More Of You, Less Of Me

Realized that I haven't been updating for a while.

Haven't been doing too great. At times, my conviction and belief in all that is good in this world, has been shot to pieces.

It has not come at a good time with school in full swing. I am very much behind in more than one module.

In less turbulent times, I would have been on top of things like this but I am now just very mentally exhausted.

Much love for my friends who keep me sane.

I'll keep going till my very last breath.

It would have been much easier if you were around more but I am thankful you're still in my life.

The guiding light that stays there despite the increasing encroachment of the depressing darkness.

It says it all, that with every passing test of mettle, you are shining brighter and brighter and I am only faltering.

You shall soon be well-placed to shine again even if it doesn't look that way right now.

Go on, no matter what happens to me, I'll always believe in you.

Caught a screening of "Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" in the wee hours of Saturday morning.

Funny as hell. Worth a watch for those possibly interested to do so.

At the end of it all, you're pretty much the only thing I need.

Ride Writes

"Undying Love"

As he lay there, with the last remnants of life seeping out of his wracked body, he could not help but to break out into a smile. For it was now, in the darkest of moments, was where he was allowed one last indulgence. One that was perhaps the sweetest of them all.

Through the blinding pain, he could just make out her lovely form. He also realized that his head was cradled snugly on her bended knee.

She was sobbing, the tears cascading down her soft, pillowy cheeks. He didn't like that. He didn't like to see her hurt at all. Not even the slightest bit. He wanted to tell her to stop crying. He tried to raise his hand to wipe away her tears, tried to tell her to be still so they could enjoy the moment but nothing happened. His hand did not budge and his voice had gone. So she continued.

"If only you could hear me," he thought.

He wanted to tell her that he was smiling because God had granted his wish. In his final moments, God allowed her to come to him to share a few precious seconds together.He was smiling because of her.Nothing else mattered, not even the searing pain.

Had he been able to choose the way to leave this world, he would not have plumped for anything else. This was perfect. He loved being next to her, around her. He knew he could never have her. But that never stopped him from being true in his ways towards her, even if he had to endure the pain of unrequited fondness.

Just like she always did, she brought a smile to his face and also to his heart. She had done so when God decided let her into his life and it had remained that way, always, even now. He passed with a sense of joy and contentment. His only regret was that she had to feel pain and hurt because of it.If he could, he probably would change that too. He might be gone, but he knew his love for her would never go.

"Goodbye, my everything"

That came into my head on the taxi ride back home. It just came, I wasn't really thinking of anything.

I was sick in the morning. But I decided to come to school, even after a visit to the doctor's. I didn't wanna miss out on lessons.Or else I would miss too much. Went to the library to watch a movie during my break. Based on the true story on how the US soccer team beat England 1-0.

I wish Ryan Cabrera would come up with a new album full of ballads. Not award-winning material maybe, similar to his previous works. But just like his previous works, inspiring to me.

Going to be a busy weekend yo.

I like.

The title race is going down to the wire.

Bring on the final weekend. United for the title. And the Champions League as well, though fingers are crossed on that 2nd one.

I just realized what I want for my 21st birthday this year. It'll probably never happen.

It's nothing materialistic. But it's not something intangible like more good luck either. I can happen. It can be made to happen. But it probably won't.

So I'll end it at that.

Still A Stubborn Fool

I guess I've been really letting updating this blog slide lots.

I used to average a post per 3 days.

Nowadays, lots happen but I don't even let people who come here know about it.

The project mates have been way decent. I like 'em. It helps lots in making the project more bearable when our project facilitator is one that spouts lots of hot air, talking lots yet never really being able to say anything that matters at the same time.

Problem-based learning projects are sorta new. It's easier (than straight on studying) but harder (cos of its independent nature) at the same time.

I watched Superhero Movie. I think these kinds of movies are best seen online, on cable or on DVD. Totally not worth a cinema trip, a trip which I unfortunately made.

5 out 10 stars

I also went to watch Iron Man today.

Now this on the other hand, is one worth watching on the big screen. By far, the most in depth and developed movie adaptation of a comic book series (based on a single movie release and not comparable to Spiderman, which had a trilogy)

The fact that the storyline was less formulaic; less action but more talk, actually aided the action when it did come.

The fact that great care was taken to focus on Tony Stark the man and not just Iron Man the superhero was a fact that wasn't lost on me.

Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of an egocentric genius carried the movie. I think the director and him really succeeded in making sure that this wouldn't be just a good blockbuster that would rake in the cash but also a good, sound movie in its own right.

Oh, there was also a part that made me go, "Did a white guy just try to speak Hindi?"

8.5 out of 10 stars.

I feel slightly overwhelmed with my new responsibilities in Dramatec at times but I know for a fact that it is only that way due to my own poor time and priority management.

School on Thursday is a drag. 9am-6pm. 3 tutorials and a lecture. A one hour break somewhere in there.

But due to my absolute refusal to wake up in the mornings, I will have to attend a Psychology lecture from 6pm to 7pm. I missed my lecture, scheduled for 9am today.

In my own free time, I've been mouthing a couple of French words and phrases. Just like German however, the time-telling is proving to be tricky.

As I usually do, I'll end off in an introspective manner.

