Like It Was Before

Spent the last 24 hours watching The Godfather trilogy.Well 2 out of 3 so far.Cool stuff.What with the vendettas and Vito 'Don' Corleone and all that.Still got the 3rd one to go.A little weird to see Al Pacino and especially Robert De Niro at such a young age.

I'll be seeing Roswell Girl tomorrow.A little weird to be around her,knowing that she's been back in close contact with her boy.She doesn't know that I know.I guess I have to try and act as normally as I can around her.So different as compared to four days ago when me and her were the feeder for whispered gossip.

One week of school down.5 weeks of school left.Much time will be occupied.I expect the weeks to whizz by,though that does leave me with lesser time to deal with studying and projects.Will have to find a way to deal with it.

I hope to get the letter detailing my scholarship in the mail very soon.I wait with glee.

No real big difference with Roswell Girl.I will just have to revert to those days when she was with her boy before they seperated.

Whatever,work will keep me distracted anyway.

Back Down To Earth

Spent the early part of the afternoon watching an MTV's Laguna Beach marathon.

Damn,Kristin Cavallari looks hot and cute.I like.

In the later part of the afternoon,went to the airport to Popeye's Chicken.The only outlet in Singapore.Got full just after a while.Popped by the video store to rent The Godfather trilogy and Date Movie as well before heading home.

The thing with Roswell Girl getting back with her ex-boy(hereafter 'boy') is that its a bit anti-climatic for me.After revealing the whole Roswell Girl issue to some people after increased ribbing from people who have read me and found me to be crushing on her,it seemed to be gathering pace.

On the negative note,it may have actually believe all the hype surrounding it.Which only set me for a harder fall when the anti-climax came.

So now I gotta keep things low key,inform the people that need to know.I just have to ignore any comments or possibilities regarding me and Roswell Girl cos of her sitiuation now,it would just do me no good.It's just something that I've gotta forget about.

Just gotta focus on school,not believe that anything could develop in the midst of all that.

Get to polytechnic.

It would have been nice to have gone there with someone but if i do go,it looks like I'll reach it alone.

At least I get there.

The Pages Turn To Reveal Questions

The initial week of the term has come to an end and it's been an engaging one to say the least.

It was uncertain at the start but I sorted it out and now I have to spend the rest of my term working my way back up.I have to knuckle down and show commitment to get the results that I want.It will take all that and a little but of luck to achieve it.

It's still very do-able at this point of time.

In the midst of the work,I found time to release some revelations to some new people.

About Roswell Girl....

I have to say that its a big relief to get all that Roswell Girl stuff off my chest to people in school.People I can confide in.I don't have to 'hide' it when I'm in school.

The negative about that?

Word round town is that I have a crush on Roswell Girl and a lot more people know.Some I did not intend for them to know,a couple I told in confidence,like I said.I've even told two people about the history of MJ v Roswell Girl.

But it was something that my long time mate said that kinda hit me hard.It sorta woke me up.

'u are done with Mj.........good luck with Roswell'

Now,I had just been reminiscing about MJ and was trying to find way to not let her 'disappear' just like that.That was a few hours before in the day.

What he said made me think again. 'Woah..I didn't wanna 'lose' her just like that.Not so easily.Nah-uh.Nein.

Its so easy to get the Roswell Girl situation out of hand.Some part of me wishes that the teasing was true,that it was based on something that was really happening..But its not.Its almost lie.There's one more part and new developments but I won't really be able to tell the two people till I meet them on Monday in school.

Stop it Khai.It's not real.

Hmm,MJ's crushing on someone else,someone new.And news just in says that..it's pretty big stuff.Apparently,Roswell Girl's ex-boy,the first one,is back in the picture.

It does hurt,not crying kinda hurt but you know it just sucks to hear that.Even after coupling that with the fact that I wanna re-focus on MJ,which I never should really have been distracted away from but I was.The fact that I heard she was crushin on this new guy did play a part in the rise in Roswell Girl's stock.

Then this new development brought it back down again.This time,he better not screw up again.Roswell Girl loves him and he hurt her.I know,I know,I'm barely in a position to pass comment.But he's got a good thing in her and he better hold on.I hate to see her down.I did once and I didn't like it.Not one bit.If he makes her happy then he'd better.Don't screw it up this time.

So after all that,where does that leave me? Where do I stand? And of course,where,in which direction do I take from here??

Guess I'm not cut out for this.Never seem to have anything in me to suggest anything that I would be cut out for the shite about romance and love.

No surprise that she's still stuck on him given that they've been at it for a long time and their houses are in opposite blocks of flats and she takes relationships quite seriously.

Not trying to play the part of the tragic hero but if I mean if she's happy with someone else and not me then so be it.MJ,she seems to belong to the world.To a blessed and friendly one.One that I seem to have no place in.I want her.Which one? Well the one that God decides to give to me.It's like a race that is neck and neck.It sounds like two-timing fickleness but its not.I'd rather like to know which one.I would accept it if neither fell in my hands.It would hurt but at least they'd be happy.

Not looking for sympathy.Just clear answers.

I have no idea which way to turn now.Should I have strayed? Did I have enough reason to? Was what I did right? Did I do anything wrong?

