God Rocks

Well whaddaya know...I can finally afford to buy that high end MP3 player I've been eyeing for a long time ago.

Out of the blue,I was notified that I would be receiving some cash as a small scholarship thingy.I expected $250,maybe $500 at most.I most certainly did not expect a whooping $1200...

I gotta stop here for a moment and thank God for this blessing.Thanks God.Really.

Gonna use a bit of that cash,maybe bout a third and then keep the rest.Maybe I'll get a mobile but I would see how much cash I have at the end of the festive season.

If I had a gal,this would be the perfect chance to spoil her but unfortunately I am unattached at the moment...

I think I know that MJ thinks of me as a friend(duh!) but now the big difference is I think I do too,more than usual anyway.Maybe one day things will happen for me,whether with her I don't know..

She seems to be more comfortable around me so that's good news.

Apparently I'm Just Okay

Friday turned out to be pretty okay.I had a spot of shopping to do with the family which was tiring but it was events earlier in the day that made the day pretty good.

I don't know why but MJ talked to me a fair bit more than she usually does and I reciprocated that and talked to her as well and I was pretty comfortable while conversing with her.

Other days I would be elated that it turned out this way.But I guess,since I'm trying to get over her and all,it just feels normal.Which really,is a bit of a waste,cos it was a good day with MJ and I shouuld be feeling happy but I guess not.

.Okay.That's all.The operative word.Surprising to me but that's how I feel.Just okay....

But I wou't be surprised if the tables turn and I get hung up over her a few days after this.In fact I expect it.Today I made progress to get over her but there are more days where my resolve be tested.

Already on the taxi ride home from the shopping trip I was dreaming about MJ as the I passed by her neighbouhood.

Moving on....

A couple of good movies are coming up.Aeon Flux,Harry Potter among others but one that really caught me by surprise was Chicken Little.Its 3D animation and does seem to have a good storyline which is funny and very interesting.I remember reading Chicken Little as a kid.It was about the chicken that thought the sky was falling and casued pandemonium among his friends but it was all a false alarm cos it turned out he had just been hit by a falling acorn.The movie takes the story past that event with very creative ideas and makes it a good plot.The main character and his friends seem to be very funny(esp. the fat pig,aptly named...Runt Of The Litter...or Runt for short..HAH !)

Chicken Little looks like a fun movie and it makes it onto the list of movies I want to watch.

I know that I said I feel okay but I feel that I should repharse and summarise that into..I feel okay about a day that was pretty good.Don't quite match up but that's the way it just is.

Feelings For Friday

Taking a break from wiping windows and doors in my house.It a yearly thing in the household.Troublesome stuff,that but it still has to be done.

Tomorrow's another Friday.Another day that I might see MJ.Thing is this time..I THINK..I won't be affected..not too much.I think I'm getting over her bit by bit.She would have been glad to hear that I'm getting off her back(if she knew I liked her that is..don't think she does but she wouldn't have liked it if she knew I did anyways)

Its good for the both of us.I wouldn't be feeling down all the time and she wouldn't get teased about it by my friends.Besides,she was never ever and never will be,interested in me in the first place.

Its still a long way to go but I'm getting there.Plus,a month's break from Roswell Girl is doing me good.I was getting off her a bit towards the end of the semester and won't be so hung up over her when school reopens.

But now if you ask me..Roswell Girl or MJ....I would still say..MJ..if I had to choose that is...I mean Roswell Girl is just a friend,even if she was unattached,I still saw MJ first and basically speaking I just 'dig' her more than Roswell Girl.

May have lots of cash coming in over the next month or so.That's always good news.

Now below is something I found while trawling through the Net.I would like to give the credit content to the person known as CURE4ITCH on the Linkin Park Numb journals....don't know who he is but he makes lots of sense to me.

I can't believe how much the 1st paragraph is almost a mirror image of my situation...and the 3rd and 4th paragraph explains why I feel the way I feel.

