Say

To be honest, I don't really have the mood to be here. But I realize this is the only place I can go to and just let go. You know, instead of keeping it all inside, which would only murder me.

For some reason, the 2nd week of the holidays have felt worse as compared to the first.

Both weeks were mind-numbingly dull in a good way, if that's possible.

But perhaps, I've had too much time to think.

There are just things running around in my mind that need to be resolved. Some things I feel need to be said and told.

I believe this is what some people call closure.

I feel like no matter how many others I talk to, the only one that can relieve me of my troubles is the intended recipient, the subject of my troubled musings.

But at this point of time, I'm not sure if that person would want to listen.

This isn't due to to some mean streak that just disregards my feelings. It's just my feeling that she's facing some other people and problems that she's gotta help out and help deal with first. Even after that, I'd think she rather deal with her own daily issues first.

I really feel I don't want to be another burden that adds to her load. So, I'll just keep my own burden to myself. Plus, I'm not she's got enough time to give a damn. There are other things that are more important in her life.

For the most part, I'm all right. Really.

It's just that some days are tougher than others but that is to be expected, isn't it?

There have been times where I've had the time and opportunity to say what I need to say but the time and environment were never right. It's the kind of thing where two parties need to sit down and one says his piece and the other party listens.

A crowded mall and is hardly the place. This isn't a piece of gossip that can be discontinued and picked up again at a later time.

At least that's what I feel about it.

I don't think that this post is a fair reflection of my general mood and demeanor. I'm just letting go of all the negative energy. I think I can still be pretty cool and not go all, emotional and all that.

But everyone has troubles, right? These are just mine. I'll carry on normally, with the troubles at the back of my mind.

Still, I'd dearly wish she'd want to listen. I just don't know if I can ask her if she wants lend her ear to another troubled friend when she already has one on her hands. That would be equivalent to dumping my troubles on her when she did not ask for

Nonetheless, you'll find me telling myself to keep my chin up.