Perhaps Post-It Notes Will Do The Trick

Chelsea's got the title again.A sense of apathy somehow overcomes me.Wasn't a nice way for Man Utd to give it to them,getting beaten 3-0.Made it too easy.Once I saw it go to 2-0,perhaps that abovementioned feeling set in after that.Add that to the fact that Rooney to a heavy knock and had to be stretchered off.Extent of damage is unknown and that is scary.That's worrying for England,with the World Cup nearing.Whether anti or pro England,soccer fans should be in agreement that Rooney is arguably England's best player.

There's talk now of winning it next season.Guys, c'mon,we need world-class players.Perhaps in terms of dollars,perhaps not.But definitely world class ability.Midfielders.They have got to stop underperforming against the 'weaker' teams.If not for those times,I suspect the title race would still be alive at this point.

Back to the usual stuff.

I just started thinking today.All this talk about Roswell Girl recently made me question myself on where MJ stands now.

As a matter of fact,I realised that I still feel very much for MJ.I do,really but perhaps,unfortunately,I haven't been able to see her as much as I would like to and that sucks,hinders me keeping up with her happenings but there are times when I wake up and just get reminded I'm still crazy about her.

Roswell Girl is a friend,that I know.But I've already said that she deserves someone great cos I feel that she herself is so great a gal.Sometimes I do wish that I could be that guy but I'm also realistic and at times I realise that she's out of my league but in other ways.Not looking down on myself but perhaps I'm not that great guy that I think she deserves,that's all.

I still am crazy for MJ.Perhaps that message has been lost on me a little cos of the Roswell Girl posts recently.Perhaps that feeling has been blunted a little ever since her bro told me that she just wanted to be friends.But I'm determined not to let that feeling be lost.

Gotta go..I got the munchies,stomach's growling.

What Friends Do Is To Chill

Last day of the rehearsals for the week.One last one next Tuesday before the actual thing on Wednesday.The acting was good but the sound system was a bugger of a problem.Not our group's fault that.

Anyways,it ended at 630pm.To wait out the rush hour crowds,I followed a couple of them to the nearby McDonalds outlet to just chill.It was a bit funny cos it was me and 3 girls hanging out after school.Never done that beforeHad a strawberry sundae and also polished off the remianing half of Roswell Girl's hot fudge sundae.The others said that I enjoyed Roswell Girl' sundae more than I showed.Lol,whatever girls.

Roswell Girl asked for my blog again.Oh girl I wish I could give you the address but then you would find out too much and I would end up losing a friend so I'm afraid not.One day,maybe,I don't know...

It was a bit weird to be hanging out with girls.Shouldn't do that TOO often.It was nice though.While the girls did tend to gossip more,we also talked about very serious stuff including yes,the birds and the bees.Guess the ads from MTV really worked.Nothing dirty but serious stuff instead.

Just talk about it.Blame MTV.

A couple of times today I snuck looks at Roswell Girl and I just thought 'a great gal,a cool friend' Once I did get a little jealous but I very quickly reminded myself that I had promised to focus on MJ.

Not that that situation holds much promise either.I just have to be content for now.

There's something that I've learned over the past few days events with Roswell Girl & MJ.All those feelings and emotions have made me realise that all I can do is improve myself as a gentleman (inspired by Roswell Girl's comments on how she was taken by her new guy's gentlemanly conduct) Perhaps it was brought about by a little jealousy initially but honestly,I believe it to be a sincere goal to be making.One that I would benefit from in many ways.

On that note,I heard for the bloody umpteenth time that I was a nice guy,the girl who got be would be lucky..yada yada yada... from the 2 girls I was slacking with (Roswell Girl had left earlier) but this time they also added the reason that I was able to understand girls as I could see things from their point of view as that of guys.

I shot back and asked how come if that was true,how come no girl has come forward to prove that theory..they said that I probably priced myself too high,out of the market.But I retorted by saying that I had not even tried to put a value on myself.They said that I probably did not even try anything concrete and I wouldn't know anything.

