Sounds Nice

Done with my presentation but due to complications I have to sweat it out till Monday to find out whether its good enough or if I have to do it again.That's dumb but I guess I'll wait.

Not really much to blog about to be honest.Except some news that MJ's bro brought my attention towards.Apparently,a conversation he had with his sis with me as the subject and it went SOMETHING like this....

He says he's going down to play soccer.

She says she feels like playing.

He asks her to so that she could do what she wants and say 'hi' to ME.

She says 'no'

He says to her that he knows that she likes me.

She denies it,saying that we're just friends.

He tells her not to deny it saying that we're more than friends.

She says we're good friends and so (what if we are)...

That's how he told it to me anyways.

What to make of this news? Well,its something positive that's nice to hear.If its true that she said it,then its nice to actually hear her actually say it.I mean,all this while I was guessing quite a bit about how she thought about me.So if its true,now I kwow.I have no reason to doubt MJ's bro.He wouldn't go that far to make something like that up.I haven't actually met her or talked to her for a long time but if she means it then its nice.

I know this sounds super lame cos it does even in my head.But I kinda of miss her.She's actually at times,a positive in my life,even if we don't meet and I'd like to keep it that way or make it even better.

I don't know if she secretly already have a boy or there could be something that my friends know but they are not telling me.If the latter is true then the posts in this blog sure make me look like a rambling fool.Whatever,I'm used to people saying things in secret anyway.

Good friends...right now that's good enough for me.What's important is that I don't screw that up.Sure I'd like more good things to happen but hey,this is okay too,for now.You can say that I'm having one of these 'I'm-Thinking-About-MJ' days.

Never mind if she doesn't think about me or miss me.I'll be okay.

Breaking The Cycle

Just a short one today.

I was just sitting in school today and Roswell Girl happened to be sitting in front of me.I was just looking at her and it just hit me.I didn't feel anything real.All I could think about was MJ.

Interesting....

Its certainly old news but I say this with a tinge of fear.See,the past few days,I've been riding the wave and enjoying the positive developments with MJ.But all this while I kinda have this feeling that all this will follow the routine,where after something nice happens,it comes to a stop and I come back to square one with regards to MJ.I don't want that.I want to build on what happened on VT Day and the Friday after.Whether I will have the chance to,WHETHER SHE WILL LET ME(if we meet,I hope she will...I reallyx4 do...) and whether God will even let me meet her or will we go for weeks again without coming into contact with each other.I'm so afraid that nothing will happen and things will go back to the way they were.

This quote from a song 'All My Only Dreams by The Wonders go, 'all the girls at school were never quite as cool as you'

How fitting.

Hey You...How You Doin ?

Well,I should really start studying.I want to cover everything instead of doing a rush job and cramming days before.I think I can do that but its the projects that got me a lil worried.I mean its subject to how good the teacher thinks it is and it may not be good enough even though I think it is.

Part of me can't wait for the hols to come because I am waiting for the time where I can stay up like a night owl to watch the telly without worry.

I don't know exactly where I stand with with MJ.But honestly,I think its good cos I gave the chocolates.I screwed up a little after but I don't think she bothers or anything is affected.Makes it sound shallow that I have to give chocolates to make her think of me in a positive way but that's not it at all.I gave the chocolates to make me 'appear on her radar',cos we haven't seen much of each other and I just wanted to give a little reminder that I'm still around.I do fancy her just a little bit you know and chocs of Valentine's Day was the perfect opportunity for me.

The problem that I see now is that I don't know when I'll see her next.Maybe this Friday if she comes down for soccer with her friends.I do want to.I'm not desperate or anything but I'm just saying that it would be nice.Besides,she is a nice sight to be seeing...lol.

I'm not sure if I can make a move now.I hope that I can see her this Friday and she how she acts towards me,like a 'sign' or something.I like her but I don't want to do anything to scare her off.If I suddenly just tell her.I must also admit that I am being very wishful cos I'm missing her and I wish that I could do something to build on what happened last Friday where I got to talk to her.

My friend told me MJ's bro told him that she ate all or almost all of the chocs that I gave her.Lol.Must have been real nice chocolates.Glad to hear that she likes them.Guess she really like chocolates,huh.I have no problems with getting her more and if she asks,I will.

The week starts and I have school to think about but it'll be really nice if something happens in the week with regards to MJ.

Making My Way Thru An Interesting Week

A couple of interesting things have happened since my last post but I have had no time at all to make one cos I've always had stuff to do or somewhere to go.

On Wednesday,the girls played soccer with the guys in school.It was pretty funny seeing to how 9 girls parked themselves in front of the goalpost,trying to keep out 6 guys.I accidently brushed against a girl's boob(a slight one) and she's didn't feel it,luckily.The drawback of playing with girls is that you have to be a little more careful.

