Just buzzing in my mind

Don't want to jinx it but what the heck.I'm gonna get a new MP3 player tomorrow.Here's hoping all goes well and I actually do get one tomorrow.

Been talking about it with mates.What I know now about the thing with MJ is that,yeah I want something to develop between me and her but I'm not sure its exactly what most people think I want.Instead of being a bf-gf mode,I would much rather be close friends with her.I'm sure I've said this before.

Now with her brother knowing for sure that I like her,I'm afraid he might let this fact slip somehow and that would be really dangerous.How she would react to that fact I cannot predict.

Well that was just a short note of my thoughts for now.At a mate's place.Soccer today.MP3 player tomorrow...hoepfully.....

The Week In Retrospect

I was supposed to post after I got back from the chalet but a combination of laziness and tiredness meant I haven't done it till now.

Turns out I did stay over a night at that chalet.Pretty ok stuff.Roswell Girl came and was looking nice.Her boy came later as well.He's not that bad actually.Nice guy and everything.I didn't feel bummed out or anything like that 'cept when they were cuddling and I was a little envious but it was just a litlle niggly feeling that I brushed off.The thing is,they sorta looked right together.Don't quite know how else to put it.

It was a little draggy at times but card games,tv and movies made it pretty fun.Wanted to crash out around 3 am but couldn't.So I half-slept and half-watched the movie that was on.Managed to get a space on a pullout bed.I finally knocked out around 4.30 am.I was so beat that I didn't care much that I was sleeping next to a girl.I was like "Hey,introvert-on-reform me is sleeping next to a girl.Oh,whatever,lets just get some sleep."

Got 3 hours of sleep.Woke up and saw Roswell Girl waking up with her boy.Envy meter jumped straight up.Remember in my previous posts I twice mentioned woke up alone at home and I wished Roswell Girl was beside me?Well she was waking up close to me(other side of the room) but she wasking up with some one else.Lucky bugger.Ah well,like I always said,she wasn't the one I want.MJ.......

Its not in a needy kinda way.I mean I'm pretty cool with where we are.She's talking to me normally.Her other brother(the older of the 2 brothers;she's the eldest) knows for sure that I like her but he hasn't blabbed(at least I think not).If he has then there certainly hasn't been any averse reaction.Talked to her today.Well,she talked to me first.So that's nice.Seem to have made progress from the 'I think she hates my guts' days.

Jolly good then.

Her birthday was this past Tuesday.But I only gave her the present on Wednesday.As it turns out,it wasn't the necklace as I thought it would be.I'm not too sure if she was a necklace kinda girl.Sides,I was worried that I was sending too strong a message.I got her a little toy doggy.A little too insignificant I think now.But I can't change it now can I.She was having a bit of a bad day and was a little less up for people at that time.Plus,the rest of the guys were kinda peeking from round the corner and she was a little put off.All this put me off.But I don't think it affected anything.She was having a bad day that's all.Yeah I wish she could have been all chirpy and good but at least she didn't bite my head off or do anything negative.I did give her a prez and its the thought that counts right?

Rest of the week passed without too much incident.Really hoping that I'll get my $150 cash tomorrow.Sick and tired of the hole in the front of my left shoe.Many a pair of socks were ruined by that hole.Friction and all that.Need a new pair of shoes.Bad.Adidas of course.Saw an 256MB MP3 player going for $49.Hopefully,that offer is still running.

Stuff To Do,Places To Go

Gonna pop over to the mall just before noon tomorrow to get MJ's prez.Gotta rush back straight and get ready to go to a chalet my classmates are having.Not really too keen on it but made my promise that I would come and so I will.Roswell Girl might be there(or she might only be coming on Tuesday I'm not sure) and sure that's a plus but I don't really care.well I do but not too much.

The week break has started but it doesn't feel significant.Already completed 95% of my work I'm supposed to do so that's good.

Really not too keen on that chalet thing but guess I gotta go.I mean I don't mind going but its the time that I'm expected to spend there 7pm?The whole day would be wasted in the sense that I was hoping to spend some time around my area after leaving at 6 from the chalet.Its about an hour's journey to get there.On top of that I don't even know whether Roswell Girl's comin tomorrow or the day after.If its the latter,then I won't be able to make it cos its MJ's birthday.

Not that I'm sure I'll be doing anything on that day but anyways the point is for me to at least be around,in case I miss anything.Whether or not I give her the present is not that important.Its nothing big anyway and not costly at all.Although I do hope I pluck up the courage to give her present.