Also they asked me a question which in the end I had no time to answer cos they topic somehow later changed.But at the time they asked me the question of which type I girl I liked,thoughts of MJ and Roswell Girl entered my head.Perhaps its that they know who Roswell Girl is,(the real person,Roswell Girl is just my private nickname for her) I seriously contemplated for a moment or two what would happen if I did say that 'oh,an example of a girl I would like is the type of girl which is similar to Roswell Girl'.

I was watching an episode of Scrubs and it ended with the main character,who had this to say...

''Even if it breaks your heart to be just friends,if you really care about someone you'll take the hit.''

Guess it applies for both the girls,my FRIENDS :(

A Tale Of Two Girls..Same End Result

These are crazy times that we live in.Today was certainly a crazy day for me.Another rehearsal day but that's not the cause.Words and thoughts filled my head with chaos.

So during some free time we had during the rehearsals Roswell Girl and I got to talking and she was sharing her problems with me.Again,I'm afraid I can't go into detail because of the confidentiality factor.All I can say that is she is facing a fork in the road of life.But later,she also revealed that she had got to know this guy that she thinks has the hots for her and she is also drawn to him cos he has a perfect gentleman's conduct.

All right,I'm man enough to admit that I was a little jealous when I heard that.I was angry with myself that someone else had come into the picture.I was like that for quite a while,angry that I never got a chance with a girl I really thought was 'da bomb'.Angry at who,I really don't know.Maybe just at fate that I felt was unkind to me.

I was also angry at myself.I was furious that I had allowed myself to fall in love with not one but two girls.I thought of myself as a 'stupid arse',cos I'm supposed to be crazy about MJ and I wanted it to remain that way,without Roswell Girl not being in the picture.

I hated that someone else had captured her heart and AT THE SAME TIME I was angry at myself for being angry at that cos it showed that I was jealous for Roswell Girl,something I did not want cos I only wanted to have eyes for MJ.

After a few hours I began realising that as I felt that Roswell Girl was a 'top' girl.She deserved not only any guy she wanted but a guy that could give her everything she wanted and needed.I did ask myself whether I could be that guy. I honestly have no idea.All I know is that if given the chance I would try my best.Also realised that she did say she was had started to have feelings for this guy cos of who he was and I had to respect that.If I was a hopeless romantic like I thought I was,then I would definitely have to understand.If I liked her and she had no feelings for me then it would be pointless and I would not have gotten her no matter how much I liked her.

Anyways,she seems to be really taken by this new guy and I told myself that if this guy turns out to be right then I will be happy for her,cos she deserves nothing less.

So,if I do that where does that leave me? Ah,never mind,a small sacrifice is okay as long as she's happy.She is someone who I think deserves to be happy,even if I lose out.I don't know how she feels about me but I know that I have a friend that in my opinion,is a real friend I can talk to.She's a great belle and someone I'm glad I have the honour of getting to know.

Whatever road she chooses to take,I'll be there to support her.She's such a great gal that I realise that sometimes I may have mistaken her friendliness for signs and may have caused me to like her more

She also wanted to read my blog.At that time I was really tempted to tell her so that she could know the whole story,how I felt about her all this while.But I didn't cos I felt that the repercussions would be too negative.I would perhaps end up losing a friend cos it would be all awkward.I still have another year with her.

And then there's MJ....

She's already said through her bro that she only wants to be close friends.As crazy as I am about her,again,I have to respect that.If she does show that its okay for me to try then I will do my best to get closer to her and 'make her fall in love with me' ? Is there such a thing?.Anyways,I'll be friends with her,the best kind she allows me to be after we get to closer as friends,in terms of knowing things about each other,familiarity and closeness with each other.All I ask now from her now is a chance to try that.If later in the future somehow,she's willing to give me a chance for something more I'll grab it with both hands.

Everytime I feel anything about Roswell Girl I'll try my best to fight it cos one part of me says that I still have a chance with MJ.I'm so confused sometimes as to which one is the illusion and which one is the real thing.Or are both illusions? I still really want things to happen with MJ and that is why till now,I'm stil here hanging on.