:47 PM PST: BEING LOVESICK It is amazing how girls can drive you up the wall and make you go crazy...Lately, I've been feeling lovesick and it's been such a burden in my heart that I sometimes can't concentrate on normal everyday things. I think I have come to the point where I can say that I'm falling in love with this girl. It hurts so much that I can't be with her and the fact that she doesn't share the same feelings as she does for me. I can't make her like me because it is wrong to force someone to do something that they don't want to do. Maybe in time she will develop feelings for me and who know what will happen, but still it hurts so much that you can't be with someone no matter how close you are to them. It makes me happy to be with her, but it makes my heart heavy everytime.


However, despite all this, I've realized something. I have always asked why would some guys like us would fall for or like a girl that would never feel the same way or a girl that totally out of our league? I think I know why and the reason is from this one book called "The Alchemist." The story is about a boy who embarks on a journey to discover great things and most importantly, the importance of following your dreams.

There is one line in the book that truly summarizes the whole theme of the book and answers my question earlier:"It's the possibility of having a dream come true is what makes life interesting."

I've realized that it doesn't matter whether the girl is out of your league or whether the girl you like doesn't feel the same way you feel. The important thing is having that faith or dream and holding on to it. Maybe one day she will see how much you feel for her and fall in love with you. It's the feeling that hope. It's understandable that it's going to take time, but that feeling of having a dream is something remarkable and worth holding on.

5 Stars

I finally caught GOAL! at the theaters today.Late,I know but at least I saw it.It was good,everything I expected it to be.It may not be critically acclaimed but it certainly captured all the emotion that is expected from a rags-to-riches story like this.Add to the fact that,soccer was the driving force of the story makes it even better and it had my attention the whole way.

Halfway through the movie I came to a realisation on why I was so hooked and almost seemed to be in awe.The story that was unfolding on screen was exactly what every football-lover had at least once dreamt or fantasised about and that was to turn professional.It was a realisation of the same dream for the protagonist and I was there along for the ride and seeing it all happen.

Thank God I have already cemented my football affiliations since I was young.If I was a newbie to the Beautiful Game I could possibly be swayed to support Newcastle United.The Toon Army love their club LOTS and I got insight to why.Having said that,I state that I am a Red Devil for life, and then some...

Overall I give the movie 41/2 stars.5 just cos its about soccer.I haven't had a '5' ever since the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.This trilogy looks to do the same,though perhaps in a different way:football.

I had the chance to clarify stuff with one of MJ's bros today but alas,I did not take that chance,choosing instead to steer away to other topics.I kinda didn't know how to start on that particular topic and by the time I did,it was too late.

Jetsetter? Well,I Wanna Be One Too

I was thinking about something.I wanted to clarify stuff with MJ's younger bros so that they wouldn't tease her with the fact that they knew I liked her.I was thinking of what I would say to them and suddenly thought,'If I told them not to believe my friends when they say that I like MJ,and to believe me when I say that I don't like her',would that be true?Technically,no cos I did like her but trying not to anymore.

To put it simply I like(d) her but its turned out to be a pointless pursuit so that's why I'm stopping.Whatever,I'm sure that MJ would want me to do exactly that,if she knows how I feel.

Anyways,I heard from my mate that the girl that he wants so bad but can't get(long story,though stupid him,he certainly had the chances.So dioI but the gal in my own story is not feeling it)she went overseas to visit relatives I think.She went to Edinburgh,Scotland.Lucky gal.I so want to be a traveler.A jetsetter,not on the money side but just for the sake of traveling and seeing this great,big world.It is big if yiu think its big,despite the advancents made in air travel.See that Edinburgh has nice flat fields and a skyline not dominated by concrete,quite unlike Singapore.

The girl in question is also doing Mass Communications,my dream course but that's another story I don't want to get into.