I had just made a pass when Roswell Girl,who was going for the ball,couldn't stop in time and as a result,banged into my back.She wasn't hurt as it was just a little body to body and we weren't moving fast.Still,I was pretty worried.I apologised after the game as a precaution but then she replied it was okay and told me to do it again the next time.Cheeky.

Then on Thursday,I was on the bus with mates to chill with them for a while when I noticed a purse that someone had left behind.She had just vacated the seat and got down from the bus at the previous stop so we got down at the next one and walked back,hoping to see her still around,looking for her wallet.She wasn't so we had to walk to the (closed) Neighbourhood Police post and the intercom system there told us to go to the larger Neighbourhood Police Center,open 24 hours.It was troublesome but I was glad that I got to do a good deed.

While we were there a woman came in with her child.She didn't want to make a report but simply wanted to' inform' the police about boys who disturbed her child in school.Its fine,cos I thought the girl had been hit or something like that.It turns out that all they had done was to use rubber bands to shoot pieces of paper rolled up with staplets inside.Painful and irritating I know but nothing to tell the police about.It happens all the time in school.Its so typical...

The mother's reasoning was the the staplets were shot close the her daughter's ears(the boys were aiming to shoot them down her shirt) and in her own words said, 'we'll never know bacause the ears are a sensitive area'.Lady,unless,your daughter's ear holes are the size of your big mouth,its highly unlikely that the boys have good enough aim to casue any serious damage.On top of that the school already had already taken steps to solve the matter.So it was pretty stupid for the woman to go to the police and just inform the cops about it,just in case it happens again.Riggghhhhhttttt......

Friday night,I went to the airport to study and cram for my exams(in about 5 weeks).It was super tiring cos I haven't had the chance to stay up late as I did because of school.But I got through it and it was fun at times.Not advisable to do it often though.Night study that is.

I also called up MJ's bro and MJ picked up the phone.She asked who was on the line and I said it was me.She thanked me for the chocs I gave on VT Day.A pleasant surprise :)I said no problem she proceeded to put her bro on the line.But before that I was telling my mate standing next to me in a squeaky,excited voice(done on purpose) 'she said thank you' for about 3 times.Her bro heard it cos I did not cover the phone before I spoke so he heard everything.He then mimicked what I said so I'm sure MJ heard.Embarrassing.I started to worry cos she might think that I was weird.

And then I unknowingly redialled her number sometime later on and for 1:16,she could hear what I was saying I think or maybe not but it was a bit dumb for me to accidently call her house without actually meaning to.The phone was in my pocket and I the buttons were pressed up and it ended up calling her house again.Dumb

Its been a long story of the week that I've had to tell and for the most of the story,its been fun.

With MJ,it has certainly given me the lift that I've been looking for these past few weeks.Thanks for that.Its a nice thing that I needed.I still don't know how she feels when she thinks of me but the chocs help.I really hope that I go from here and develop something from this.There are times when I think about her and times when I tell myself to stop cos I'm not sure.She may not really not think anything about me and I could just be lying to myself when I try to think what she's thinking.

Bitten By The Love Bug

Its Febuary 14.Valentine's Day.I don't care much about it.Not in the commercial way at least.I just see it this way.If I had to pick a day to make a some sort of a move why not on this day?

I don't know how she will react when I try to give her something.Maybe she'll just brush it off like its nothing.I really hope not.Part of me wishes she sees this blog so she knows how I feel but I think she can't remember my blog address.

You know what? I bet she already has a Valentine.Some guy has moved faster to act and ask her to be his Valentine.I am such a dumbass and a fucking coward!!. If she really does have one already,I hope he makes her smile and laugh like I wanted to.

Its not that I care about Valentine's Day.I don't mind spending money for it but its not a must just as long as I feel happy and right and if I'm lucky I would have a particular person that I can share the feeling with.Sounds super corny and lame I know but its allowed.

My dad didn't give me cash this month so I can't afford to buy her the chocolates I wanted to.I don't think its neccessary to buy a gift but I know she likes chocolates a lot and I wanted to buy them for her but I can't now.Wish I could.

I really wish she knew how much she drives me crazy.My friends know.I think she knows but just not how much exactly.

Lol,I sound a little psycho.Must be the annual Valentine's Day bug.But really if God works it so that I could tell MJ all that I've just said,it would be a blessing indeed.

Does Dreamer=Fool ??

Right,it looks like I am gonna stay in ITE instead of roughing it out in polytechnic.I'm gonna stick around and work hard to make sure I can make it to poly.In between,I have National Service to serve.Its the long way around no doubt but I have no choice.I'd rather do that than go and do something in poly that I have ABSOLUTELY no interest in.After all that is said and done,it is then that I will be able to finally turn my attention to a diploma in mass communications and working at the same time.