I don't know but I think that it says something given that I'm willing to fight myself to keep at it with MJ.Gets hard cos I don't see MJ alot but I see Roswell Girl a lot.At times it gets reeaal crazy....Roswell,MJ,Roswell,MJ,Roswell,MJ...I like MJ.I really do.I wanna make things happen with her.

I also realise that MJ may not work out as well and I'll end up with neither for this part of my life.I'll have to accept it EVEN IF IT HURTS LIKE HELL.I'll study hard,concentrate on allowing myself the choice of being able to support myself financially in the future and hopefully God will throw something good my way.

Just thought that it was no matter which girl it is,I seem to have no chance.What I gotta do??? Save the world from a giant meteor before I get a chance? God....

Note: If these recent posts seem to be long and tiring to read,hard to understand but I'm just trying to explain the story and my feelings as well as I can.I understand if readers may get bored but if you do read this LOOONG post and understand what I am trying to say then I say thanks for taking time out of your busy lives to read.Its a real confusing time for me but I'll get over it.I always get back up.

She's Coming ?? Oh..Ah..Erm..

Early hours of Tuesday.I have to go to school later.First day of rehearsal for the orientation.Performance on the 3rd of May,2nd day of the orientation for the new batch.I would also have to probably deal with the national level project.I don't mind the skit rehearsal but the project does seem to stretch the workload a bit.A little stressful but I guess that's another pitfall that comes with being in a CCA.I'll deal with it but hopefully it will not be so lengthy in terms of duration.Hopefully it will end by 3pm the latest.

At least today bore some fruit.Didn't do much.Just hung about under MJ's block and kinda waited for her to come back home from school for a 'sighting'.It was just me and a mate.MJ's bro came down not long after.When MJ did come I was kinda caught off guard but I still managed a good wave back when she waved.Said nothing,couldn't...

Trying hard to describe how she looks...but can't .To just say that she looks 'good' doesn't seem to do it justice.Anyways,she waved after a chirpy 'hi' and I was left fluttering,nervous,the way I always am when I'm around her.I'm fine around other girls like my classmates,even Roswell Girl.SHE'S THE ONLY ONE that leaves me grasping for words and composure when she's around.

She's made by day,just by walking past.Last time I said I just wanted to just be able see her and I did.So that is good thing.

I was just thinking today...its okay if MJ doesn't fancy me right? I mean,why would she? She shouldn't cos she deserves a guy who looks good and knows what it takes to be a good boyfriend.I don't look good,they have been given by God and it is not place to be displeased.I know nuts about relationships and I'm not even sure that she's even looking for one.

I like her,she deserves the best and all I can do is try my best,even if it is only as a close friend.Am I good enough for her?????

I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not.C'mon,its not like I'm a prime physical specimen.But like in all aspects of my life.I would give it my best shot,especially if its something I believe in.Remember,all those dreams i'm trying to reach,a partner for those dreams would be nice to have and that same person helps in my determination.
I'm not saying that it should automatically make things better and give me a chance with MJ...

I'm gonna give what I have and maybe that will be good enough for her.If not,then perhaps it wasn't meant to be.If it wasn't,that doesn't stop me from liking her.I'll move on but if she needs me I'll always be there.

Maybe I'm saying all this incomprehensible crap cos I'm feeling a bit down.Blame it on all the times I get made fun of.I used to get bullied when I was younger but I believe that all that has made me stronger and perhaps given me a bit more tenacity and determination in the face of adversity.Adversity that seems to be in the MJ situation as well.

Its alot tougher these things.They make it look much simpler in the movies.But sometimes I don't know whether what I'm thinking or saying is right or wrong.When in times of self-doubt,maybe I should look at the progress or accomplishments I've made with MJ.

I guess I'm jummping the gun again.I tend to do that alot.How bout I just concentrate on getting to her and talking more to her.Thinking about it,I don't know much about her...neither does she know much about me.So we should get to know more about each other,right?

Right..that's it I guess.

When I told a mate that she said thru her bro that she just wanted to be friends.I didn't expect him to be so positive.He said that it showed that she has thought about me and she perhaps want to wait to find out more about me.See if I'm the real deal.That's the glass half-full view.Well,girl I got news for ya.I'm in it for the long run.

