This Beautiful Ride's Gonna Hurt

Would I like it if MJ and I were meant to be together? I would no doubt.But she's not exactly receptive.I have said,in the future,if things do happen,you won't find a happier guy than me but the reality is now and for now,things aren't happening.

These past days I've been reflecting on what my CCA mate said.Remember she said,I have to be strong if I were to do my absolute best to stay close friends with Roswell Girl.For I would see her being with other guys,guys attracted to her and perhaps more hurtingly,guys she's attracted to as well.

Now recently I find myself reminding myself of this fact when I'm around her.Only just yesterday,while I was sitting with her druing a break with our friends.Our legs came into contact(one of each) because there wasn't much leg room at the table.I could have pulled away and sat with legs together but that would mean that I would have been sitting awkwardly.The contact between us was platonic and accidental but I found myself wondering how wonderful it would be if there was anything in there that was desired,done on purpose.

Then I had to painfully remind myself,till any clear indication from her,me and her are just friends.

If I could sidetrack,for a while for clarification's sake,what's the difference between this and MJ? Well,for one,Roswell Girl and I are actually friends that interact with each other at least often enough.

Like I was saying,the reminder was painful but it was equally painful to sit there and do what I did,stealing glances at her,trying to picture her with some other guy and then cringe within to find out how much dislike I felt inside.

I wanted to be with her yes.But does she even wanna be with me? That's a whole different story.But I'm thankful that I'm still within close proximity and I hope to be in her life,in the picture,for a very long time to come.If that's the case then I have to be prepared to hurt.

The difference with MJ is that she was never in my life enough for it to hurt.This hurt I'll see again.I wanna when time comes for us to part ways in school.I hope my path converges with hers.

Oh God it's so easy to sit her and talk about being thankful to at least be friends but nothing more but its sucks to think that it could be nothing more.Beneath all that cuteness,there is also an aura of untouchability that comes with that cuteness.

I'm just the poor sap that she was kind enough to befriend.Rather than wallow in self-depreciation however,I shall say that I am what I am and all I'll do is be befriend her back and do my best in hope of something more.If you notice,ever since I've wrote about her here in this blog,I've been saying how great a gal she is.

So,it would a surprise that I would find her great enough that I would be enamoured and taken by her charm? That I would not admire her,even as a friend?

Of course not.