Manchester United drew their game today.Wanted to win but played well enough,better than the last game,against the 2nd place Tottenham Hotspurs.We're 3rd by the way.Expected a tough game,got a tough game.I'd love for the team to get wins over the next few games,in fact,I'd love for them to win every game from now on but almost near impossible.Expectations for the season:2nd place league finish.The FA Cup should be ours and to reach the quarter,maybe semi-finals of the Champions League.That would be an inprovement over the performances of the past few seasons.To do it with an squad of emerging youngsters,that would bode well for the future of the club.

I'm Trying But Its Not That Easy

Things are kinda screwed up with my browser nowadays.I can't view my own blog,and music on my Friendster profile can only be heard by me and nobody can hear it when they view mine.Also just started messing about with CSS layouts.Not very good but getting better at it.

May need help.From MJ,cos she knows a bit more cos she's been trying it out longer than me.A good way to find out if she's not too freaked out by me to give me a hand with the CSS stuff.I saw her today at the street soccer court.She said Happy (belated) Birthday to me(again) but this time,in person(finally!).So that's four times...add that to the fact that her brother told me that she was hiding behind the door when I came to get the ball a few days back makes matters most intriguing and interesting.

What is she trying to get at?My mates thinks its cos she's shy.About what?See,if what her bros say is true,she actually has read this particular blog and knows exactly how I feel about her,from a few months back to till now.But why was she hiding behind the door?Was she afraid that I would do something freaky?Maybe...

My friends say its cos she's shy.C'mon guys,you're kidding.Her?Shy..about seeing me?Riggghhttt....

I feel that the correct feeling is not so much shyness but more closer to freaked out..by me and also by the stuff that I wrote right here.But then again she did act normal and said gave me birthday greetings when she saw me...she must be good at hiding the fact that she is freaked out.

Well maybe she knows that I am trying to forget her,if what

One thing that is not helping are my friends.One of the closer ones especially.He knows the whole story and is cool when the rest of my friends aren't around but when they do come and start jibing me about her,he gets in on the act as well.Which is actually fine cos its all good- natured fun but it is certainly problematic if they do it so brazenly and are very direct;they say stuff right when she is around.Really not helping me.

Cmon guys,I'm trying forget that I like her.I'm sure that (if she does know),she would want me to do just that and get me off her back.I don't know if her bros are reading this now(they said they read my blog before,not sure if they are now) I wanna tell them that I really am trying to forget about their sister.

That's the end of that.Till anything new develops at least.

A Birthday Wish Best Forgotten

Burfday's an hour from being over.Just felt normal.Gotta thank God for all the good things that are in my life.Life may be unfair but I gotta roll with the punches and so far I'm still standing.

I have to stop thinking about MJ.Its what I think she would want as well.She's gonna want to concentrate on her studies and wouldn't have time for all this nonsense especially from guys like me.If she was cool with me then I would certainly see her being more friendly.Not helping is the fact that I get dead scared when she's around.Though I'm working on that and that's not so much a factor as it was in the past.

I think its working so far,save for a couple of moments which I managed to dismiss.It would certainly have been nice to receive a Friendster testimonial from her but its OK cos I think she wished me Happy Birthday about a couple of times.Strangely she never said it directly.I got it thru her brother and my mate.Thru MSN Messenger and also when I went up to get the ball from her house.Good enough for me though,especially if she meant it and wasn't just saying it for politeness' sake.A testimonial would have been nice but I figure she's got it covered with the (sincere?) birthday wishes...

I want things to happen but alas its better for her if nothing happens.She shouldn't waste her time.Well not on me at least.But hey,its my birthday and I would want to once again thank God for all the good things that I enjoy and also the bad things that have made me stronger.

DUDE !! THAT IS WACK !!

Its weird.Every part of me is asking why I'm not outside on a perfectly good Saturday afternoon.I feel like I should be,like some sort of routine should be doimg but I'm resisting.

I feel a little different today.I want to do things I don't usually do and ignore things that I usually jump right in for.It caught me off gaurd and it might also do the same to people who know me.

I want to clean up my room.I want to study a bit more.I want to stay in and eat in.I don't want to be slacking somewhere.Even as I'm typing these words now I feel a little strange.