I don't know....not anymore.

Chaos N Confusion

Barely 3 days into the new term and I'm hanging on for dear life.

Enthusiasm in the face of expected adversity has quickly ebbed into morale-sapping efforts.Things were so uncertain the past two days but I've regained some semblance of control over matters and exerted some solid pressure on certain matters.Its a matter of regaining lost ground for the rest of the term.

An increased cumalative GPA is still possible if I were to take a leaf from the book of Man Utd's Fergie's Fledgings and battle my way back up.

My friends may not be seeing me for a while as a result.I have far more important issues to address.

The month of July is almost to be done with.August is around the corner.

Two birthdays.MJ'S and then Roswell Girl.

I have to admit,ever since the Act 3 production,Roswell Girl has been more central in my thoughts.Last night,before dozing off,I was just thinking and then,I realised,with a sense of dreaded resignation, that I had been 'neglecting' MJ.

It's so hard.I want her 'back'.I wanna be missing her again like I used to.Roswell Girl is much more in the way nowadays.I've been crushing on MJ since the beginning of 2005 and its tough hanging in there but I have to find a way to.

She's crushing on someone else this time and I've gotten used to it cos its natural for a gal of her age.If only I could just see her,maybe it would all come rushing back.

I have to remember again the reason that made me feel crazy,head over heels about.I know that some people may say that moving on after a year and a half isn't what they would call fickle but somehow I feel that way whenever I'm focusing on Roswell Girl and happen to suddenly think about MJ.

Their birthday's are coming soon and I've got to do something for MJ''s especially,to remind her that I'm still around.

But at the same time I gotta up the ante on my schoolwork.Not easy with that bugger of a national competition to deal with also.

Its confusing days people but as the days pass I'm hoping to do my best to make things clear again.

There may be some good news to report soon.Its been confirmed but I won't believe it till I see written proof.More on this in future postings.

Ready For The Jump; The Green Light Is About To Go Off

It's the last day of the term break.I'm feeling rather ambivalent about it.

I can't wait to get stuck in and study and do well for my single paper in the exams.Hahhaha! Imagine if the me of two years past heard me saying I couldn't wait to study.What a hoot ! Well,it's more like I gotta do well and to do well I gotta study,so there.

On the other hand,I'm dreading the projects that await me upon my return.There will always be a new one to come along my way I'm sure and that is one top of the existing CCA project,with the most prominent one being the national competition.

I've said previously that I was the ExCo in charge of the upcoming skit for Teacher's Day programme.I feel bad having had to deliver the news to one of them especially,that they've been appointed the project manager for the event.She's my classmate and she's also in my Entropreneurship group.She was part of the cast for the theater production.It really sucks for her and I know exactly how she feels,having one project pile up one after another,a seemingly neverending chain of work to do.

Sigh...

Just found out my exam date.Only one paper to sit for and that will be on the 13th of September.A little more than 6 weeks.But with the public hols and the actual day school ends,it will seem like 5 weeks.My national competition sem-final round will be held on 19 August so that gives me 3 weeks after that to get into exam study mode.Fair enough.

Thank goondness its on the 19th and not 20th,cos that's the opening weekend of the English Premier League 06/07 season but Man Utd are only playing on Sunday 20th of August so I would still get to see them play their first game of the season on the telly.Would be a bonus cos the burden of the national competition would also been over by a day and it would be just a case of waiting for the results.

When this term break came I was relieved and grateful but even when this one started,I knew that the upcoming semester hols would be even more gratifiying and much more appreciated than the last.There is a lot more work to be done this term,ssimply because I want to get good grades for the exam.

The hols would be longer than 3 weeks too.Starting on 14th September and ending only on 15th October,3 days before my birthday.

That's cool.

Tomorrow,I jump back in.

Hey,just thought of something.Starting tomorrow,I get to see Roswell Girl on a daily basis again..haha.

Good news that.

My Mind Is Wacked Up

Can't believe I'm still up at this unearthly hour.Yeah,I've stayed up way later than this before but considering the long day that I had,I should be sound asleep by now.

I was on the way when my sister woke me up.I had drank Red Bull earlier in the night but my tiredness was still making me feel sleepy,up till the prior point.The Red Bull kicked in and now I can't sleep.Doesn't help that the weather's really humid.

Another reason why I didn't doze off was soon as I hit the sack cos I was suffering from a Roswell Girl overdose.

After seeing her and after all that talk,I couldn't stop thinking about her.Thinking about ways it could happen with her,thinking of reasons why it wouldn't.Thinking of MJ...as a factor and the fact that I should be still on the latter instead of Roswell Girl.

Ooh,I'm am soo stuck on Roswell Girl right now.Feel like I should do something to relieve it.Like write a song or perhaps more simply,write a testimonial for her on Friendster.I'm so hung up on her at this moment.

Oh why am I feeling this way and what do I do?

Sigh....

And then,what does she feel about all this? Is there any part of her that would consider me?

MJ....MJ,MJ,MJ.She's crushin on someone else now.I can't do anything about it.Its a long story that is over-explained.The MJ story.

Roswell Girl...she's on my mind,to quote Teddy Geiger.

Sigh.....

Action, Snap! & Laughs

Woah,was today cool or what?