What's th negative view? Oh that's her saying that she wants to be friends and nothing more and me getting bummed out by that.Maybe I should but I dare not jump the gun again.Call me foolishly stubborn or stubbornly foolish,take your pick.But I think its due to also the tenacity and determination I was talking about earlier.

It was nice to see MJ today.Nice to see ya babe.Wish it could be more but...see ya around close friend.

Note: I realise that this post may seem confusing,messy and a little hard to catch at parts and I apologise but maybe its cos I'm writing from my emotions and it is be a little hard to use words to exactly capture what I mean to say.So its not really well thought out stuff.

If I Gotta Do It, I Would Like To Do It Now Please

School's starting in about 8 days time.Haven't had much of a holiday and already school is beckoning.The holidays have become some sort of an irritation.I've not had much time to enjoy it but instead I've had to deal with CCA and all the parts that come with it.If you ask me,I'd rather deal with the academics of school rather than the other stuff.At least I know I'm making progress in terms of grades,the most important part of my time in this institute which would enable me to get to the next step in education.If I don't have the grades,the rest of it means nothing.

So it is with a mixed sense of determination,uncertainty and disbelief (never thought I'd be impatient for school) that I say: BRING ON SCHOOL !

Strange but true

Does this mean that I like school now?Well no.I'll still gripe and moan just like the rest of us.When I'm back in school I'll be counting down to the next break(8 weeks of school till then I think).Then how come I seem so eager to dive in school?

Hey,I'm just doing what I have to get the attitude to do well,actually do well and then be able to get to poly.Having this holiday right now means that academically I'm just sitting around and not being able to anything to reach that academic goal cos school hasn't started yet.A little bit of impatience from me.

Going on that vein a mate said something recently that struck a chord with me.I mean,sure I've heard it before but this time,I think it sort of applies to me just a little bit more somehow.

I can't remember it word for word but I believe the popular bookmark version goes something like

''AIM FOR THE SKY,IF YOU FAIL AT LEAST YOU REACH THE CLOUDS''

Something like that.

Just started thinking about my dreams and how they may seem wildly unrealistic at times,Southern France,Old Trafford and the likes but if I apply the saying then I can say that at least I'm aiming high.

But before I get my head up in the clouds,I must remind myself that I'm still very far away from all that.I have to concentrate not even the next year(of school) but the next semsester before I think about anything else.I was tempted to but I won't set specific targets now cos I know nothing about the modules or its contents.I'll just say that I'll learn as much as I can when I'm taught about them and put in efforts to do as well as I can.

To perhaps,sum up this ideas about getting to dreams,is this saying I saw on a bookmark in a bookstore.

''IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOUR ON THE RIGHT TRACK,YOU'LL GET RUN OVER IF YOU JUST STAY THERE''

Yeah I'm on the right track,that saying reminds me that I have to keep working or all this work now will go to waste.

Its early Monday hours and a free day today before I go to school on Tuesday for the CCA.What do I plan to do?I'd like to do something that affects MJ,maybe go and be around her area or something like that.I figure if I'm around the area when she comes back from school or something that would be nice.

I know,I know she said doesn't fancy me that way but like I said I still like her and while I won't do anything daring,I still would like to see her,possibly talk to her? She wants to be close friends right? After the (sweet) mental anguish with Roswell Girl,just seeing her would just be a very nice thing.Heck,that would be a very nice thing anytime.

Keep Away Cupid Arrows And Give A Smile

Still a little hung over on emotions from last night.I was angry at myself for thinking way too much about Roswell Girl,more than I wanted to.Even had dreamt about her last night.Though it was a good dream I have to admit.

Something else made me irritated as well.I checked my results online and okaayyy...I managed to maintain my GPA and I did get an A for Business Communication(I expected a B) but quite honestly I was miffed that I got a B instead of an A for the Event Mangement module.I expected an A for that,especially after doing the paper.I was agitated as I felt that I deserved an A for the module and I missed a great opportunity to raise my GPA.It is high yes,not high enough for me.