Words Are All I Have

Alot of things have been going on with Roswell Girl and its all good stuff that I'm not complaining about.But Roswell Girl's already got a boy and she's not really the one I want anyway,even with her being as cute as she is.

No matter if I spend a week in school with Roswell Girl.As soon as I see MJ's face,even if it is for a few seconds,I'll get lost in her eyes and never want to leave.(But I do of course,I have to or I'll just look weird staring at her)

She was out today but came back and I managed to get a glimpse of her when she put her head out over the parapet and I looked up.A thought came across in my mind later on.What if she was out on a date?Well I don't know why but it didn't really bother me that much but my mind roamed and and afterthought developed.

What do I have to show her?All I have is words.Physically I'm not the best,that I know.I'm not the most good-looking or most charismatic or richest yada yada yada....But you know what world?How bout I just give it a shot?You made me start from behind the start line and I'll dom't know when I'll reached the finish line but I'm still gonna run the race.

All I got to give to MJ is words.I don't know if that is enough.Maybe someone will come along and show her more.Will she take it?I don't know..only thing I wish for if she does is that that someone take good care of her.It would hurt but if I can't be happy for now then at least she's happy right?

But before I get carried away,gotta remember that this is just my mind wandering..just saying if the guy was good and she was happy I would let her go as much as it would hurt.But who's to say I won't get her myself?I don't know the future,do I?Its all up to God.I'll just wait and see what happens.

Food For Thought

"Would you let go of someone that you adore simply because you see that she might better off and happier with others even though you wish you could give her your everything and try to be everything you can just for her sake?"

Just food for thought...

Just 5 More Days To Go

The countdown begins.Only 5 more days of school before the week-long break.Feeling jaded as it is.Just 5 days.Gotta hang in there.

Mooday's fine but Tuesday and Friday are gonna be real drags.But as always,Wednesday's easy-peasy and a plus on Thursday cos one class is taken off just for this week so that means I end an hour earlier on Thursday.

Had a pretty good weekend so that's a plus.Would have been real difficult if I had to go back into the cauldron of school on the back of another boring weekend.Especially this week,don't quite know why.

Played a bit at the soccer court today.Let in soft goals as a goalie but made a few decent saves as well.More importantly,felt more comfortable than I did last time out as goalie. Lost the feel after not playing there for quite a while.Sounds like I'm making it such a big deal but it certainly isn't.But surely its always nice to play well,even if it is just a game in the neighbourhood soccer court.

Feeling a big achy in the arms and left leg after a post-match kickabout agianst 2 of my mates who teamed up together,so it was 2 V 1 and I had a good workout.

Football season is back.The chants.The cheers and the boos from the fans.Its all back and its all brilliant.Here's to another memorable season of soccer,The Beautiful Game.

I watch other sports as well,like tennis,F1 racing and even a little basketball.But no other sport capurtes my heart and imagination quite like soccer does.

Oy Ref !!

GOOAL!!! The European football season is back up and running once again after a brief respite and it is time for every football fan to rejoice one again as I am doing.Wonder what wonderful footballing moments we will witness this time round....

Of course I'm wising that Manchester United will have a successful season.Hopefully they will play better this season.Malcolm Glazer's come in now.Nothing can be done about that except to fully support the club through whatever.Still worried that the club is still financially at risk but I think things will be fine if things are taken care of on the pitch.

First game of the season went well enough.The team ran out 2-0 winners with goals from Ruud van Nistelrooy and Wayne Rooney.Park Ji-Sung acquitted himself well enough.Good start to the season.

COME ON YOU REDS !!!

Woke up alone in the house again this morning.Mused on MJ and Roswell Girl before falling back to sleep.I missed MJ especially.I even dressed up just a little bit more today in hope that I would get to see her on the way back from some other stuff later on in the day.

Had a friendly game with a couple of random guys at the soccer court yesterday.MJ even played with 2 of her friends.My mate and me joined in a little later and we helped her to score her very first hat-trick(3 goals).I myself made 2 of those goals for her.I was grinning from ear to ear, like a big dumbass,especially after she said "Yeah Khai nice pass" or something along those lines....

Well my one week term break is in a week's time and her birthday is during the break and maybe I finally will give her that present.I just want her to see me as a good friend,the kind that she looks for if she's bored,the one that she goes to if she needs to talk to when she has a problem.At least that.I mean,I'm not even asking for anything more to happen,though I wish for it.

So went out with the guys and had a really good lunch.It was at one of those places where it was all-you-can eat places where you cook your own food and it was a nice experience,away from the norm of just ordering and getting your food.Wish I could have stayed and walked around but we had to go home and catch the game.