I've been telling you a white lie only to make you believe that the smile on my face is genuine and nothing is wrong and I'm fine. However, I'd dearly wish that you know the truth; I still hold on to the memories.

The Klutz Prays For Grace

I think I sorta screwed up my first task for Dramatec.

Huzzah, Khai. =(

If I was living in bleaker times, the mobs would be shouting 'Off with his head!"

I had a tutorial which totally slipped my mind. I'll have to do it before the lesson tomorrow.

I will be looking to make a trip down to Flash N' Splash at the Heeren sometime soon. I might be able to find a wallet that I like.

I heard that there the next overseas trip my school will be offering will be to Australia. I so wanna go! It's a study trip of sorts and it will be conducted during the holidays.

Despite the obvious burning of my vacation, I might still want to go cos it's a rare thing to be able to go. I want to find out what it's like to live/work in another country (not counting holiday trips to the relatives' in the past)

It's gonna cost a bomb though. Maybe $1000+, after subsidy by the school.

Will have to talk to my mom about it. Hopefully I can afford it.

I went to the mall for a bit just now though in the end, it was a total waste of time. I didn't see any nice pencil cases and I did get some stationery at the bookstore but I put them all back when I saw the long lines at the cashier.

Nagging moms with whiny kids. No way I was going to wait in line with that.

The mall was way too crowded and I keep getting bumped around and I had to squeeze past loads of people.

Thank God the bus home came quick to relieve me from the misery. I only spent half an hour at the mall.

Supposed to get my new phone but I can't cos drama will be ending late.

On a random note, tomorrow will be the debut of my new sneaks. Why I say that is cos I had wanted to give them a debut today but I couldn't since today's plans got quashed.

Looking forward to Saturday. That's when I'll probably get the time to head down to Heeren for my wallet, get my phone and get back in time for the Man Utd game.

Sounds like a plan.

Speaking of plans, hope everything goes well at drama later on in the evening.
(read: no more screwups, Khai!)

Another Time Perhaps

A brief respite in what has been an occupying week.

At long last, I finally got a pair of Adidas Originals. It seemed that I wouldn't get it.

The first outlet I went to didn't have my size. So they reserved a pair for me at another outlet. Since I started school late the next day, I dropped down to town in the morning to go get it. I managed to try on the reserved pair, only to realize that Originals shoes have a wider cut than Adidas Indoor Soccer shoes (the kind I usually get) so I needed half a size smaller.

And of course, that store that I was at, didn't have my size. Just my luck.

The only store that did? The store I first went to the other night.

And not only that, they only had one pair left.

It was on the mannequin!

I had no choice but to get it. They did say it was new and untouched. It seemed quite like that when I inspected it.

The pair of shoes set me back a nice sum. To make matters worse, I bought a pair of (overpriced!) Adidas socks just so it could feel like a 'complete' purchase.

Talk about acting on impulse.

I don't know why it's so difficult to find a pair of 11 or 11 1/2's. I think a lot of people have feet my size. Well, not too many but I feel that Adidas under-stocks shoes of these sizes. Hence the problem.

My mom wanted to change some notes with me, and upon seeing the terrible condition of my wallet, she promptly gave me extra cash and told me to get a new wallet.

Can't be too mad about that, can I?

Other than that, in general, I'm feeling the pain of clashing schedules.

It ties in with the previous post of doing what I have to do and what I want to do.

I wish I could blow off my responsibilities and just go and have fun. I have two invitations to go out and have fun on Friday. One is a gathering and the other is just a day out with a dear friend to help her find some stuff.

But I can't do either one because of this responsibility.

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I was enough of a reckless rebel to just up and leave when I feel like it. Sadly I'm not.

I know that I have to carry out this responsibility for the simple reason that it's the right thing to do.

It's what I would expect of myself, others (even my friends) and it's probably what they would expect of me. To do the right thing.

Another chance goes begging. That's all I'll say to end this part.

On another note, United are in the Champions League Final! It was a nervy game to watch.

This Saturday is the 1st of two final games that if we win, will see us wrap up the league title.

I think I've mentioned this before.

I've realized the value of a United game at the weekend. After a really busy week, I can just really forget about all that happened and instead, for 90 minutes, invest all my emotions in my favourite team.

It's like a real treat after the ups and downs of the week.

And I just realized, that the season is ending soon. And the school semester just started. Gulp.

The European Championships are going to be on and I am interested, but not on the same level.

Oh dang it. What am I to do...

The first few weeks after the league season ends are the hardest. Withdrawal symptoms kick in after you turn on the telly on a Saturday night and realize there's nothing on except for repeat matches. That's not fun at all.

Remember when I asked for my life to be more 'happening'?

I think I can't do that even if I want to cos there's always something else I have to attend to first.

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

The Bottom Line

You have been doing too many things on the go lately, and this pace has to stop.

In Detail

You have been doing too many things on the go lately, and this reckless pace has to stop. Sure, you've been promising yourself for days that you were going to cut back and get some downtime, but when are you going to come through on that promise? Make that day today. Cancel or postpone whatever you can and give yourself a few hours of nothing to do. Being productive or busy is not the same thing as being happy. You need to reconnect with yourself and just chill out.

Yeah I wish I could. Well not totally, I still want to go for those two invatations to go and have fun.

I'm a slacker that always seems to have work to do. Go figure.