Unlucky

The day started out promising enough.Woke up still dreaming from the independent sleep visions of MJ and Roswell Girl.Caught David Beckham's soccer clinic for kids on the telly.But then the rain came and there must have been something in it cos I felt a little down as the downpour started.Frustrated with the mood,I decided to sleep it off.

All the frustration was probably some sort of a withdrawal symptom.After a whole week of having girls around me in school which just reminded me of MJ,things come to a head as I seem to hit a poverbial brick wall when it really does comes to MJ.All these thoughts in my head on how I would finally make the move and the dynamics between me and her would open up.But when the time comes,I just draw a blank on what to do.

By the time I reawakened from my slumber at 3.I still felt a little bummed out so I rejected the chance to go out and take a breather with my friends,then citing reasons of financial nature(the need to not spend cash) for doing so.

A little bit of the bad mood still remained but it dissipated after I told myself that I would try to make it happen a bit more next time I see her next weekend.

Then it dawned on me that if I had been with my friends,then the chance of seeing her would have been a bit better cos her brother was there as well.She may not have come down with them but even then I would have been around the right people for her to come down to,and if she did come down...well you see my point?

By the time I realised that,it was already 5 and a little too late.I told myself the same thing that I said earlier on.I threw the day away by the way of my own idiocy and I will have to wait 7 days to make up for it.

...More like Tuesday Blues...

Shoutout to Kevin and Salma.Thanks to this trippin' twosome,I've learned how to get songs to play in the background of my blog.Muchas Gracias once again guys.

Monday has come and is passing.The day was pretty alright.Saw Roswell Girl coming up towards where our first class was and was very surprised at myself when up lips curled upwards into a small smile.Like it was some kind of knee-jerk reaction.Of course,I quickly looked away before she could notice my smile.

Yeah,yeah I know.Don't worry,I'm still digging MJ but its nice to have something nice to look at while I'm in school.

Been thinking about the whole MJ thing and how not to get TOO affected if I have a setback with regards to her.I was hanging with her and thought how nice and how less pressurising it would be just to think of her as a friend.I do like her still though.I guess I shouldn't rush it but I should let her see what I got and just take it slow.

Tomorrow is a long Tuesday in school but I am trying to not to get too affected by it.Its a long day and I should just go through with it and stop griping which would make the day seem worse.

Trying to save my cash and not spend.Saved about $30 so far.I won't be getting more till the day after tomorrow though.I just gotta keep saving and try to stop myself from spending uneccessarily.Especially if I want to get those things I mentioned in my previous post.

Can't wait for Wednesday cos its a short school day.No plans for what will happen later in the day though.Maybe soccer as usual,maybe I'll see MJ.

List Yer' Wish

What a rush..I've either been real busy or real stressed out this week although thankfully happy moments were interspersed at the right moments that kept me going.Its tough,especially with school projects that seem hellbent on making life difficult for me and not seeing MJ for about 4 days,even today when I was supposed to 'bump' into her today.But that's OK...I'm still going on fine.Things aren't exactly picture perfect but all the fuss will die down once the weekend comes along and gives me time to recharge.

I thought of buying MJ's present at Tampines Mall where one of the 77th Street's branches is located.But I had work to do..which got screwed up after spending 2 hours on it as outside complications arose.But I'm not gonna let it get me down cos I know that I put in the time and effort to do it but its just that things won't seem to go right for me with regards to this school project.

MP3 player's is spoiled.Uggh..don't ask how.Well,might as well since I've been trying to get into this 'money-saving' mood .Mostly cos I have loads of things to buy;some of which I can get real soon and some I have to save up for a lot longer.

A good pair of jeans,2 new(moderately priced) T-shirts,headphones(which I think I can already get if not soon),MJ's present(likewise,though I still have time).Also a new pair of shoes and 3 pairs of socks.The last one is pretty cheap.As for shoes,I'd prefer an Adidas original but they cost a bomb and I'd probably wannt to get all those other things above first so they'll have to wait.Might get cheaper brands first.A new MP3?I heard they selling cheap ones at a certain place.Oh yeah...I also HAVE to get a new handphone cos the one I have now is simply put,not useable at all.