Took the bus from the wrong side of the road so we went the opposite direction before we got down and took the bus all the way back the other,correct way.Missed the first minute and 12 seconds of the game.

Its been a good Saturday,except for the fact that I did not see MJ.

:( Miss her:(

The Long Weekend

Its the National Day weekend so its a really long weekend.Monday was a half-day and Tuesday is National Day itself so its a really long weekend before I go back to school on Wednesday,which usually ends pretty early anyway.So the week winds down before it really starts.

I asked and found out from Roswell Girl that her birthday is on the 28th of August,5 days after MJ's.She went on to say with a smile that I should get her a prez...Should I??...Naah..Its not that I don't want to but its just not appropriate.

Left school and went to meet the guys and MJ of course.Realised just how much I missed her,inspite of all these things happening with Roswell Girl.

Woke up this morning 7am all alone at home.Everyone else was already out.It felt real nice.Thoughts crossed my sleepy mind.Two thoughts to be exact.Yup its those 2 again.It would be a pleasant sight if I opened my eyes and were to see either Roswell Girl or MJ next to me.No funny business though,just want to appreciate the beautiful in a beautiful slumber.

Well,now I'm just gonna wait out the rest of the week.Two tests await me in school on Thursday so I'm gonna go get ready for them.

Beautiful Dreamin

For 2 nights straight,I've been dreaming about Roswell Girl.They weren't marathon dreams though.Can't remember what happened in the 1st of those dreams,except for the fact that I remember that she was in the dream.What I recall in the 2nd dream was short but it was most certainly sweet.

We were in school I think,in the computer lab to be more precise.Someone was saying somthing,teaching maybe,since we were in school but I wasn't paying attention.I walked over to behind Roswell Girl.She was sitting in a low-back executive chair.She was swivelling on the chair but just a little bit.I slipped both my hands on her waist and was pretty happy to find that it felt real though I had already sensed that it was some sort of a dream.Then she moves her hands backwards,as you would if you wanted to scratch your lower back,and clasped my arms.So,there I am,holding her waist and she's holding my arms.Then I woke up.What a beautiful dream.

Gonna leave it at that cos its a nice place to leave it and also cos I'm abit tired right now.

Slow It Down

Really hoping to get a new phone soon.It all depends on my mom.I ain't loking to a top-end priced model but I also don't want one that is too backdated.Going for Nokia this time and MP3 capability is a must.

Was hungry in school but managed to refrain from spending a single cent todayHeld on till I was home before eating my fill.I know that I got alot of stuff to buy and me spenidng money will not help.You'd probably be right by saying that not spending on food when I need it is a bit much but I didn't want to start spending my newly acquired monthly budget of $150 right on the first day.Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to spend this $150 and get a total of $300 when I get another $150 next month?

Been thinking about the MJ situation and have resolved to attempt to stop chasing her around in my head.Its not doing me and good and I wouldn't be any closer to getiing her even if I did so.Whatever happens,happens and I'm just gonna stick around and just be there if she needs me..wouldn't it be so nice if she did..

Part of the problem is that I might find it hard to disengage from her in the sense that,I might find it weird that I seem not o be interested when the fact is,I still am.Its complicated but I'm gonna try to figure it out anyway.

So Am I Still Waiting...

A friend told me a few weeks ago about and incident that traspired regarding MJ.Don't know why I ddn't post it her.There must have been alot of things swirling around in my mind at that time.

Another friend of mine who knows I like her had an online conversation with her and and told the significant part to the 2nd friend who then told it to me.The former somehow managed to steer the convo to the point where he asked about the possibility of me and her as something more.Her reply was something along the lines of 'no i'm a nice guy but she thinks of me as a friend,just like the rest of the guys in the group.'

Haven't I heard that before...the nice guy part that is...

Don't get me wrong.I'm incredibly pleased that she doesn't loathe me.But that is the 4th girl that has said that I'm a nice guy.Weird.But I'm not gonna gripe.I'm goona be thankful to God that at least I'm likeable.

There are 2 things I could do.I could give up and just forget about her.Or I could keep on trying cos I know for a fact that she doesn't know the real me..cos I always seem to clam up everytime I'm around her.As supported by my friend,I know I could be so much more engaging as a person if I get less scared and if she wants to dig deeper and find out more about me.She thinks she's got the complete picture but not quite girl,not quite.

Another friend also commented on the fact that we hardly spend anytime alone and there aren't enough opportunities for her to find out more about me.I want to go ahead and ask her what she thinks about me,like ya know,make the move..but I know that she doesn't know enough about me to give an informed answer.That same friend also told me to be patient given the circumstanses.
And so patient I shall be.