A for Public Relations as well.GPA is down 0.002 from 3.688 to 3.686.No big diff I know but really it should be higher cos i should have got an A.

I had a small chat with MJ's bro.Told him that I had no idea what to say to his sister whenever she comes online nowadays.Somehow it led to him revealing that he had asked her some stuff about me like whether she still talks to me and what she thinks about me.The point here is that,she doesn't want to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend state but only friends,close friends.

A little sad but it is expected.Just one thing girl.Its good to hear that you want to be close friends.But,close friends usually know more about each other than we do.Simply put,we're not close.But I can work on that.Now I know that you wanna be close friends(which is the minimum I want to hope for),I feel that this fact has made you seem a bit more approachable and that's a good thing.

What about the fact that she said she doesn't want to be ina boyfriend-girlfriend state? Well,doesn't really change anything.I already said before it doesn't matter how she feels about me,I know how I feel about her.I still am crazy about her.I'll do it from afar an in secret,keep it from her.As in I won't show her that I like her in front of her.Instead,in respect of how she feels,I shall just be normal,casual and as friendly as I can be,even though I tend to get very shy around her.I'll try my best.I'll hide the feelings but I have to get it straight and say that I will do my best as a friend as well.Believe that.

It hurts to like someone so much but not be able to show it.I'll keep the hurt inside and get to know more about my close friend.

She's A Dime Piece

The sleepover has come and gone and I went off 2 hours early,giving the excuse of work.I just didn't feel bothered anymore after a certain someone left cos she had something else on.

Turns out Roswell Girl did come after all a few hours into the sleepover,in the afternoon and I have to say I was very pleased to see her.She had made herself up a little,looking a little different than she usually does on a usual school day.Ooooooh,she was CUTE.It made the sleepover thing MUCH more fun.Having her around made not having MJ around less painful.

I just looked at Roswell Girl at times and just wondered what the cons of having Roswell like me and I couldn't find any.I like Roswell yes but I don't like that cos that hinders me in liking MJ.But as a standalone fact,I am rather fond of Roswell Girl.

ARRRGH ! SHE'S SO CUTE BUT SHE'S ALREADY HAS SOMEONE AND I DON'T WANT TO LIKE HER IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE MJ IS THE ONE I'M CRAZY ABOUT AND I WANT IT TO STAY THAT WAY !!

One thing that I say that AT THIS MOMENT,Roswell has an advantage over MJ with the fact that she's much 'warmer' and open and I'm alot more confident we would be able to click cos we already click as friends.We're not the best of friends but we're cool with each other.If anything develops,the foundation would be there.She is also perhaps more mature than MJ and there would be some sort of 'security' and I know what to expect from her unlike the more unpredictable MJ.

MJ's situation needs a lot more work but the thing is that I know for a fact that I am crazy for MJ and am willing to put in all the effort needed to make things happen if given clear opportunities.She may seem like a tough nut to crack but I'm wanna show I'm serious by sticking around.Irregardless of the how she feels about me,I know how I feel about her and I don't plan on that changing.

But,for now,to summarise,Roswell Girl is someone who I think is a super sweet gal who deserves a top class man to be by her side.I think she is a smart,independent and strong gal who knows how to take care of herself intstead of the blur,dumb person she says she is.I sincerely honestly do.A great gal I wouldn't mind having by my side but I think that I'm not the best candidate for her,unfortunately.I wish I could be that top class man for her but I'm looking for someone else.If I wasn't I would try to get her(if she was single)

I'm not gonna use what she told me to predict whether her and her boy will stay together.Whatever she told me,she told me as a friend.If she is nothing more,then I would want to have her as a friend at the very least.

A great lass and the guy that get her is a lucky son of a gun.

Alas! The Fool Accepts Reality (For Now?)

Going into the sleepover later on.9 am today till 4pm tomorrow.At least its only for one night.Honestly,I'm not really that keen.Especially the fact that I have to sleep in school.Not that I can't do it.Just like everyone else,I prefer my own bed.