Man,that is alot of things..where do I start?Well maybe my mom could 'subsidise' the cost of the shoes and jeans.Other than the new MP3,I'm pretty sure I can finance the rest myself.I still have to think a bit on how to get the dough for that..Oh and I forgot again,the handphone..my mom has to get itfor me....hmm...maybe I'll have to buy the jeans myself then.Plus I just remembered I owe a pal $9.50 for the movie tix that he paid for first..

So,over the next couple of days,the items I can take care of include the debt and MJ's present and maybe even the socks.Then I'll have to start saving up again for the headphones.Wait...am I a dumbass or what?I just realised that I don't need headphones cos MY FRICKIN' MP3 IS NOT WORKING !!

Well,that's good in a way...so that means for the moment,the headphones are off my list until I get a MP3 player.So,that means,I'll get the jeans faster.Nice..

That sounds like a plan to me.So I know what I gotta do.start saving as much as I can and I''m looking to cancel off those things on my list as fast as possible. Key to saving money is willpower.Hopefully,I'll hold against temptation.

Gonna head off to Dreamland now.Maybe I'll come in during lunch at school tomorrow and talk about stuff that happened with Roswell Girl in school and my thoughts on the upcoming weekend.No guarantees ,I might be busy.Hopefully not though...

She's Racing Thru My Brain

Its a Sunday night.A cool breeze is blowing and the moon is out in its full beauty,sky full of stars.The lamp lights paint a beautiful picture of the quiet street.The cobblestones are wet from slight rain earlier in the day.Soft music provides a fitting soundtrack to this tranquil evening.Alone in my thoughts,a smile escapes my mouth as I think about the wonderful way the week has been capped off.The smell of saltwater wafts through the air from the not-so-distant coastline.The streetcafe is quiet and the turkey ham sandwich and tea are making my stomach nice and full.Home away from home.

Ahhh,things are sure going good for me.In my mind,I'm in Southern France and all those things I said are really happening.Ok,maybe not but that's how I really feel right now.Plus,listening to Michael Buble complements the feeling of serenity.

Week ended nicely for me.MJ came down..I saw her,talked to her and I felt real good cos I also know that all the feelings of animosity that I thought she felt about me were nothing but figments of my imagination.She thinks of me as a friend and that's good enough for now.Liked the way she came over to where I was sitting in the court and parked her cute lil' derriere down and started talking to me.Given the fact that I haven't seen her for a while,she looked extra nice today

Had been feeling very irritable.Got angry with myself over small things but I pulled myself together and told myself to cool it,calm down and all that.Told myself that I gotta stay positive even if things don't go my way.It worked and I left the house in a good mood.

A new team at the court today.They played pretty football but we got the win in the end.Made good saves that overshadowed one or two goals that I was angry with myself for letting in.So another plus then.

They were checking out MJ when we were leaving,felt a litlle jealous,courtesy of the male ego.But I told myself that I got it good with MJ thinking of me as a friend and I all I have to do is just be myself and be a friend to her.What happens,happens....

But I'm not gonna take that notion of friendliness and run wild with it like I usually do.I'm just gonna enjoy it like I said I would.It feels good and I will enjoy it.Its a nice feeling I have now and I like it that it all enamated from me telling myself to stay positive earlier today and since than its been built on.Thanks,God,for giving me the strength to keep it together today.

Brief Respite

A third of the day gone in school and it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.I mean its not enjoyable but its not that depressing either even though I have to come back later to school after I've done what I've been excused to do and finish up with the lesson its not so bad cos its still within curriculum time anyway.Looking at it positively,at least I don't have to sit throught the full 3 hours of that class.

Yesterday was Thursday and as I usually do,I put plans to happen to 'bump' into MJ at the train station in motion.But this time I saw no sight of her.I did see someone else though.Roswell Girl and she was with her boy.Funny thing is,earlier today,she asked me whether I was going to go on a date yesterday.How ironic..Roswell Girl coming to that conclusion yesterday while I waiting to 'bump' into MJ. Roswell Girl was not alone yesterday.She was with her boy.Based on first impressions,he doesn't look as imposing as I imagined him to be.In fact,he looks pretty normal.