Got myself smarted up.Was going for a look.It was formal.Colours inspired from Greenday's black shirts and red ties.I have to admit,it felt kinda cool walking round with that look,all full of myself.Lol.

Met up with the rest of the CCA members. All was looking fly any way the saw fit.Farah Dilla did look nice.HAH ! Told her she would..

Made our way to Jubilee Hall.The performance was cool.First time watching an arty-farty theatre show.It was thought provoking and insightful.Liked the way that things were expressed creatively in an abstract,indirect manner.Of course,Roswell Girl was the highlight for me.

After that we went for dinner at Banquet at Raffles Hospital.Had fish n chips.Filling.

Left my friends for a while.Went to meet my cousin.She wanted to buy me a new bag for school.Went to the new Adidas Concept store outlet but they no were no longer carrying the bag that I saw on my previous visit,presumably because the bag was part of the World Cup range of products and World Cup was over after all.Got another one.Blue in colour just like my previous Quiksilver one,though perhaps not as big but it'll do.

After that,I met back up with my friends who had made their way to the Esplanade and were chilling together with the cast of the play.About 5 of them.When I came,all the usual teasing catcalls were made.Immediately one of them,clung on to my arm,wanting to take a photo.Ended up taking a photo with almost all the gals.Just concerned with Roswell Girl,the important person in that group photo.

It was so fun.We were in a congratulatory mood.We just have them a figurative thumbs up for all the hard work they've put in training for the production these past 6 months.

All the girls got emotional and started crying rivers.But yeah,anyway,it was pretty touching stuff.

Lol.Girls...

I think that quite a number of people now know that I like Roswell Girl.But its mostly just rumors,save for my chairman and my drama assistant.Only they both know how I really feel about Roswell Girl.About how she does pique my interest but I'm more than happy to be having her as a close pal.

I was asked by a friend who wanted to know if I really liked Roswell Girl but no surprise that my attempts to deny it were met with derision.Haha...

I got all the ribbing and teasing done mostly by my joker of a student advisor,who even teased Roswell Girl when I wasn't around,when I went to get my bag with my cousin.I was surprised to hear that when asked where her boy was,Roswell Girl acknowlegded it positively....'cue big grin from kHaI'.When I asked her to clarify,she said that we(meaning me and her) had been together for a while now)

Hahahahaha...

Had loads of pictures taken throughout the whole day.Loads indeed.Wanted to take a picture alone with Roswell Girl but didn't get the chance to.Only regret of the day.

But otherwise,really,today was a great fun day.Really felt that I have expanded my social circle ever since a few years ago,completing a social goal of mine.

Having said that,I want to stress that I don't want to ever lose touch with my usual friends who have been with me a ever since I was a pre-teen and some even before that.I know that to them,it may seem that I'm always doing something else,something with my CCA and its hard to meet up with them cos of our differing schedules.But I still remember them.

Today,I had a fun time.So proud of those involved in the Act 3 International 'Where I Belong' production.

Especially Roswell Girl *wink*

Hahahahaha...

Days Filled With Work N Play

Meetings these past 3 days.Drag.Had some fun along the way though.Brain drain.Been eating more than usual to meet the energy requirements.Haven't been playing soccer so maybe I've gained a kilogram or two but won't be surprised if my metabolic rate ensures otherwise.

Meeting on Monday was about the national competition.It was pretty much the usual stuff.

On Tuesday morning I came to school for a meeting about the Teacher's Day event preparations.Met the 2 out of the 5 appointed scriptwriters.The rest couldn't make it.Very pleased that one of them came up with an idea for the skit quite quickly,after explaining the theme and laying down a few parameters from which they could with.4 of the 5 scriptwriters are also the appointed project managers.

I'm the Ex-Co in charge so I'm in charge of them,working in tandem with the CCA chairman.Its the 1st time really that I'm put in a position that is so markedly 'executive'.Its a nice thing I admit but I gotta make sure that deadlines are met with decent ideas and work submitted.But looking at the people I appointed,I'm pretty confident we can make it despite a strict deadline to follow.A decent idea came up quicker than expected so its a good sign.

Later on in the afternoon,together with my chairman,we met up with the student advisor and another CCA member to go and scout for props that we needed.Not mucg in terms of quantity but we did find a major prop so it wasn't too big a loss.Did do a lot of walking.Its was just 4 people but we did joke a helluva alot so it was fun.The prop was in this costume shop that we never really knew was there and what was inside.It was really a great place with loads of costumes,perfect for Halloween or any costume party.There's even a small make-up/accessories store next door to complement the costumes that you've bought.This store comes recommended for anyone looking for anything for a costume party.

Today I came to school for a short while for a discussion about what we had found the day before.Soon after a teacher came and a couple of us followed her to look for cloth,part of the props that we needed.Had to decide on the colour and stuff like that.After we bought that,we followed the teacher to the train station,supposedly to go home but after the teacher got off,me and the chairman decided to follow the other two girls to Causeway Point who was gonna look for some new clothes for an event(more on that later)

Farah,one of the gals,picked out this dress that looked really nice and as a result,so did she.I wouldn't mind seeing MJ in a similar number.Haha.Anyways,Farah said if she looked weird on the day of the event,she was gonna kill us !!(me and the chairman Taufiq) We did have fun,two girls and two guys...