Well maybe,I want to eat in because I feel obligated to my mom to do so.Also,constantly eating out means that I constantly spend money and that's not really good for my finances.I do have to work with a budget,ya know.

Usually,my leg is itching to kick a ball and run around after it.Not so much today.This recent week has seen me drained of energy because of the fasting month and its compounded by the fact that I break fast with so little after such a strenous rush.

No slacking or loafing around today.Not because of my friends but I feel that I could be more productive in other areas.My room needs a cleanup.Bad.

There are days when everyone acts out a little and seem a little off and I guess that this is just one of 'dem days....a day for me to take a breather from the usual.

One of the things I've been missing very lately is a good read.Problem is that I've read the books in my house many times over.A new Robert Ludlum would do it but I also haven't read a new Archie comic in a while.

I know I could have seen MJ today with it being the weekend and all but I wasn't too keen on doing so.Pray tell,whether anything happen if I came?Hardly.Instead it would be just like any other day where nothing happened and I would be all down about it.So I decided to save myself the trouble and not go through with all that today


Many a post back I said I should be forgetting about MJ.Really should.Don't think she would even care if she knew how I felt about her.So really,I should be forgetting about her,especially if I get signs that she's not too keen.Not that I have but I figure that I should save us both the trouble and also,the (eventual) heartbreak for me.Many things however,are easier said than done.But I still really feel I should forget about her.

Time to continue cleaning my room now,while waiting for this weird behaviour to wear off and for a return to normalcy which should do by the time soccer on the TV rolls up around 7.40 pm.Expect a full recovery by 9.55,the commencement of the Manchester United game.

School's Out ! :: Que Sera Sera ::

The last day of school has come and at time of writing is over so all that is left to do is to study up for the exams which come next Monday and Wednesday.Unless I go off the rails,I should be able to do well enough for those 2 tests.

No more Roswell Girl for a month.While I've been off her for a while now,the sight of her still picks me up whenever I happen to be feeling down so that's something I miss though certainly not as much as I would have before.

5 days to my birthday.

Big Whoop.Not.

It really feels quite insignificant to me,like its just another year,another birthday.Personally,the only things that come good for me by turning 18 is that I would be able to watch and rent M18 movies.I would also be able to take the driving test but that's not on the cards for me at the moment,maybe it will be within the upcoming year but its not something I think about.

Have this feeling that its the sweet lil things that would be able to make my 18th good.There are things that I should be grateful for and that's all I intend to do.Be grateful.But there's no need to celebrate them.I don't see the need to.

Will one pop-up over the next few days?I don't think so.

It sounds as if I'm very bitter and down about it but I'm not.Instead,I'm just accepting the fact that I'm turning a year older and just don't see what the fuss is all about.They say the 18th is special as it comes around just once.Don't the other numbers come once just as well?

But hey,life is unpredictable so I'm just as prepared to be happy just as I am to be feeling normal about it in the end.As the saying goes,whatever will be,will be.

Birthday Wishes

October 7th was my sis' birthday.She turned 24.I will be turning 18 on the 18th of this month.She got 2 boquets of flowers plus presents so it was all good for her.

I would like a 5GB Creative Zen Neon but really that's wishful thinking.A new wallet or cash to buy new clothes would be more realistic to expect.But what I REALLY want is nothing of the material sort.I would really like it if a certain someone would give me the chance to get closer to her.Right now,the way things are,I have a much better chance with the wallet or clothes.

One question...if you're looking for love,would you grab it as quickly as you saw it coming or would you wait instead for the right one? I would do the latter.For the record,I would like to say that if there is one thing I want to be selfish,choosy and exclusive in,its love.What I mean,is that I will never want to like a girl just because I can and just because the opportunity is there but I want to do so only because I really like the girl.

God,I hate days like these.I-Miss-MJ days.Why I do even when I know she doesn't even care about me is a mystery to me.The song that fits this feeling is The Click Five's Just The Girl(was previously on my blog).I never know quite what to say around her and thus,vice-versa.Every time she comes close,I'm afraid to move.Idiot.