Gotta change my mentality and just do what needs to be done for this sleepover cos it may help in my efforts to get that 0.2 for my GPA.

This whole business about CCAs,its a bit irritating.I'll do what I have to do yeah but outside,after the meeting,screw it.I still prefer my slacking and soccer on the telly,thank you very much.I did not envision this much work when I first joined as a scriptwriter but I'm taking it all in my stride.

Bought a belated birthday present for MJ's bro.Just some cool candy.Anything to keep reminding MJ I still exist I guess...lol.

Been trying to express a thought for these past few days but for some reason,don't really know how.Like I said a few posts back,some part of me accepted MJ not liking me the way I like her.

''MJ doesn't like me that way? Oh,that's understandable.'' Something like that..I can't really seem to express it properly.I miss her today and the same way as any other day of course but given the fact that seeing her is a rare event,perhaps I've gotten used to it.

Lemme try to explain again...maybe I'm okay cos I know that she's young so she may not be that serious about relationships(which I choose to ignore).She's popular and has a lot of friends so I may not exactly figure on her social radar.I know and accept that I'm not good looking but I'm not letting that get me down.Even though I'm a reformed introvert(I used to be very shy but I forced myself to be more open and friendly) I'm willing to work even more to get to know her,if only she gives me a chance.Its all I need.

I admit,its not much of a holiday.Barely 2 weeks.Ah well,I don't really care.If I spent just a day around MJ,it would make these hols just fine and dandy,believe you me.But I can only wish for now.A day with her over CCA sleepovers anyday.A day with her over pretty much almost anything actually.

I miss her.She doesn't miss me.I know.Its okay.

Dreams & Reality Puzzle Pieces

Went down with the rest of my drama group and we presented our proposal for our skit and it turned out to be well-received.I have to admit part of me wanted it not to be accepted but then I realised that I would have to do something else anyway later on in the year to get extra credit for my GPA.Might as well get this over and done with.It'll be great if we make it to the finals and win it but personally,I just wanna do enough to get my 0.2 extra credit.Sounds a little selfish I know..but what I mean is that I just wanna get to that 0.2 and I'll put in all the effort needed to get to that target.

Its simply because I realise that I can't fall in too deep cos my studies aren't actually a given.I still have to put in effort to get good grades.That's what I've been doing for the past 2 semesters.This semester I have this exta (big) project to juggle my studies with.That may be tricky on some days.

I have to admit that I feel the pinch when I can't find time to have fun with my friends or just simply chill on my own,having no commitments to anything but slacking during the holidays.I thought I could fully enjoy this particular round of holidays because of the work I put in the last term.Not blowing my own trumpet here but I really felt that I gave it the best I could last term,that's all.Now I have work to do,its just classified as a Co-Curricular Activity and not the usual studies.Different classification? Still work.Work that is taking up my time...

Got to see a couple of celebrities while waiting for the producers at the reception area.One looked real nice.But regular readers know there's only one person I need to see.

I can't even get started on MJ nowadays because if it wasn't enough that I didn't see her,I now don't even have the time to be thinking about her ! I have to take breaks from the project to run away in my mind and think about her.So I can't even think about ways I could improve the situation during the holidays like I originally planned to before the holidays as I know that I now know that I don't have the time to carry out those plans,whatever they happen to be.

I've had flu since the late morning and when I got home from the presentation I went to sleep.It was much needed rest.I don't know his plans but I was supposed to go for another evening run with a mate but I knew that I was in no condition to go.Turned out,I slept through the late afternoon and only woke up around 9-ish,in time to catch Lost.Still have the flu but its not that bad at this moment.

Is there any chance I could see MJ ? Unlikely.No meetings till Wednesday but I don't think that I will get to see her even though its a holiday tomorrow (Good Friday).Why? Cos,that's just how things have ended up in similar situations in the past and I've just had to learn to never get my hopes up when it comes to anything to do with MJ.Not her fault of course,I just hope for too much.

Well,I'm off to get some rest and hopefully,if I'm lucky things will happen.If not,then its just another regular day.

