I did like that he said that he liked the 1st verse of this SGEM song.He said it had a nice flow to it.

Totally rad.

Roswell Girl had a fever (I think) on Friday.Well whatever it was,she didn't come to school cos of it.Bummer,her being sick and all.

It's ridiculous yet it totally makes sense that I'm missing her EVEN IN MY DREAMS!Yes,I remember waking up and thinking about the fact that my dream persona is actually thinking about her not being around and missing her.

Damn,that's one hell of a spell she's got me under.

She said she didn't want to tell me about her guy situation so as to not to get me feeling angry or jealous.I've said this somewhere in a previous post.Really would like to drive home the point that really,despite how much it would suck,I have no damn right to stop her from being with someone she fancies.

I mean,I fancy her.What if someone tries to stop that?That wouldn't be right,would it? Likewise, I can't stop her.

With this update,I'm off to watch more late night DVDs.

Arrivederci.

Life Scripting 101

Happy 19th birthday Kevin.

Wow,so much has happened in such a short time.Such contrast in the events as well.

My grandma passed away last night.My mom's mom.Granted,I didn't see myself as close to her.
There was a gap between us.But the last time thatI interacted with her during the festive season,though routine and it consisted of short questions.I was left with this impression that she was doing her duty as a grandmother.And I appreciated that.

I may have not been close with her but obviously it was a mournful event.But I shed no tears.At first I felt that it was wrong but I then realised that I did mourn her loss by appreciating her like I have stated above.It was my own way of remembering her.

All this have certainly brought me back down to earth.

For before this,I was on a high.The good kind too.

I finally had that talk with Roswell Girl.I was so happy that I got the closure that I wanted.I talked to her on the phone late at night for 2 hours.That's something to shout about! I've never talked to a girl,this special,this late,for that long.

Wheeeeeee!

We talked about everything.

I won't really state everything that went down but there's something that she said that I feel that I should share so you may an inkling of how happy I feel about her.

She related how that when she knew that I liked her,she was a tad reluctant to talk to me about her guy problems or her encounters with guys,fearing that I may get hurt and disappointed, since I like her and all.

She said that she didn't want to make me sad so she didn't go and do that.

There's more.

When I replied with the statement that if she was to like someone,I would have truthfully no right to stop her or get mad at her or whatever.

She took that and went on to respond in a manner most demure,that she is aware of how it is for me to suffer in silence but having to bear it simply because one was willing to let the person one admires be happy with someone else.

Oh my goodness girl...you are a dream.She was talking about things from my point of view.

She has just encapsulated how things have been ever since the first day that I saw her.

God must have spent just a little more time on you

I used to be infatuated with her.I used to be 'in love' with her.I used to say here that I love her big,doe eyes,her cute voice.I still am very much so.

Now,I 'love' her.I love her for her heart that she has inside.

Personally for me,what God did,was perhaps to bring me back down to earth an reminded me about the duality of life.

The high of what went down Roswell Girl.The low of my grandmother's passing.

It's all part and parcel of life.Sounds like a tired old cliche but rather apt,I would think.

Ha,just to leave on a positive note..by the way it's what I really think.

It is with all due respect that I say this.Now,my grandma can join my late grandfather,her husband in heaven.The were both good,pious people.But I literally had a smile on my face when I thought about how they could both kick it together in heaven,just like their own version of Bonnie N Clyde?

Hey,just found out that my grandpa was a kick but guy who escaped from the Death Railway in WW2 and became village headman and even had his own bike,a Ducati.In today's context,it would be like having Valentino Rossi's bike.Was rather affluent back in the day.Way to go, grandpa..lol.

Yeah,I can only hope to emulate the love and respect they had for all those years of marriage.If I get half of what they have,I can count myself lucky.

Bonnie N Clyde.Haha.