We went to the bus interchange,didn't want to take the bus that came my way cos it was already a long line and I hwouldn't get a seat anyway,so after Taufiq and me sent off Farah(the other girl had gone home earlier),I then sent off Taufiq before lining up for my bus at another berth.This time,only 2 people were already in line so I went in cheerfully as I would be assured of a good seat.Boarded the bus,hooked on my earphones and had a very good ride home.Rested my eyes and it was good that the bus' journey was mostly on the expressway which meant it was a smooth ride home with less busptops impeding the way.

Tomorrow's a rest day but I plan to go and get formal shoes and maybe a belt,hopefully a tie.Its for the event on Friday but I needed a belt anyway.

On Friday,members of the CCA will be going to Jubilee Hall to catch a play and support the CCA members
(including Roswell Girlinvolved as the cast.

Just texted her and she said that things went well,despite the few normal glitches.Wished her luck,using the break a leg expression,she replied that a lot of people had been saying that but she still loved her leg.Lol.

Yeah,I know that she's gonna do great for all the shows anyway,no doubt.

Tiring week before the school opens but I've gotta get used to it.

I gotta push the envelopes,find and strech my limits.Gotta remember I'm almost reaching the last lap.

Getting Dug In The Trenches

The new kit for season 06/07 is out from Man Utd.Going with a classic look,harkening back to the 60s.Will be looking to buy it soon enough.

Ruud van Nistelrooy is leaving the club.Disappointed but somehow resigned to it.Slowly accepted since the winding down of last season.Great servant and has achieved a legendary status with a return of 150 goals in 219 games.Long-winded eulogies would seem insincere for this and with all respect and humility I shall simply say thanks and good luck to Ruud.

Can't understand what the gaffer is gonna do to the club but I hope to see quality signings very soon if we want to remain competitive.Too much quality has been lost over the years.

Moving on to school matters.

Meeting at 9am on Monday.Expected to run into the late afternoon.Urgh.That's long.An Exco meeting in the morning before the actual project meeting later.

Was told that the previous intake used their 3rd semester GPA to apply for polytechnic.If that's true than I have 6 weeks to push up my results as high as possible.That's how long this next upcoming term is.Its a bit of a relief cos perhaps it pushes the finish line closer and makes it clearer.But of course,it also puts the extra pressure and tells me that I gotta be at the top of my game next term and bring it on home.There is a need to do well in the last semester but this one just went up on Defcon 5 mode.That means its pretty damn important.

Last week of the holidays.Getting worried about completing the projects that I have lined up.The Entro project is flagged as high priority cos that is a major grade and will help me in this term,which like I mentioned above has added significance.But I mustn't neglect the other smaller ones,which to be quite honest,I find to be niggly and irritating.Wish I could get them over and done with ASAP.

On top of that I still have the CCA projects to contend with.They take up a major chunk of my time and efforts.I'm supposed to be released from my Exco position in January,which will be given to the new intake but I'm also seriously considering dropping it early if it need be.They say its difficult but I really wanna get an A for the Entrepreneurship module.I feel it would be a waste if we didn't cos we have the potential to get that grade.

There is also a matter of my Office Administration module to deal with.It may be the only theory module for this semester but its no easy ride.I have to admit I kinda winged it last term.Expecting a B for the term test.May put in serious work for it if its anything else,cutting back,meaning the CCA projects would be the first to go.It's somehow,in its own way,less strenous than the previous semester yet there is a greater pressure to deliver the results that matter at the end of the day.

It seems so messy now but I'm gonna have to tidy things up to make a clear run for it to the finish line.I have to or all my efforts this past year plus will be a waste.

On another note..

Hope Roswell Girl is fine after the jibes.She should cheer up...

She's got it pretty tough too cos she's gonna be performing along with my CCA mates.Their group is involved in a stage production,which will be debuting at the Jubilee Theater Hall at Raffles Hotel.They have had to face their own set of difficulties.I'd say good luck but you can't do that in showbiz so break a leg then girls.

But she's gonna make it too polytechnic too.Her GPA is a perfect score of 4 and she is also in my Entro. group.So hopefully,we'll progress together.

Wish her well and also that she gets over her worries.

I must get this ready for one final push.Its not quite it yet but its close.6 weeks away.

Can't wait for my semesteral break.I enjoy with extra exuberance cos it will coincide with holidays of my mates,in different educational institutions.I usually use them as markers as to how much more do I have left to run.It will also signal the completion of my projects and hopefully,I will be awarded pleasing returns on them.

I have to say I took my eye off the ball a little last term.Need to remind myself this is a war with myself to do as well as I should.

Focus,man,focus !!!

Something Beautiful Will Come Your Way

I left my house today a little after noon before realising that I was gonna miss the 2006 MTV Movie Awards telecast.Argggh,Jessica Alba !!!! Hopefully,there's a repeat telecast tomorrow night.There better be.

