Adventures With Friends & A Lesson Learned

Wowee..this has got to be some kind of record.It's been what,17 days since I last posted? Well,like I said,comp's screwed and I can't access Blogger at home.

Anywayssss...loads happened since the last post. Let me try and trawl through it all if you would just bear with me.

Chalet

Held at Aloha Changi Resorts(a stone's throw from the Old Changi Hospital!)

It was on from 20th (Wed) to 22nd(Fri).Had a total blast.I didn't expect it to be such fun.We played games(yes games!).I was real good at charades.Watched a couuple of movies.The 1st night,we turned in only at 6am.We had rooms but all of us ended up taking the mattresses and sleeping outside together.Guys and girls.

2nd night was a bit more relaxed but it was still pretty fun somehow.Slept at night with a couple of the guys,on a proper bed this time.Left early next morning.Had a video production meeting later.


Chalet sub-event
Importantly,there was something that went down that affected me personally.I had a chat with one of my class girls,Aini.She knows the whole story about how I like Roswell Girl.

On the first night,when Roswell Girl came for the BBQ,her 'friend' sent her.Not sure if it was a new guy or her old boy.But of course,the male ego came out,I got all green with jealousy.I avoided her for much of the night.It was like I was forcing myself to 'hate' her so that the fact that she was with some other guy wouldn't hurt so much.

During the talk with Aini,I founmd out for real that Roswell Girl does know that I have a thing for her AND she knows when I am jealous.How? Well,Aini says..she's a girl and girls know,they just do.I take it that it's just one of those things guys will never get about the opposite sex...how they just know.

Roswell Girl's asking how come this jealously thing has to get in the way of the friendship.In fact,I've said before that the friendship is the most trasured thing but yet my jealousy shows that I forgot about that.Thanks,to Aini's advice,I now know that I should remember that fact whenever I feel jealous and stop myself.

On the 2nd night,when she came again,this time to sleep over for the night,I was back to my usual self around her.This time,it was a little weird cos I now know that she knows that I like her.But the most telling gesture happened when I asked for a bite of her chocolate and she gave it towards my mouth for me to bite it off.Ya see,if she was uncomfortable with me,she wouldn't have done it that way.She would have hesitantly broken off a piece and handed it to me instead.That's what I think. Haha,later Aini said she was 'proud' of me for beiong back to my usual self.

Lol.

Another matter happened just recently.I was having a meeting for my CCA,rather informal.My teacher told us to take a break so this girl,a fellow Ex-co,Farah,went to her blog to her the song embedded inside.We forgot about it and left it there.When my teacher came back,she saw it and Farah proceeded to point out that links to other blogs were also there.The teacher saw my name and clicked it.
So there she was,at my blog and she proceeded to read the part about me not seeing Roswell Girl for 4 weeks and 6 days.

She then tried to guess who Roswell Girl was and asked Mrs Fields? (I bought Roswell Girl a tin of Mrs Fields brownies) and I had no choice but to confirm it.

Heh,sooo,now even my teacher knows.Rather she didn't of course but I'm not too panicked.She's cool enough a person.Whatever she feels about it,she won't let it out unless she sees that I'm affected enough to not do a proper job in the CCA.

Later on,I went to the Esplanade to catch the play Forbidden City:Potrait Of An Empress,with some CCA members.It was way cool.Even though we were high up in the 3rd level(1st row though) we managed to enjoy the show throughly.It was my first time attending such a prestigious play(other than the Act 3 performance this year) and I'd like to do it again. It was an of an international standard and I was great with the singing and acting and props as well.

After that,Roswell Girl's boy came to pick her up.She left pretty quick.Of course,I immediately told myself that I shouldn't allow myself to get jealous and I didn't.I just tried not to think about it so much.The juniors had left on their own somewhere and it was only 5 of the seniors left.3 wanted to go eat.Aini and I didn't feel up to it so we took a long walk to the bustop.

Again,I have to say that it was sincerely nice to talk to her.Told her about how I controlled my feelings when I saw Roswell Girl leaving with her boy.I'm proud that I didn't allow myself to feel jealous.Aini and I had another good talk about everything.It's nice to be able to get a girl's prespective on the issue.Never really had that before.Had fun with Aini,Roswell Girl and the rest during the Entro project and glad that I've grown comfortable with them.I have to give Aini credit for being a willing listening ear.

So there's the whole lot..and then some.Back next time when I can..no promises.
Hopefully a lot shorter than 17 days.

Baby I'm Addicted

Sorry bout not posting for quite a while.Been busy studying.Laptop is down with a virus and some sites can't be accessed like Blogger so it looks like a reboot is on the cards.

