Train Of (Good) Thought(s)

So on Monday after the CCA meeting in the morning,I went off.I headed off to town to HMV,just to check out CDs and see if they had any cool posters.But I also went there with another underlying agenda.I knew that Roswell Girl was in the vicinity,she had gained a temp job somewhere.So after checking out HMV and finding a really cool Coldplay tee which was way overpriced yet somehow worth it,I headed down to her workplace.

As I was coming down the escalator,I pretended not to look in the shop's direction to make it look like I abruptly noticed her.Did that,waved and then walked off without talking to her.At first I was afraid that I accidently jacked her cos she may have wanted to talk to me but I made it weird cos I immediately had turned away and walked off.
Then,the horrifiying realisation came to me.

Oh,God! What did I just do? Did I really do it? Yes,I came all the way from school to the town area,knowing full well that she would be there,irregardless of the HMV factor.I went all the way just so that I could get a glimpse of her !

That was the kind of stupid thing I would reserve for MJ.The fact that I did this for Roswell Girl showed a change.This showed something new.Some sort of a shift of focus from MJ to Roswell Girl.

ARRGHH ! I don't want thaaaatt...or do I? Its just like fast food.You know that it won't bring any good to you yet you still eat it.I know that doing something like this won't help the focus on MJ,yet I still did it.

Simple reasons why? Probably because of the ever-present Roswell Girl seems better when compared to the virtually non-existent MJ.

I knew I still wanted MJ.But thoughts of Roswell Girl played with my head.The question of whether she would even be my girl was secondary.At this point I needed to know where I stood before anything else.But the ground was clouded with smoke and I couldn't even see it.

But smoke can be cleared up today.It could be by deep brooding,a sudden flash of inspiration,it could be anything.Today the words of an unknown made things better for me. It said that I should stay true to my,and I quote,true love.That I should never ever ever give up on her.

That got me thinking.

Heck,right now,as things stand,she's far from my true love.And I've been after her for more than a year.If logic was to step in,I sshould have been over her a long time ago.

Right.

Then again,if I dared to dream and if I was a fool to believe that dreams come true,then perhaps I could believe that she was indeed,true love.

Haha.

But something she said stuck.True love......

Why did I like her in the first place? Why am I still fighting to love her still now? For surely at some early stage I believed that she could possibly be my true love.And since when has love,or infatutation if you will for that what it surely is now,demanded logic? I started thinking and I found that I loved the feeling that I had when I thought that she could be something special.I remember it.And I want it back.And I want to hold on to it.

I want to hold on to it.

Sometimes,perhaps cos I watch too much TV,too many movies,I'd like to liken a life situation to one.If this was the movies,then it would be MJ,that was the veiled person behind the comments.Lol....its not though,I know,just kidding.I do have a hyperactive imagination.But wouldn't it be cool if it really was her though?

Haha.Just like the movies.Lol.Man I sound crappy sometimes...

Anyways,today a reminder came and inspired me and eventually made me remember how I was emotionally when I liked her at the start.Not her physical looks or anything like that.But I'm talking about the quite lovely,some people say deluded feelings that I went through when I started liking her.I liked those feelings.I want them back.Those same feelings that told me that she could be my true love.That would never give up on her.That she was gonna be worth all the trouble.

It will be hard.But whoever said it was easy?

Today,inspiration came.