Went down to Act 3 International theater to watch rehearsals for the 'Where I Belong' production staging at Jubilee Theatre from 19-22 July.Roswell Girl's in the group.Was supposed to do an interview or QnA with them cos we wanna raise publicity for them cos they definitely deserve it and it's a must anyway.Didn't actually get down to it when we were there.Only after dinner I town did we settle down at Starbucks to do it.

Starbucls was nice.2nd time in the week I was chilling there but it does take a toll on the wallet.

Sometime during dinner a joke was made about Roswell Girl.It wasn't too malicious or anything like that but from what she confided in me before,I knew that deep inside she was affected by the joke.Our friends also make jokes about us being a couple and I was starting to find them so un-funny and in fact I was worried that she was getting irritated about it.She later dimissed my worry so it was okay.

Back to the aforementioned joke which really affected her but she kept it secret but I was in a position to know that got her really down about it.I texted her later as I got home.Did whatever little I could to cheer her up.

She focuses on her faults but she doesn't realise she's a great enough gal even with those 'faults' and you bet that I told her about it.It felt nice to be a good friend to someone.Sincerely,I felt that she was a friend that needed a pick-me-up.Any ulterior motive? I decided that I wouldn't like myself very much if I haboured any and it was a boost to realise that I knew that.I felt it wouldn't be the right thing to do and besides I at that point I didn't feel the need to hide anything anyway,cos I genuinely felt that she needed a friend.

She's a great gal and she needs someone to show her and let her know exactly how great she is.Lat I enquired this have been quiet on the front with the new guy.He's not her boy by the way.So I don't know about him.As for that person being me,hah,I don't think so.Why?

Cos I wouldn't be serious about her like her guy should be.Not because I can't or I don't want to.I would very much like a shot.But not as much as I would want one with MJ.

But that's not the point cos I just would like to emphasise that,despite what she thinks,I feel she is super.She's low on morale sometimes and I hated the fact that she teared up cos of that.I hate to see people that I like being sad.

I know what I texted her wasn't much,although she was appreciative,I hope something really great happens to her so that she gets out of her funk.

Might As Well Be

I was just going thru Friendster and just decided to go view MJ's photos.No,she didn't have any new photos,it was just ones that were already there for a while.After not looking at them for a while,I guess it was no surprise that I saw them in a fresh,new light and I have to say,it was nice to do that.Just made miss her more.

It gets hard,what with all the constant thoughts of Roswell Girl.It would be admittedly easier if MJ had a few more scenes in my life.

The thing is that,she'll never really know about all this,will she? I know she knows but she'll never really know.Not unless she reads all this.

I doubt that.

I mean she has the link,thru a mutual friend's blog.But the way things are looking,quite sure that she's not too interested.

I just wonder.What is it in me that doesn't get it? Why do my thoughts go wandering back to her?

She is unresponsive to say the least but I guess perhaps,nothing has really been said after so long and that has given me a fool's hope.Perhaps regular interaction,face-to-face would give me a clearer picture.But to ask for that,she might as well be back in her native Deutschland,given that I barely see her anyways.

Train Of (Good) Thought(s)

So on Monday after the CCA meeting in the morning,I went off.I headed off to town to HMV,just to check out CDs and see if they had any cool posters.But I also went there with another underlying agenda.I knew that Roswell Girl was in the vicinity,she had gained a temp job somewhere.So after checking out HMV and finding a really cool Coldplay tee which was way overpriced yet somehow worth it,I headed down to her workplace.

As I was coming down the escalator,I pretended not to look in the shop's direction to make it look like I abruptly noticed her.Did that,waved and then walked off without talking to her.At first I was afraid that I accidently jacked her cos she may have wanted to talk to me but I made it weird cos I immediately had turned away and walked off.
Then,the horrifiying realisation came to me.

Oh,God! What did I just do? Did I really do it? Yes,I came all the way from school to the town area,knowing full well that she would be there,irregardless of the HMV factor.I went all the way just so that I could get a glimpse of her !

That was the kind of stupid thing I would reserve for MJ.The fact that I did this for Roswell Girl showed a change.This showed something new.Some sort of a shift of focus from MJ to Roswell Girl.

ARRGHH ! I don't want thaaaatt...or do I? Its just like fast food.You know that it won't bring any good to you yet you still eat it.I know that doing something like this won't help the focus on MJ,yet I still did it.

Simple reasons why? Probably because of the ever-present Roswell Girl seems better when compared to the virtually non-existent MJ.

I knew I still wanted MJ.But thoughts of Roswell Girl played with my head.The question of whether she would even be my girl was secondary.At this point I needed to know where I stood before anything else.But the ground was clouded with smoke and I couldn't even see it.

But smoke can be cleared up today.It could be by deep brooding,a sudden flash of inspiration,it could be anything.Today the words of an unknown made things better for me. It said that I should stay true to my,and I quote,true love.That I should never ever ever give up on her.

That got me thinking.

Heck,right now,as things stand,she's far from my true love.And I've been after her for more than a year.If logic was to step in,I sshould have been over her a long time ago.

Right.

Then again,if I dared to dream and if I was a fool to believe that dreams come true,then perhaps I could believe that she was indeed,true love.

Haha.

But something she said stuck.True love......

