Tis A Vicious Cycle

Everytime I'm missing Roswell Girl bad,I inadvertedly push her higher up on a pedestal,with the only end result with me being hurled back down to earth whenever I witness the truth;by sight or sound,first hand or through her own mouth.The truth that I apparently find convenient to forget.

She's still connected with her boy in some weird way.Her galpals tell me that they're just friends but c'mon guys lets be serious here.A look at them together and ya just know that she still fancies him.

Maybe Monday will come and it will happen.I will be sent hurtling to the dirt.One look at her and I will remember that hurtful fact.Then,I will be doing my best to put on a brave face and force my way out but also knowing that it is pointless to fight the feeling.I will gravitate back towards her.She's got me on puppet strings.

As weird as it sounds,I don't wanna like her cos she's cute.I wanna like her cos I like her.I like her cos she's a great friend and that's a great start indeed.You see,I don't wanna go back and find that the only reason I like her is cos she's cute.I want substance to be in the reasons why I like her.

We're friends.But we could be better friends still.I feel that there is still some parts of her life that she keeps from me.While that is very understandable,it also shows that I'm not close enough to her in her circle for her to want me.It's always me wanting her.It's never her looking for me.Speaking for us as friends of course.She's never needed my help or looked to me for advice.Maybe it's cos I'm a guy but gender shouldn't really be an issue.It just shows that she not that comfortable coming to me and confiding in me.To be honest,I don't really like that.

Whenever she does confide in me,I truly do feel like a friend and I put aside all my feelings for her cos they wouldn't be of any help.I stay and listen to what she has to say.That's the time when I really feel glad that I'm helping her,even though only as a friend.

Anyways,tomorrow's another day.I wonder what the next week holds in store for me with regards to Roswell Girl.Probably just gonna set myself up to get hurt with all this wishful thinking over this long weekend.

Complete and utter lunacy.I like her even though I know it's bad for me and bad for us as friends.

I know this won't work but I'd just like to ask God for something majorly positive to happen between me and her.But hey,I know God doesn't work that way.He only rewards the good people.

I certainly don't feel like I've done enough to deserve that.Especially not something as nice as Roswell Girl.

But who knows what the future holds.Only God.