Where Is This All Going?

Skipped school today.It was just one of those days where I didn't feel right.

Roswell Girl missed a step down a flight of stairs while in school yesterday and sprained her ankle.Now she's out of commission for 2 days.Today and tomorrow.That means that I won't see her till Monday.When she comes back on Friday,I'll be on approved leave the whole day for the national competition.Then there's the weekend to endure before Monday comes round again.

The national competition is on Friday.Hopefully we don't make it through to the finals.If I put things into prespective,I came thru this school to get to polytechnic.And this competition has done more than its fair share of impeding that goal.It may sound cold and selfish but that's the way I see it.

It ends on Friday so as things stand I'll be free for this weekend.

I was just walking with my CCA friend one of these past days and I suddenly I realised that I really missed hanging out with my usual friends.These guys from my CCA are great but there had to be a balance.One that wasn't there.Presumably,I could spend more time with my old mates if the competiton wasn't around.

I feel like I've abandoned them somehow and I don't feel good about it.I think they don't feel it much cos they're still in a group and one man down doesn't make much impact.But its the things I used to that I don't do anymore which I really missed.I know sacrifices have been made for the sake of the competition but today I just really missed the past.

I'm sitting here missing Roswell Girl and fully aware that there is nothing of that sort on her end.

What torments me is asking myself how much of that playful taunting,veiled comments and and quiet smiles from friends and even Roswell Girl herself is real.Am I on to something here or is it all a painted fabrication? A pretty picture on a hollow frame.

There are times when I feel like I need to tell somebody about all this but when it comes down to it I can't find the right words.I need to know what's going on with her.What am I doing here.Does she want it? Is it all in my head?

Somebody tell me...

Its sorta different from missing MJ cos I know when I'll see Roswell Girl again.

Somehow,even at this point,I'm still looking at her as a friend.Simply because I know that that was what I saw her as first.Things may never happen but like I said I'll just be a friend if that's all I am in the end.

Oh,never thought I wanted Monday to come round as fast as this.

=(