Why did I like her in the first place? Why am I still fighting to love her still now? For surely at some early stage I believed that she could possibly be my true love.And since when has love,or infatutation if you will for that what it surely is now,demanded logic? I started thinking and I found that I loved the feeling that I had when I thought that she could be something special.I remember it.And I want it back.And I want to hold on to it.

I want to hold on to it.

Sometimes,perhaps cos I watch too much TV,too many movies,I'd like to liken a life situation to one.If this was the movies,then it would be MJ,that was the veiled person behind the comments.Lol....its not though,I know,just kidding.I do have a hyperactive imagination.But wouldn't it be cool if it really was her though?

Haha.Just like the movies.Lol.Man I sound crappy sometimes...

Anyways,today a reminder came and inspired me and eventually made me remember how I was emotionally when I liked her at the start.Not her physical looks or anything like that.But I'm talking about the quite lovely,some people say deluded feelings that I went through when I started liking her.I liked those feelings.I want them back.Those same feelings that told me that she could be my true love.That would never give up on her.That she was gonna be worth all the trouble.

It will be hard.But whoever said it was easy?

Today,inspiration came.

Give Chase

''I really fancy the Italians this time round'' - extracted from the post 'The World Watches'.

Its all said and done.The Azzuri have come up tops.Its been a good football tournament.The Beautiful Game has showed once again to the unbelievers and the rest of the world why it is undisputely the world's most loved sport.

What I remember as I was writing the first sentence of this post was that I was just thinking of World Cup contenders and Italy came into my gut and I felt very strongly,very suddenly that they had what it took to get to the Finals.I did think that Brazil were gonna win in in the end but if you get to the final then you'd have a 50-50 chance of winning don't you?

You won't find me as the first person to come out and shout 'Forza Italia!' or anything of that sort but they're not exactly my sworn mortal enemies either.And so I say,good for the Italians.Captain Fabio Cannavaro caught my eye early in the tournament and as things stand he gets my vote for the Golden Ball award.

Final score 1-1.Italy win on penalties 5-3.

MJ's fave is Italy so she should be happy that they won.I'm happy that's she's happy.I wish I could be there to watch her celebrate.I'd would be great to see the smile on her face and just celebrate around her.But my thoughts soon developed further.That I was,my life was,drifting slowly away from hers.Not quite what anyone would want to happen with a girl they like.

It hurts to just stand there and see others around me possibly get closer to her while I stand there helpless,without a clue of what to do to stem the tearing apart.It would be some degree of comfort if the feeling was mutual yet the reality is that she has no clue of what's going on inside of me.

Yes she may have spurned me in the end anyway but just sitting here and not even trying despite the possibilities would be would be a waste.If I tried and she still ended up somewhere else I'd have accept that.Till I try,I'd take it take it let her slip away without giving chase.

Right now,our paths don't seem to be converging anytime soon.Rather,like I said we seem to be turning away from each other.The way things are going,they look to be continuing that way,unless some major twist of fate throws us back togther towards each other.

Oh how I pray for that to happen.


+/ The reason I'm posting now at so early in the morning cos I couldn't sleep after the game and I just was thinking about the Italy-MJ connection and then MJ so.....

The Few Things That Make It Good

The day started out okay but soon delved into a quagmire of irritation.Things just wouldn't go right for me.Things kept dropping back down no matter how I put them,I kept forgetting the location of things I saw only 5 seconds before etc.Little niggly things that kept getting in the way.Things that stopped me from properly enjoying a day alone at home.The last time I wanted one of those I ended up having both my mom and sister at home,so that wasn't really cool.Today I just wanted to chill but one more reason was the weather.It was just too humid.I'd start to sweat even while sitting down.I just felt stifled which in turn made me restless.

The Iced Milo drink that I had bought earlier was in a plastic bag which I dropped,so I had walk home with droplets dripping from the bag and had to deal with sticky fingers and also the floor and the table which I put the bag on when I got home.That was fun....

Still,I managed to watch a rented DVD which was nice.

The evening turned out a little better.Went for dinner with dad and his family at Breeks.Been there a couple of times already but they do have good food,albeit a tad overpriced I feel.Had a good meal of beef lasange,just like the lazy cat Garfield,haha !! Washed that down with Iced Irish Cafe Mocha and a sccop of choc ice cream later.Good stuff.

Dad even gave me pocket money on top of the usual amount of he usually deposits in my bank.Just an extra $10 but I'm not complaining.

I know I did say that I shouldn't look too much into the outing with Roswell Girl.Then how come I am looking back on that day with a sense of fondness? Well,I did have a fun time on that day but could it be anything more.At this point,I would say that it would be highly unlikely.Most probably the cause lies in the fact that this was my first time going out with a girl.It helped that I thought her to be cute and I had a ball of a time with her.

But looking at the bigger picture, I felt it was rather because of the feeling I got from going out with her.It was a fresh item injected into the monotony of routine.School's been the usual,CCA's the actual drag and I was doing the same old things with my friends who weren't exactly leisuring around either cos they had their own things to do.

The preparation for the next stage of the national project is about to begin but these past week really has felt like an actual break,a holiday or vacation.Didn't really have one during the last school hols in April so I had fun this week and the icing on the cake which became the high point of the break for me.