Beauty: A Stress Killer

Just learned that there will be a meeting everyday during next week excluding weekends to prepare the props needed for the skit.No surprise really but I told one of them that Monday would be off-limits and I would not be able to make it.

Went for a run yesterday evening.Completed 7 rounds,one more than the minimum I enforced myself with.It was tiring but worth it.Hope to be able to go again.The last rounds were a question of mind over matter.Wanted to stop running and take a breather many times during the compulsory 6 rounds but I told myself to just keep the legs moving.

Met up with my mates after a long while,a respite from the meetings and discussions aka stress of the past few days.

Today was a nice, relaxing day but I didn't feel that way initially.The CCA I was busy with these past few days must have burned me out but it wasn't long before I was laughing out to the jokes.I was with 2 other mates at the coffeeshop and just having a drink,forgetting about scripts and skits.It was a nice and welcome change.I was feeling down and but I guess all that changed after a while.

As if to reward me or something of the sort,who else did fate send walking along across the road on the way home from school but MJ.Sigh.... =) She was a sight for sore eyes indeed. I almost wish I had sore eyes so that she could cure me.She was a bit more tanned since the last time I saw her. Nice.Very nice.But seriously speaking,it was very nice just to see her again after a long time.She probably did not see us cos we were a tucked away a little and wasn't in her line of sight.

God,like I said I before I miss her.The thought of all the work that lies ahead of me is sometimes a scary thought.I gotta grin and bear it,I know.I am one year away from the polytechnic,that is the way I HAVE to feel about where I am now academically and this CCA is something that will go a long way in helping me reach my goals.Short term: Polytechnic.Long term:Roma,Italia.

As I was saying it does get worrying me sometimes and those times I just wish could run to MJ and just sit next to her,my head on her lap for she would make me forget about all the work.But I can't not only because of the responsibility I have to fulfill but also simply because,well,I just can't.Lol.

I just have to be strong and bear the stress now so that I can dream of the future.MJ is a catalyst,even if she has no idea about that.There is a saying that I say today that went :

'The strength of a man is not in the weight he can lift but in the burdens he can carry.''

Another one I hope to live up to or signify:

The strength of a man isn't in how many women he has loved,but in how well he loves one woman.

I like the sayings...

I have to reiterate that eeeing MJ was really nice.It made my day.

Let The Fools Dream Sweetly

The time on my cable receiver says 3.40 AM.Just had my late,late dinner.Stomach full of air before this.Had to order Macs Delivery.At least stomach isn't hurting anymore.

YAY! Man Utd beat Arsenal 2-0.Great defense team! Always nice to get one over the Gooners anytime.Rio Ferdinand was brill.

I have a meeting later at 10 am at school.Again.If you think about it,its no real surprise considering that the project we're working on is on a big,national level.Getting a bit irritating.Got me thinking that I certainly do not want to take up the Executive Committee position offered to be as I feel that it will be more meetings and more work.

Hopefully the meeting will end by 330pm.I want to get some shut eye before my evening jog.To keep up my fitness.Yes,yes, I'm not very fit in the first place but this run is just to make sure that I don't fall to pieces and at least make sure my fitness doesn't get any worse.Also I have had way too much fast food for my liking these past few months.I can't run I know but its not about that really.

Lol...a little ironic.Me.Me busy during the holidays.Never thought it would happen.

Missing MJ,haven't heard anything about her for a while.But maybe thankfully I'm too busy to be reminded of her.Although there are times I'll just stop whatever I'm doing cos my mind suddenly switches to her and that's when I'll start missing her.

She doesn't miss me I know but I do miss her,I daresay I really do.Foolish? Perhaps.

Sometimes I wish I could just drop whatever I'm doing and just run to see her,even if for just 5 seconds...who cares if I'm too busy.

I've said recently that part of me accepts that she'll never feel about of me the same way I feel about her.That doesn't mean that I have to stop being fond of her.She may not care much for me but if fate is kind and she,for whatever reason,needs me,I would try my honest best to be there.Unlikely scenario but weirder things have happened in this world.

Sweet dreams for the sweet ones in this world.