Today's Friday and the week of misery that came after the week of anticipation and later disappointment iss almost over.Gonna rush back after school is over and go play soccer.MJ's gonna be there to so I'm hoping that something will happen although nothing probably will.Well,I'll just have to wait and see.So if anything interesting happens I'll most probably come back tonight and talk about it cos its a Friday and tomorrow is the weekend and I'll stay up alot later than I usually do.

Keep The Faith

Guten morgen ladies & gents,yours truly is coming to you live from the very bowels of Hell.Well,honestly,school's not THAT bad.Just thought I'd come in from a different angle today.

Anyways,I've really thought about it real hard over the past 2 days and did some...soul-searching if you will and finally made peace with the MJ-Roswell Girl issue.Now,I know that Roswell is cute and all but she does have a guy and putting myself in his shoes,I know I wouldn't like the idea of another guy trying to mess with his girl.Also came to the conclusion that she was just a quick infatuation and in fact I've dismissed 80& of my 'feelings' for her.The other 20% is just me honest-to-goodness..thinking that she really has a cute and adorable personality:) :)
And she's really the only real plus for me in this school,keeping me going through the day in school.

About MJ.well I still like her but I decided to try and tone it down.Enjoy the good things that happen with regards to her but there's no need for me to get so down every time some small setback happens.I really just have to stay positive and be cool if things don't go my way.If I feel down,I just have to pick myself up and dust myself off.It sure sounds like one of those lame-ass motivational speeches but hey,even Bon Jovi said that we gotta Keep The Faith....

That's all for now,might come in again later when I'm home and update this thing if I see the need to or if I feel like it.

The Omega Male

I realized that I haven't seen MJ since last Wednesday.All this pent-up 'lovesickness' is gonna go the wrong way.Some of it did and it hurt a little.Found out that Roswell girl does have a boy which is just as well,cos I was not gonna try anything with her but still,I don't know why.Maybe because when I found that out I also found out that it was a certain dead end..

It didn't hurt so much that she had a boyfriend.What did I expcct?A girl that cute?Single?Yeah right.Anyways,her boy's got a bike of his own and all that.I mean how am I gonna compete with that?Girls like guys with that own ride cos they will seem more mature,somehow.I don't know if mature is the right word...is that statement even right for me to say?Well,I'm sure having a ride of your own is a big plus.

Why is it that the girls that I like(more MJ less Roswell) either taken or don't seem to be interested.Even today.I had a small conversation with Roswell girl and another classmate and they said the way I acted to girls was real nice and whoever was my girlfriend would be lucky.Yeah right...then how is it that I'm still unattached.Maybe what they said puts me in the 'nice guy' category.Everyone knows nice guys finish last.MJ also has once casually remarked that she was attracted to guys with attitude.I don't know if I have that....a little yeah but not that much.

In the animal kingdom I would be the Omega male.The last in the pecking order.I know the odds are against me but I'm gonna do the only thing I can do.Fight dem odds.

So,to summarize,I haven't seen MJ for almost a week,at a time when I really miss her more than usual.Cute Roswell girl has a boy,not just any boy but a boy with a ride of his own and is a few years older(a friend who saw them together said he looked 21-22) and more mature.And then there's me...with... my nice guy 'categorization'.Wow..ladies,watch out..HAH! I wish....Fight dem odds...fight dem odds.That's all I can do.

When will the weekend arrive?

Played in that soccer match today.Lost 9-3 but the score could have been alot closer with the chances that we had.Personally,I'm nnot too affected by the score.This game showed that I have made progess.No longer did paralysing fear overcome me as it usually does when I play there.While I know I could play better,I also realised that I actually enjoyed myself and did not have my stomach up in a big knot during the game.

Went to scout up the bunny necklace at 77th Street today.Costs only $9.90 so looks like its a very plausible option for MJ's birthday present.Besides the pink one that I saw,they also come in white,black & silver.Friend commented that I should give her the pink one and I should get myself the black one.Like a couple thing.Yeah right,MJ & I are not even a couple...though I wish that we may possibly be one in the future.