The outing was on the hoghlight reel for me so that's why I feel so happy about it.So its not just solely because of the outing but instead its a combination of it together with other factors,namely the feel of an actual break.

If I could collect $20 more bucks or so I plan to buy another top from Topman.Roswell Girl and I had problems deciding on that one and the one I finally bought.I wanted to get both but I didn't have enough cash.It looks really nice though and if I can I wanna get it as soon as possible.

While I Wait

Didn't do much today.Sort of took a break after the hyping myself up for yesterday.Unnecessary of course,but all worth it I feel.I did take it for much more than it actually was.But amidst all that emotion I did actually manage to have fun with a really cute girl.

But there is still the danger that I might blow things out of proportion.I may start thinking about possibilities that aren't even there.I must make it a point try to keep a level prespective.After all,there was a time when this same girl drove me crazy.(in the good kind of way)

Honestly,I did slip into a reverie and was unaware that I was regarding those moments.Or maybe I didn't.Maybe it's just that I am really comfortable being around her and don't really think it through before any moves.Its almost like a reflex.That means that I just act naturally with this girl and some movements may seem to be choreographed but really,they're not,cos whatever they are.,I'm just doing them with realising it,doing them subconsciously.Only later after a while will I realise that hey,I may have done something here,like a touch of the hand or hair,then ask myself...was it on purpose?

She is just a friend but I did have alot of fun being around her.Just like friends would.This was kinda my first time going out with a girl alone for a social reason.Kinda sad,some may say,but whatever.Would I like to go out with Roswell Girl again? Yes I would...

What then say I about the original perpetrator that dared to steal my heart? Oh what of MJ? Well I was lamenting to myself that I didn't get to see her even though it was Friday,the day that she might have come down to play soccer.Must be a curse,I reckon.

When will be the blessed day that I chance upon her and talk to her? Perchance,she may be so gererous and not just acknowledge myself when she seems me but deems it protocol to talk to me and actually show enthusiasm while doing it and just be plain happy to see me after a long time.Will ever a happy day come?

I wait.

In the meantime,I choose not to shower myself with the burden of misery.I'm far too young and far to busy for that.My heart is still held out on offer to MJ I cannot afford to wait on her for if I do,my future will leave me behind.School matters press on and its a challenge for me to complete.

I will also hang out with Roswell Girl normally as friends in school and if the occasion presents itself,go out with her again,as I have said only just before.I had fun with her and I hope to do so again.

Yags..I've got to go ask about my Entro peoject.Imperative that we get the 2nd proposal done.

Fun With A Difference

Today was pretty fun.It wasn't anything that I've never done before but you could say that it was different,if you consider me going out with a girl alone for social reasons just that.It was purely platonic,nothing more.After a meeting in the morning,I left shortly after noon to meet Roswell Girl in town.

We went to catch Garfield 2.Been waiting a while to catch that.It was one of those movies that you just need to go and see once in a while,just to have fun and not expect anything special out of the movie.Garfield was cute and so was Prince,his doppleganger.It was cute when they teamed up together,cute to see 2 fat cats together.Odie and the other dog,Prince's loyal helper were really cute at times as well.Roswell Girl and I were just 2 cat lovers enjoying the movie.We were just laughung at the cute,cheesy silliness of the cats and the animals.3 out of 5 stars.

I went to Topman later and Roswell Girl helped me pick out a new top.It was pretty decent threads.Something new that I wouldn't usually buy but this really is nice.$53 bux does hurt the wallet though.

Ran into a schoolmate later on.She was on her way to work and Roswell Girl somehow ended up applying for a job at the former's workplace as well.

The Cafe Cartel at City Hall MRT.She says she just wants to try it out for a week.She doesn't have any prior experience in the FnB line.

Guess who wanted to drop by and meet for dinner...THE EX-BF...God talk about potentially awkward.I was afraid of that but nothing too awkward happened even though I was feeling awkward still.The phrase 'three's a crowd' comes to mind.Initially,we both wanted to eat some place like fast food but due to some complications,we ended up having light snacks at Starbucks.Overpriced? In the words of the generic ditzy American teenage girl...LIKE TOTALLY !!!

We went home after that and parted ways at the MRT station.

But really,before that,we were having fun.Not the outwardly,hilarious fun like I imagined but really we just got to know more about each other.I told her personal stuff about me and she told me about her problems.I let her know more about me and I was obligingly a listening ear to her woes.

There I was,with my friend,who just happened to be a girl.Being in an all-boys school for 10 years previously,I did wonder what it would be like to have a good friend of the opposite sex.Guess now I know.

She don't need no boy for now.That would just make life complicated.She just wants to chill and have fun with her friends.That was what I helped fulfil today.

While waiting for her,I thought of MJ and about how she was the one I wanted not her.Admittedly,I did kinda forget her when me and Roswell Girl hit town but after I was alone,I immediately reminded myself of a important fact.That she was the one I really fancied,despite how cool of a gal Roswell Girl is.Will anything develop with Roswell Girl in the future? Who knows? What I know now is that she's just a friend and MJ is the one I fancy.I plan to stick to that for quite a while if ya don't mind.

Cherish The Moments

The hols have been on since the weekend.Nothing much to report really.I have a couple of DVD's lined up that I rented but that can wait.Finished watching all the OC Season 3 episodes that I have,getting more.