''You and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you.'' // Lifehouse - You & Me

Amid All The Work, I Still

Its raining out and I haven't had my dinner.

Haven't had much to blog about or so it seems.I guess it feels that way cos I'm on vacation and usually I have had school to contend with these past few months but for the whole month of April I don't.I thought I wouldn't come back till 2nd May when school reopens but I have been back there 3 times these last couple of days.

Its for my CCA,the drama club,Mic Studio.I joined as a scriptwriter and I've been working on one the past couple of days and also had to go back today to help the chairman with a couple of ideas for this big project.It will be done with others around the nation and we are sending the team in.I don't really care too much.What's important to me is the fact that if I do this and we do okay enough,with the project on a national level,I am assured of an addition of 0.2 to my GPA...the very reason I joined a CCA for.Plus that may mean that we don't have to anything else major for the rest of the year.

I was told today that I was being considered for a position in the Mic Studio's Executive Committee.Wow..I'm a bit unsure.I mean this in my 1st time being in a CCA and I'm also unsure of the extra responsibility that will come with the position.Especially how this may affect my studies.All this while,I had to just concentrate on my studies and not really worry about anything else.

The teacher in charge is nice enough and she says that if it ever comes to the point where my studies are affected,she would be able to understand if I wanted to drop off the executive duties a bit.Ahhh,I don't know.....

On one hand,the position would look really good on my polytechnic application and I don't mean it would make it look pretty but it would really be impactful,provided my academics are good enough in the first place.Then,the negatives are the extra responsibilities like meetings and organising stuff.Not the top job but not an ordinary member either.I'm afraid that it would affect my studies and personally I know that taking the position would mean that I would have less free time outside of school.The last fact...I don't like.

I 'll have to think about it.

Mates ask me whether there's anything new regarding MJ and for the 1st time in a while I would have to say no.Not my choice that.Its just that I've not seen,heard or thought anything new about her.I haven't been down to the court so I've not seen her bros,not that they always have had info on her.I haven't managed so I haven't talked to her,not that I know what topics I could talk about.

I suddenly missed her suddenly again last night.If I could see her and talk to her,it would be nice but that sounds desperate.

Okay.I like her like her,yall know that.Not surprising that I don't like it if I don't see her around for more than a while right? Does that sound more logical and less desperate of a sentence?

Some part of me sort of accepts that its highly unlikely that she'll ever feel the same way about me as I do about her.It sucks.Really.But there's nothing I can do unless things start to happen and she may change her mind just a little bit.

Who am I kidding.That kind of stuff only happens to other people or in the movies.

Take me to movieworld then,please.

Cooped Up

Not actually that much to blog about.

Just bought Football Manager 2006.Addictive...My butt got sore from sitting for too long on the chair so I had to switch chairs.The weekened was okay.I went out for dinner with my dad and the rest of his family.Never seen anyone spend that much on Pizza Hut.The Moroccan whatever pizza was nice.Had some kind of a sweet sauce.The Spanish one had way too much tuna.Tuna's good but not too much.

I haven't gone down too much recently.I guess I liked spending time at home instead of going out everyday.It can get really noring at times but its not tiring.I may go out tomorrow if conditions permit.Actually soccer's not a priority.I guess I'm looking to be a bit more laid back and just chill nowadays.

I haven't been catching MJ online these past couple of days since that pic incident.Could this be a consequence?Probably cos I'm not around at the right times. I'll have to wait and see.I still think about her but perhaps less intensely if you will.I don't really know for sure but I think that this issue is getting kind of old with my mates.Maybe they just don't wanna hear for the umpteenth time about MJ.

Haven't seen them in a while either.

Not completely free from school..still have that script to write but its okay.Its doable.

Maybe to get away from FM 2006,I'll go and rent the Taxi trilogy.If my friends aren't willing to get in on it then I'll watch it alone.Cool.Still a fun bunch of movies.Oh I didn't catch V For Vendetta cos there weren't any suitable timings.Should get out more the next week though.Being inside for too long inside is no good and I seem to be watching alot of movies lately.Fun,but repetiton will take the fun out of it.