Refreshed

Typing in this post with my new laptop. More relived then anything. Though not buying through the school vendors means that I haven't got M. Office in there and will have to purchase the software.

I wish I had money so I could buy other software, just so I can make this new laptop run better.

What I did this past few weeks, up till now.

- Went for Drama Camp which was pretty aight, just like most school camps are.

- Watched "The Hulk, "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" and "Wanted", in just over 2 weeks.

- Went back to school during the break to meet up with my Psychology project group and tried to do the video for our project. Emphasis on 'tried'.

Basically been hanging out with the mates a lot. A few of them are going in NS soon, with some already in. It's gonna be a whole lot more quiet from now on.

That sucks.

Hopefully I'll hang out with my homegirl at school more, if she ain't too busy, something she always seems to be.

So that puts me nowhere.

What's next?

I think I'm going to be buried in research for the next few weeks. Projects beckon. An absolute bitch.

Oh, when I went to watch Wanted, cabbed with my sis and helped her carry some of her heavy stuff to somewhere, I went ahead to meet the mates and I ran into someone from the past, someone who I have always thought of as very nice and thought of in very pleasant (and clean) ways. I probably don't register much on that person's radar but it was still very nice to run into that person.

Yay, only school on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week.

I MEANT It When I Said Forever & After

Sometimes, I don't feel like it's all worth it. There's so much pressure.

Do I be a man, and strong and just bear the weight, or do I cut my losses and run, hoping to save what's important to me.

After all, that's all that matters to me. That's why I call them the important things.

If I just tak away all the clutter, I look into the past and realize the first reason I'm doing all this for, that special girl.

Gosh, it sounds so incredibly mushy and I want to barf but if you could excuse the mushiness, I'm dead serious. I had this whole thing going on about being in a position where I could be a contributing, productive member of society and making a living for my 'baby girl' (once again, pardon the term of endearment)

I mean, if I were to be told that being a sewage worker would be fulfiiling for me and would allow me to have a good life with that girl that I end up with, I would gladly follow that road.

These days, such is my mood that I would throw away the increasing amount of responsibilities if I could just plain simply get what I want. It's almost like selling my soul to the devil. Of course, I won't do that.

I'm missing her and I'm missing the good 'ol days. When things were more certain.Unlike now, I'm not even sure I can find what I KNOW I want.

"Like violence, you have me forever and after."

The laptop is still spoilt so updates will be rare.

Hopefully I'll get a new one soon. Hopefully HP.

Droppin By

I hardly ever post anymore.

A number of reasons but the fact that the laptop screen is only half-functional is a contributing problem as well. It's difficult to see what I'm typing.

Mentally, it's been a tumultuous time.

I've gotten so caught up chasing things in the material world and focusing on a material-centered future that I've forgotten about what really matters, namely love, compassion and faith.

Do pardon me if I sound preachy but at this point I don't really give a damn.

I've been putting on a facade of normalcy when the reality is far from it.

I shan't apologize for sounding preachy again but I am an individual that believes in God and I can only hope He believes in me as well.

I'm not done chasing dreams and goals. I guess I'd rather not focus on the material aspects and instead focus on the ideals that make me feel right when chasing these goals and dreams.

Sometimes, I find that the world can be a big, scary place.

I wish I could go back to being that 9-year old kid who liked to watch the little-known and short-lived show "Two Of A Kind". Haha, yeah I'll say it, I had a phenomenal crush on Mary Kate Olsen. Yeah, the now-anorexically-inclined one. I'm still fond of her. Just a bit.

And I feel all alone, no one by my side at all. All I have is my hope and my faith.

Hopefully it's enough.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll start making regular posts again.