Not sure but I should be watching Superman Returns later on in the afternoon.If it turns out otherwise,then its okay cos I get to save some cash for Wednesday.

What's on for Wednesday? Well,I did say I may get to watch Garfield 2.But that depends on circumstances.Someone else may be following me.Its not confirmed yet and I plan to do so with that person later.But I have to say,I just feel that that person may not be available and decline the invatation I made out last week.My main purpose was to decide between and get some new threads from Topman that I saw the other day.

It'll be nice if that person came along.Someone new to hang with.Would make the movie and even a dinner viable.It would be weird if I had dinner alone.That would just be sad.Plus,like I already said before,I would like to catch Garfield 2 before it ends its run in the theatres.

Had a CCA meeting today.Grimly reminded that free days during the vacation will be scarce.Work will need to be done and on that note,there is a minutes document for me to type out and sumbit by the next meeting which is on Thursday.

I can't find my 1st semester results transcript.I need to get it Xerox-ed or photocopied,if you will and send it for sumbission.Along with copies of my 2nd semester and O Level results cert,as supporting documentation for a scholarship application.There's still time yes but I'd like to get it over and done with(my part at least) as soon as I can.

Erm,its 3.34am and I'm still up.Not too sleepy.Just have nothing to do.The luxury of being on a term break.

I guess I am and rightly should be thankful for these free days that I have.Last semester's chaos was definitely a new experience for me.I feel that if and this is a likely one,the new term was to travel along a similar path,I hope it would be more toned down.

I'm gonna look at the big picture here.Just a semester and a half to go till graduation.8 terms total.5 down,3 left.I've got this far and I'm still in the game.Took a couple of heavy knocks this last round but I'm still in the bout and still in a position to win.How to win? Make it to poly...

Looking ahead,the semestral hols start in mid September so the next term would have 7 weeks of school.Nothing major,its definitely manageable.

Wait,I may be getting a lil too far ahead of myself here.Lets stay in the here and now.Lets enjoy the term break as and when work allows.

Better yet,lets just enjoy Tuesday and Wednesday first.

The One Difference

I've been chilling out the whole day.Today's was mom's birthday and pizza delivery and cake.Already bought the present with sis yesterday and gave it to her.

I plan to chill out the whole weekend and not do anything major.Already have CCA and social commitments lined up from Monday to Wednesday so I figure it best to do nothing this weekend as it would mean having an impact on my monthly finances,which I deem unnecessary.

Major event...hols have started.3 weeks long.I would like to have a job.It would be nice to have a couple of hundered bucks have around to ease things up for my mom and it would give me peace of mind when I splash on things that I need,like bags and new clothes.Highly unlikely that I'll get to find a job though,unless I find a temp one that is easy enough to not pressure me.That's the last thing I need after the daily grind of school.

England v Portugal.England have a chance of course.A team of their quality always do but the team isn't exactly on point at the moment.They look sluggish and devoid of penetration.Portugal will be missing Deco,Costinha and perhaps C Ronaldo but I feel that they have enough quality players who will fit right in.Simao Sabrosa should play. Perhaps Tiago? Deco would be their only real miss I feel.

Italy progress as well.They're doing well like I predicted earlier. The one player who merits a place in the tourney's dream team is their captain Fabio Cannavaro.Quite impressive despite playing alongside 3 different partners.He's marshalled the defence brilliantly.Certainly more value than the much hyped Alessandro Nesta.

Perhaps this is a biased view but I sort of dislike betting in football.The money discolours the passion that emanates from supporting a team and blurs the line.The practicality of money will overrule the blind faith that football causes.I have nothing against people who bet.I have friends who do and I am happy when they win but as for me,I'm quite happy to just sit and watch a game of football without having to worry about the exact number of goals being scored.Or support one team in my heart but also hope that the other team wins with the head as earlier deliberation had ruled it practical that the latter emerge winners.Its just football.I'm enjoying it for what it is,plain and simple.

This chilling thing is cool and all but its not as good as it could be cos my mom and my sis are both home.When I need to chill,I'd really like to do it alone.That means I can do anything I want at home without interruption.Feelin a little irritated about that now.

Someone left a comment here (I don't know who) that MJ and I would look good together.Got me in a little smirk thinking how right that would be impossible to find out,seeing as how I don't see MJ around anymore,let alone be seen together with her.

Sigh,Roswell Girl is so much easier to access but I feel that its unlikely anything will happen with her cos I think she's in love with this other guy despite her saying otherwise.The only reason,they're not together is cos she's still recovering from her breakup with her ex.If not for that,I'd think her and that guy would be going for it.

She says that they're just friends.She also once mentioned that we,as in me and her,were friends as well.The difference is that that guy and her have talked about liking each other and the possibilty of something developing betwwen them in the future.Like I said Roswell Girl and I are friends but we don't seem to be talking about that,do we? So that's why I say they are likely to end up together if things continue the way they are.And when she talks to him on the phone,she's so affectionate.Well,she is by nature but more so than usual.

Whatever,CCA meeting on Monday.Superman Returns likely on Tuesday.Perhaps,if I'm lucky,Garfield 2 on Wednesday.