Bugger.

Ya know,when you're done with an examination,feelings of relief,happiness and a little stress if you thought you didn't fare too well.But mostly relief and happiness that the exams are over and done with right? I mean its pretty much the standard feeling right?

Well,never thought it would happen but I'm actually sad that the hols are rolling around.More then sad,this afternoon I was inconsolable.I was facing the prospect of 4 weeks and 6 days without Roswell Girl.

I was close to hysterics inside.Lol.

Its a bit better now.But I gotta get my mind off her or I'll be a right mess within three weeks.

The difference with these hols is that there is no MJ to distract me outside of school.It's fully Roswell Girl.And today,she left school quick after the exam.To meet a friend. 'Friend'.The paranoid side of me 'Is this a new guy that she's getting to know??' Noooooo......hence the earlier hysteria.I'd absolutely be crushed if she came back to school with the news that she was attached.

Hmmph....I'm gonna miss her bad.

I wanna tell her so bad.Real bad.I don't wanna let her slip away.I want to so bad but I don't know if I should because I'm afraid if I do that she's gonna freak out and back away.

But I don't wanna lose her.I really x4 want her...

Wow,that sounds desperate and creepy.Officially,I'm suffering from Roswell Girl withdrawal symptoms.

You Reap What You Sow

Wow it's been a really crazy past couple of days with a couple more to go before its all done. Part of it is.

By Tuesday I finished of the PIE project.On Wednesday night I had my last CCA meeting for the semester.I didn't sleep through Wednesday night.I studied a chapter or two for my Office Administration and finished typing up reports for the Entrepreneurship module.I went to school after that.

Managed to get some shut eye for an hour in the CCA room after 26 hours without sleep.Woke up and waited for my turn on the laptop to finish up my part of the Entro report.The girls then went out to get the prototype.They came back and they spent the rest of the night trying to fix the niggly problems with the thing.We left school at 930 and spent an hour and a half working on it at the Macs outside school.Went off at 11.Took a cab home.Crashed into bed.

Next day,woke up at 630.Took a cab to school.Had to do morning test shots for the video production.

At 815,went into CCA room,that we borrowed,to make final preparations for the Entro presentation.

Presentation time,we had to rush through it.Our class overran our alloted time and we were forced to cut it short! No worries though,we have a cool teacher who said that in no way our marks were gonna be affected.She even said that we performed under pressure,with an agitated class outside waiting for us.So the rest of the presentation was done using the teacher's laptop outside the staff room.

We did it and got it over with.When one of us went in to help the teacher carry stuff back in,it was revealed to us through her that we had scored a high 'A' for our project.Still moderation against other projects to worry about but it would be likely that we would still get an AAas the final grade because of the competency and throughness of our project.

=)
=)
=)

Won't believe it till I see it though.

But it'll work for now.

Later on in the day,finished off my 2nd elective Thinking Skills with an inpromptu presentation(a roleplay) Due to some misunderstanding my group had presented without me and another member on Wednesday,when I wasn't in school.

All that's left for me now,on my once-hefty list this semester is my Office Administration exam.Revisions not going to plan.Fell sick after the stress from days leading up to Friday's big day.I have not covered as much as I had planned to.

I must force myself to finish off one chapter today before I go to sleep.

More some other time about the people involved in the Entro project.

I just had the sudden urge to talk to one of them,Roswell Girl,just now and I just came up with some excuse about the examination room,even when I actually already knew where it was.

Hehe...

It was so nice to hear that sweet voice of hers..sigh...ahhh..

=)

It's been a tiring week but one of the most rewarding times.It could be even more if I do work for the exam.

Ahh,sweet,sweet voice.How enchanting.

Calm & Articulate Now

Right.

Perhaps the last post was a tad too dramatic.I tend to do that .But the point still stands.If she found out and as a result,withdrew herself,away from me,I wouldn't like that at all.

I fancy her yes.But I'd put the friendship in higher value so I choose not to screw up and ruin it all.Her walking away is the last thing I want to happen.

If she ever reads my blog,I hope she knows the true story.

That I do fancy her,I wish for something more.But it's dangerous to wish cos I'm afraid I may lose her as a friend if I try anything.So I keep quiet and remain the loyal friend.That I didn't mean to fall for her.I tried to fight it but it was a futile effort.

I went to her house yesterday.To do the Entro project.Got back late.Since the begonning of the week I've been trying to put some rational thoughts against those fantastical thoughts I have during the weekend.I guess this is it.It's a little reminder of the danger I'm putting the friendship in by playing this game.

