She's Coming ?? Oh..Ah..Erm..

Early hours of Tuesday.I have to go to school later.First day of rehearsal for the orientation.Performance on the 3rd of May,2nd day of the orientation for the new batch.I would also have to probably deal with the national level project.I don't mind the skit rehearsal but the project does seem to stretch the workload a bit.A little stressful but I guess that's another pitfall that comes with being in a CCA.I'll deal with it but hopefully it will not be so lengthy in terms of duration.Hopefully it will end by 3pm the latest.

At least today bore some fruit.Didn't do much.Just hung about under MJ's block and kinda waited for her to come back home from school for a 'sighting'.It was just me and a mate.MJ's bro came down not long after.When MJ did come I was kinda caught off guard but I still managed a good wave back when she waved.Said nothing,couldn't...

Trying hard to describe how she looks...but can't .To just say that she looks 'good' doesn't seem to do it justice.Anyways,she waved after a chirpy 'hi' and I was left fluttering,nervous,the way I always am when I'm around her.I'm fine around other girls like my classmates,even Roswell Girl.SHE'S THE ONLY ONE that leaves me grasping for words and composure when she's around.

She's made by day,just by walking past.Last time I said I just wanted to just be able see her and I did.So that is good thing.

I was just thinking today...its okay if MJ doesn't fancy me right? I mean,why would she? She shouldn't cos she deserves a guy who looks good and knows what it takes to be a good boyfriend.I don't look good,they have been given by God and it is not place to be displeased.I know nuts about relationships and I'm not even sure that she's even looking for one.

I like her,she deserves the best and all I can do is try my best,even if it is only as a close friend.Am I good enough for her?????

I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not.C'mon,its not like I'm a prime physical specimen.But like in all aspects of my life.I would give it my best shot,especially if its something I believe in.Remember,all those dreams i'm trying to reach,a partner for those dreams would be nice to have and that same person helps in my determination.
I'm not saying that it should automatically make things better and give me a chance with MJ...

I'm gonna give what I have and maybe that will be good enough for her.If not,then perhaps it wasn't meant to be.If it wasn't,that doesn't stop me from liking her.I'll move on but if she needs me I'll always be there.

Maybe I'm saying all this incomprehensible crap cos I'm feeling a bit down.Blame it on all the times I get made fun of.I used to get bullied when I was younger but I believe that all that has made me stronger and perhaps given me a bit more tenacity and determination in the face of adversity.Adversity that seems to be in the MJ situation as well.

Its alot tougher these things.They make it look much simpler in the movies.But sometimes I don't know whether what I'm thinking or saying is right or wrong.When in times of self-doubt,maybe I should look at the progress or accomplishments I've made with MJ.

I guess I'm jummping the gun again.I tend to do that alot.How bout I just concentrate on getting to her and talking more to her.Thinking about it,I don't know much about her...neither does she know much about me.So we should get to know more about each other,right?

Right..that's it I guess.

When I told a mate that she said thru her bro that she just wanted to be friends.I didn't expect him to be so positive.He said that it showed that she has thought about me and she perhaps want to wait to find out more about me.See if I'm the real deal.That's the glass half-full view.Well,girl I got news for ya.I'm in it for the long run.

What's th negative view? Oh that's her saying that she wants to be friends and nothing more and me getting bummed out by that.Maybe I should but I dare not jump the gun again.Call me foolishly stubborn or stubbornly foolish,take your pick.But I think its due to also the tenacity and determination I was talking about earlier.

It was nice to see MJ today.Nice to see ya babe.Wish it could be more but...see ya around close friend.

Note: I realise that this post may seem confusing,messy and a little hard to catch at parts and I apologise but maybe its cos I'm writing from my emotions and it is be a little hard to use words to exactly capture what I mean to say.So its not really well thought out stuff.