Partly of the reason I'm doing this is cos of my mom.She's 50 now(or at least close).She says that if I can earn my own income in 6 years time then she'll be able to rest easy.

What does this mean for me?

Dreams.....the girl,the life,the locales.Will I have to forsake all that? What I mean is,I have dreams to at least have the $$$ to go to places like Rome and I don't just say I want to travel.I honestly mean it.With my girl too,whoever she will be in the future.I have dreams people,and I'm not going to apologize or feel stupid for having them.I'll be damned if I can't afford for my girl to sip lattes from a cosy,French coffeehouse.

Of course,I FULLY REALISE that material wealth is nothing compared to the happiness of the soul.Its just that,I think that by not chasing education I would not be able to enjoy life fully as I would be worrying about money too much.LETS FACE IT,even dreamers need money to live.

EDUCATION=MONEY=DREAMS.

Reality also kicks in,cos I know that there is no way that I would be happy studying engineering and that would be very difficult for me to sustain an interest and ultimately do well.So business pays a couple of hundred bucks less than engineering...not a worry.Its not gonna deter me from achieving my dreams.Simply because those are my dreams and I will find ways to overcome that disadvantage.

I can do what I have to do.But I have to leave some parts up to God.Like whether He will allow me to achieve those dreams and whether the girl of my dreams will be willing to wait for one who takes the longer route.I believe that this is my path and I will do my darndest to make sure it leads to me achieving my dreams.I don't care if I don't reap the benefits but I'll make sure that my girl will and most definitely my mom will.Hope that God will make it possible for me.

VT Day is around the corner and its not making things any easier.Wish I could see MJ.Just to lift my dampened spirits.Never mind,if she doesn't talk to me.I'll be fine.I just need a fix-up of my mood and she will definitely make me feel better.

This Beautiful Rose Will Be My Poison

I have a little bit of a confounding situation.Either I continue with my cuurent course of study or dive into a new one which is more risky and holds less interest but might pay off in the future.More details some other time.

I heard today that MJ is at home sick.I think so,cos that's what I heard from a mate :( I hope she gets well soon.In case readers are wondering,yes,I am still missing her.Not as bad as last night thought.Bloody Valentine's Day....lol

Erm,I really have no idea on how to approach Feb 14 and what I plan to do about it,with regards to MJ.I want to do something about it,ie,buy chocolates(which I know she likes) and somehow let her know that I really am serious about liking her and I'm not just saying it for fun.

I AIN'T PLAYING AROUND BABE....

Came across my horoscope for today,how I wish it could be true and really apply to my story,but it can't,I know.Interesting though.Pretty accurate on the part about how I feel.Not sure about the last 2 lines though.

The universe hasn't quite had its fill of inspiring you to push the envelope when it comes to romance -- and going overboard to show your feelings. Of course, it's almost Valentine's Day, which is the official reason for the mood you're in. The unofficial, private reason is that you're in love, and you want your partner -- or prospective partner -- to know just how wonderful life with you can be. Relax. They already know.

If only there was a way for me to let her know that,using this Valentine's Day to do so.I'd ask God but I don't think I should bother Him with such a small,trivial matter.It would be nice if there was a good,clear chance for me though.

But to be honest,I don't think she cares how I feel about her.I'm just another person to her.She's popular and knows alot of people and I just one more person she knows.

What can I do? Can anyone tell me? Somebody...anybody?.......

From past experience,I guess that I would probably end up disappointed and hurt for feeling the way that I am feeling now.But still I try.Stupid? Maybe....

The Unreachable Cure?

Its been a little fast-paced at school but I'm handling it.

I've joined up with the school's drama/media club as a scriptwriter.Not that good or proven but I'll give it a shot.Just hope it doesn't take up too much of my time.I've done a little bit since my first session on Wednesday.They asked me to inject perosnality into a script's characters and I just did a little tweaking,no major changes.Its only a small script so that's good.I think it worked out well.

Lots were drawn and my number was pulled out.I officially now know that I will have to do my Business Communication presentation this coming Wednesday.Thanks to the abovementioned script,I think my topic will be about Valentine's Day.Not too sure about the details but it'l probably be about its history and other stuff,if you get the idea.I'm still working it out.

I don't bloody know why but all those thoughts on VT Day brought about a sudden rush of 'lovesickness',if you will.Meaning MJ.Damn.I was sleepy but mssing MJ got me wide awake.Intoxicating and frustrating,the fact that the girl that I feel so strongly about doesn't care too much about me.The thing is I haven't been feeling like this for the past week or so but its just suddenly come back.Again..damn.

And with VT Day coming up its gonna be a lot worse.I wonder which lucky guy she would want as her Valentine.For all I know she probably already has a boy by now.I have no idea.HI haven't seen her in quite a while.