Plans are on to go watch Fantastic 4 on Wednesday.Hope they don't fall through.Can't wait.Monday,school...no mood.Roswell girl is goona be there and she's cute and all but all she does is remind me of MJ.Just looking forward to Wednesday cos of the movie and Friday afternnon cos its the start of the weekend.The wait begins.

AM Special Edition

Just finished doing a bit of work.Tired but restless.I really miss her.Thought about Roswell girl's cuteness but its MJ that I really seem to be missing right at this very moment.Uggghh....lovesickness,at 2-something in the AM with Foo Fighters as the soundtrack,blaring out of the television.Will now bury self in more work,hoping to take mind of the girl but at the same time hoping the same bittersweet memory will stay,for a bittersweet memory still has a little bit of sweetness left inside.Work,here comes me.

Bummer...

What a disappointing weekend.As this week had gone on,I really had high hopes for this weekend.I thought I would be able to make real progress with MJ but as it turns out I never even saw her.Doubt I'll see her tomorrow cos she has church and I've got a soccer match before a movie to watch later on.And the day after tomorrow,I go back to school.Another 5 days to wait before I find time substantial enough to try to make things happen between me and MJ.

All this while,during the week,seeing Roswell girl everyday in school made me think about MJ alot more and I wanted to see her real bad this weekend,also especially after what transpired with her lil bro.ARRGH.Even when I had the chance to yesterday,circumstances weren't right and so I couldn't.

Well,I have a soccer match tomorrow around 11.Hope not to do too badly.Just don't want to have any big screw-ups.MJ's not gonna be there:(...But maybe that'll be good cos she might distract me(cos I'll keep looking at her,thinking about her) and I might have a bigger chance of screwing up if I know she's watching.

Not too excited about the match itself.Just gonna do the best I can and get it over with.Really,the lack of enthusiasm is most probably cos of the lack of contact with MJ.Seems like its all about her,isn't her?Maybe.Maybe it is...

Hopefully the match plus the trip to town later will take my mind of MJ.If not off most of my mind,then maybe at least a little.

Its alright,I'm OK,I think God can explain

Oh man I miss MJ.I had the chance to go see her but I didn't take it.I don't really know why.Part of me just felt like,''why even bother to go see her when probably,nothing's gonna happen?''And I'll end up feeling frustrated and stupid after that cos I'm not good enough to make anything happen.But as I always do,I'll look at the positives and pick myself up and try again.Determined or foolishly stubborn?You decide.

There are times when I really wish that I could be more smooth,more better-looking,more slick,more witty and all that jazz.But I also know that God has His reasons for creating me the way I was created.So with that,all I can do is just go on with what I have.

So simply put,all I have to give MJ is,well,me.But I don't know whether its good enough for her.All I got is me.

I don't know if I'll see her tomorrow and even if I do I most probably won't know what to say to her or how to act around her so that she would be a little bit more comfortable around me.Its a fine balance between not trying at all and trying too hard to get her.I have to get her to be drawn to relax around me 'by matter of circumstance',meaning I gotta seem to do it by accident.

It gets tough.As I gave my reasons to a friend why I wasn't coming to hang hust now,I felt pangs of sadness come over me.Suddenly felt very much like taking a long walk,so I walkied all the way from the soccer court back to my house.I missed her then.

I miss her now.

YOU IDIOT !!!

Well yesterday was pretty eventful.Naw,I never got to say a word to MJ but believe you me,stuff did happen.Her lil' bro Noah picked things up and moved them along real quick.It was an innocent enough question that the young soccer prodigy had asked.A hesitant reaction from yours truly brought about endless questioning...like I was being held by the Spanish Inquisition or something.

I still don't lmow whether he realises its his sister.I tried to withhold as much information as I could for as long as I could but some stuff eventually came out.He should realise that it is his sister if he manages to sift through what is fact and what is not.Some of it was glaringly straight stuff that it was his sister that was my 'girlfriend' that he assumed that I had.

Initials are MJ,she's 14,those he knows for sure.And thanks to outside interference,(though I 'm not sure if he presumes it to be the real deal or just bogus talk) he was told the first 4 letters of her name.M-I-R-J, she's a student at Serangoon Secondary and is in the Dance Club.C'mon Noah,you've got the be able to put 2 & 2 together.He's a smart kid and I'm sure on some level,he knows that it is her and maybe he just wants to make sure before he says it.