So if there's one thing I could ask for my birthday is that I get less shy around MJ and she would be more open to me.If I rubbed her the wrong way or offended her in the past without knowing it,please let it be forgiven or forgotten.Are you listening,God.I know I don't deserve it but maybe you still could...

I gotta go sleep off this feeling and just get to tomorrow.

The Road To An Epiphany's Birth

I'm so frustrated.So tired.Part of me just doesn't care anymore.I'm not in the mood for much but the thing is,I've got no time to mope.That's not the way the way this world works.I just to do whatever it takes to pick myself up again and get back up in the rat race.

One thing I hate is how quickly discredit me sometimes.Especially when its in something I enjoy doing and just maybe done enough to consider myself good enough.Yeah,people,I know that you want to flex your egos but who said anything about stealing your thiunder? I don't need to do that.I'm a team player or at least more willing than some to try and be one.Another thing is how people seem to want to give me chances just because they think I need one.I simply don't like that.Yeah,I may not be able to make it but at least let me give it a shot,

Don't even want to start on MJ.That's another big issue that I'm too pissed to talk about.What's the use?All its gonna do is make me more upset.

One thing though.Roswell Girl keeps appearing in my dreams.The dreams aren't about her but she's just in them.I don't know why but its kinda bugging me(just a small teeny bit though).Why not MJ?Don't wanna open that door at this moment.

I need a creative outlet to release all this pent up crankiness.I have ideas but I don't know if people are willing to listen.Even worse,they may take it and shove behind their own ideas.Its not really happening to me now but its happened to me before in the past and really don't want it to happen cos that really would rile me up.

Ordinary Blip

I thunk I've finnaly got a handle on the whole MJ issue.Not thinking abour her as much nowadays and that is a good sign.Whether she thinks of me as a clsoe friend is another matter.Haven't had chances to get close to her,just don't know how.

Will she even give me a chance to.Try too hard and she might think of me as a pest(if she already hasn't) but not try and she might not even notice me(not sure she does even if I try).I'm just a blip on her radar,I guess.

I don't think I'm gonna do much for my 18th birthday.Am I supposed to?I mean,I thankful for the things that I have but there's nothing new and significant happening.Is the 18th birthday supposed to mark something?Right now it just seems like another birthday.I'd like for nice things to happen on or around the day but I don't mean a party or anything like that cos that would be something I don't really need.Maybe instead lil things could happen to go my way and make my day a good day.A day where I feel real good,giving off and getting back good vibes from everyone all round.That would be very much appreciated.

Tides Of Change

Just watched 'Four Brothers' today,headlined by Mark Whalberg.It wasn't overly exciting but I wouldn't say that it was a waste of money either.A very entertaining drama with action abound.The storyline could have certainly been explored more but can't really expect that from someone whose recent big hit was 2 Fast 2 Furious so story depth was barely existent.2 1/2 stars of out 5.

Roy Keane,the talismanic leader of Machester United says he will leave at the end of this season.Its deja vu.It harks back to the time an equally influential Frenchman that went by the name of Eric Cantona,left the club at the top of his game.I thought that it was going to be the end of the team but the team adapted and found another leader in Roy Keane.I have since learnt since Le King's departure that Man Utd are a big club and big names will come but they will also leave.

No doubt that we will miss Keano as a player but I fear that he will be missed more as a leader.Though no player is or has ever been for that matter bigger than the club,there has always been a leader of the players,both on and off the pitch.Who will take over for the future? I think maybe Rio but I feel that Rooney would be a good choice especially.He does have similar characteristics to King Eric.though perhaps not now.Maybe in 3 seasons time.Ruud van Nistelrooy would make an excellent leader and his work with Rooney could be beneficial to the latter.

Only 2 more weeks of school left,18 days away from turning 18.19 days away from the holidays.Can't wait.