I'm putting too much significance on VT Day.I don't really need her to specifically be my Valentine.I just see it as a opportunity where I can get to talk to her more or at least the opprtunity for something positive to happen.

Is that so hard? Yet fate keeps pushing her away like I some sort of plague.I just need the chance.A sign.From her,that she doesn't dislike me(cos of my past screwups) like I think she does.

The thought of me spending $20 bux on chocolates for a girl that most likely doesn't fancy me would be seen as absolute madness by a mate of mine.He may be right.But infatuation was never a sensible thought in the first place.

I know she likes chocs but I do wonder if it will have any effect at all.I don't know.My gut tells me that I have to at least try.

We'll see....now off to bed with my 'lovesick' ass.Lol.

In Search Of A Smile Or Two

Not much to shout about over the next coming weeks.Nothing exciting or significant happened
that can get me jumpy and lift me up to face the weeks of work that are coming.In all honesty,it would be nice if something good and positive happened but sigh...I don't think anything like that is gonna occur anytime soon so I hang to slug it out till then.No mood to talk about school.

I went to watch 'Get Real' aka 'Real: The Movie' yesterday.It wasn't exavtly a movie.It was more of a semi-fictional documentary.It has fictional stories of people from different parts of the world and how the very real-life story of Real Madrid play a part in their lives.

I also went down to Candy Empire to see the wide assortment of mostly-imported delectables they had to offer.Good stuff.Still undecided as to whether I would be buying anything for MJ but at least I know what I can buy if I decide to.

I wish I could have some sort of signal or sign to help me decide on what to do in this situation.Two opposites pieces of advice from mates don't exactly help.That's all I'm looking for within this week.Anything will do,even MJ could help,don't really know how.Just hope it will happen,something positive that will in effect,kill two birds with one stone cos it may solve my indescisiveness as well.

But the more important reason is so that I can have something to harp about as I face mundane weeks of work.

Thinking,Contemplating & More Thinking

The break has come to an end.I've spent most of the time being sick,especially on Saturday but I'm quite glad still that I've got some sort of a break.Not counting this week in progress,I've only got 8 weeks of school left.That is something to aim for.Personally I think I've got 3 to 4 weeks weeks to really slug through with presentations and projects aplenty and the remaining month will be used mainly for revision for the exams.8 weeks and counting.

Guess what? The day that MJ came down(for a while at least) was the day that I was too sick to come.Just great.Not that anything major would happen even if I was there but it would still be nice to catch a sight of her,even for just awhile.

One thing I guess I have to be thankful for is the fact that she asked for where I was.At least she knows I'm alive and was checking to see if I still was...lol

That raises questions...cue paranoia which now overcomes me....

Was that question of hers one of caution? Like 'Where's Khai? I hope he's not cos he creeps me out and I don't want to be around him.

or....

One of interest...'Where's Khai? I know he likes me and I'm just wondering where he is and I wanna see how stupid he acts around me this time...(in an eandearing way)

or....

One that is just simply casual...Where's Khai? I don't see him today and he's usually around for soccer.

My heart hopes that its the 2nd one but my head and my common sense(if they aren't the same thing) tells me that its the 3rd one.The casual question with no other hidden motives or feelings behind it.

But the worst thing that could happen is that she could read this(she could somehow happen to,maybe if her bro is reading it and she sees it) and she is so creeped out but what she reads that she dislikes me more.I mean she could be asking the casual question and if she finds out that I could think that it was the 2nd one,she may not like it.

Not sure if you guys could get that paragraph,ah well.

I just cut my hair.My mom is a little displeased that I kept my curly back.She thinks it doesn't really fits my look.She rather I cut the back off.To be honest,I'm with either way but I just think that leaving the back long is just something different.What I don't really like is the way the go about sending the veiled message by saying something that goes 'Its fine but its not really fine.'
Firstly,they shouldn't even have a problem with it because its not that drastic a change and they've tried to keep my hairstyle the same for the past 18 bloody years(or since I had short hair that could be styled the way they wanted it to be but you get my gist) !!

Typing this last paragraph has got me all riled up.Wanted to hit 'backspace' and leave it out and decided not to because I realised that I could use this to say something.As I was trying to calm down inside I used positive things and thought about them to make myself less irritated and make me forget things that made me feel negative.

And yes,for all of you who know and tease me about it,MJ did come in my mind and yes, she made me less irritated and made me feel a little bit better.She does get me through the bummer times sometimes.I mean I like her don't I? So it would make no sense if I feel angry whenever I think about her,right?Although,she can be a source of major frustration sometimes but that is a different kind.

The point is that I didn't want to end this post on something negative but instead on one that I could feel okay and maybe happy about.If it happens to be about MJ,then so be it.

End.