If he doesn't really figure it out,that's fine.What if he does?What's he gonna with the scoop that he has?Will he do anything that will bring about marked changes between me and MJ?I have no idea and there's nothing I can do.Noah's got the lowdown on my secret.It's his call.

Oh yeah I saw her today at the MRT station as I expected to but I was too impatient and went down to the platform,thinking that I had already missed her.Standing on the opposite side,I watched with a sense of helplessness as the train carriage pulled up and she exited from the auto-door nearest to the stairs and started climbing up,wasting no time at all.I made a feeble attempt to call out to her but soon she was higher up the stairs and I realised any further attempts to get her attention would seem too desparate and might be possibly embarrassing to her as others would also be alerted to her prsence.So I stopped and cursed myself for not being more strong-willed and waited upstairs at the ticket section where she would have definitely seen me as there was only one exit from the station.Dumbass me.Dumbass indeed.But reflecting,I realised that even for those few seconds,it was nice enough for me,just to see her,even it was mostly from the back.

Well the real biggie was what went down with Noah and his questions.I don't know what's gonna happen.Ball's in the air,lets see where it lands,shall we?

Hola Chica Bonita

Laptop's back at home,internet's back up again so I guess I'm back.I want to be more regular in my posts but franly, I don't know if I can.I've got real full days now that I've attending that ITE which by the way,is only so cos I can delay NS.Add studying my Maths and playing soccer/hanging with friends,it doesn't leave me much time for doing blog stuff.

Still trying to find out how to put up songs in the blog that play as soon as the blog page is opened.HTML programming stuff.Friend's learning that so I hope to finally learn how to do it from him.

I know its a little early but I wanna get a prez for MJ's birthday which falls on August 23.Already got a prez in mind and wanna get it early and be done with the hassle.Must find out the price first though.Gonna be able to meet and talk(a lot,maybe?) to her tomorrow.Hpefully,I'll come back here with good news tomorrow.But why does part of me feel like nothing's gonna happen,just like all those other times before.?

Even saw her that time I was coming back from school as she was on her way to her German class.Hopefully I'll bump into her alot more often.Seeing her for a few seconds is better than not at all.

Fantastic 4 is coming soon.A must watch for 4 reasons:
1)Jessica Alba
2)Human Torch looks 'cool'
3)Dr Doom
4)Superhero action blockbuster

Must make a list of new words I come across and old words that I thought I knew and find out thie proper meanings and usage.My vocabulary level is slipping.Tsk,tsk..not acceptable...

Yay..at least I finish school early tomorrow..at 1215.Then its off to MJ,friends & soccer.

Foot In Mouth Week

God...finally managed to find some way to update this blog after what seems like an eternity.Doing it out of a cybercafe...by cable has been cut and the internet as well and it'll only be back up in about 2 weeks time or at least i hope so.

A lot of things have happened and thought alot different things.Not sure if I'll be able to recollect and fit everything into this one blog.It may not also be explained fully as I'm at the cybercafe so its like I'm on the clock here but I'll try my best.

First things first...MJ.I've always known that some other people at some time or other will say that he likes but I've always managed to push it aside,and just believe(perhaps foolishly) that I have a chance.But recently,this past week seems to be Foot-In-Mouth Week(not to be confused with the Foot & Mouth disease) for me with regards to her.I just keep saying the wrong things to her.She must think I'm an irritating fuck.I'm not fronting or anything with her.I'm not even trying..I just say the wrong things,trying to be sarcastic but I do forget that she is a gal and not a dude...ah,the folly of spending 10 years in an all-boys school have come back to bite me on the ass.What goes around comes around.

Have I heard about other boys liking her before.Yes..do I get jealous?I'll be lying if I said I don't.Sometimes I do feel like just giving up.What chance do I have.??I don't know what the hell it is that's in me (maybe the hopelessly foolish romantic in me) but somehow I'll be able to rekindle my enthusiasm in the 'pursuit'

That's all for now guys..clock's running...I'll go on some other time.Loads more to say.Question is when I'll be able to write what I want to.Its arrivederci for now.