There,now that's a bit better than yesterday's incoherent,rambling post wasn't it?

My Side My Fear

Oh I have put myself in a precarious position once again.

No fault but mine.I set myself up for it.Ever since the day I fell for her,despite struggling,not to fall in.Ever since I got lost in her big,doe eyes and her lovely face.

Oh fool! Weep for thou heart is lame!

Why did I fall for her????

ALL THAT DOES NOW IS THAT SETS ME UP TO LOSE A FRIEND.

SOMEONE THAT WAS WILLING TO BEFRIEND ME WITH ALL OF HER SINCEREITY.

IF SHE EVER FINDS OUT,IF SHE EVER READS THIS BLOG AND FIGURES IT OUT...

=(

MY GREATEST FEAR

Is to lose her.Is to see her walk away from me with a creeped out look from her face.

If any of my friends who knows my story.If ever the need be.

Tell her this.Tell her the last thing I wanted is to lose her.I never deceived her.I offer my friendship from the bottom of my heart.I know that she'll never look at me that way that I want her to.That special way.Even if I wish it so.So I kept it inside.She should never think that anything I did for her was less than sincere and was only cos I liked her.It's because that's just not true,that's why.

I feel so afraid.

I feel stupid for falling in love with her,how could a guy like me ever hope to get a girl like her?? She's just as unattainable,just as MJ was.

I'm not feeling down or anything.Just a tad more realistic.Maybe cos I still see Roswell Girl as a friend.

I just suddenly thought,'what if she finds out?how would she react?'

I just want people who know my story to tell it if I can't.Cos by that time,she finishes freaking out,she'll be walking away from me.

So people who know,help me to tell my story if the need arises.Maybe not now.Maybe in the future.Maybe not at all.Just in case.

Tis A Vicious Cycle

Everytime I'm missing Roswell Girl bad,I inadvertedly push her higher up on a pedestal,with the only end result with me being hurled back down to earth whenever I witness the truth;by sight or sound,first hand or through her own mouth.The truth that I apparently find convenient to forget.

She's still connected with her boy in some weird way.Her galpals tell me that they're just friends but c'mon guys lets be serious here.A look at them together and ya just know that she still fancies him.

Maybe Monday will come and it will happen.I will be sent hurtling to the dirt.One look at her and I will remember that hurtful fact.Then,I will be doing my best to put on a brave face and force my way out but also knowing that it is pointless to fight the feeling.I will gravitate back towards her.She's got me on puppet strings.

As weird as it sounds,I don't wanna like her cos she's cute.I wanna like her cos I like her.I like her cos she's a great friend and that's a great start indeed.You see,I don't wanna go back and find that the only reason I like her is cos she's cute.I want substance to be in the reasons why I like her.

We're friends.But we could be better friends still.I feel that there is still some parts of her life that she keeps from me.While that is very understandable,it also shows that I'm not close enough to her in her circle for her to want me.It's always me wanting her.It's never her looking for me.Speaking for us as friends of course.She's never needed my help or looked to me for advice.Maybe it's cos I'm a guy but gender shouldn't really be an issue.It just shows that she not that comfortable coming to me and confiding in me.To be honest,I don't really like that.

Whenever she does confide in me,I truly do feel like a friend and I put aside all my feelings for her cos they wouldn't be of any help.I stay and listen to what she has to say.That's the time when I really feel glad that I'm helping her,even though only as a friend.

Anyways,tomorrow's another day.I wonder what the next week holds in store for me with regards to Roswell Girl.Probably just gonna set myself up to get hurt with all this wishful thinking over this long weekend.

Complete and utter lunacy.I like her even though I know it's bad for me and bad for us as friends.

I know this won't work but I'd just like to ask God for something majorly positive to happen between me and her.But hey,I know God doesn't work that way.He only rewards the good people.

I certainly don't feel like I've done enough to deserve that.Especially not something as nice as Roswell Girl.

But who knows what the future holds.Only God.

Wasting My Time On You

Back from my free day.It's Teachers' Day so it's a day off from school.

Spent most of my day with my mind on Roswell Girl.

I shouldn't be,really.After all,she is just a friend.Truly,even if I want something more.At the same time,she is nothing more and I should be thinking of her along those lines and ONLY along those lines.

The problem is that I often let it develop into something more in my head.

So I spent the whole day thinking about her and about how at the same time she's not thinking about me and wishing that she did.

A fruitless day and a day wasted.

Hopefully the night will be more productive.I plan to get in a few hours of studying.A chapter or even two.It will go a long way in terms of progressing with my revision I should be doing for my exams.

Which by the way is on 13 September.Not that much time left.