The Skeptic Genes Come Out To Play

Where does self-belief stop and self-delusion begin?

At which point does your confidence start to ebb away and you start questioning for doing what you do.

"Is it worth doing all this? Is it worth fighting the improbable?"

Sometimes, it seems like all I'm doing is struggling in futility in an attempt to reach the top. But in reality, all I'm doing is falling further down the ladder and/or confirming that I fit snugly into my lowly position that I am at now.

It happens with every failure or 'near-but-not-quite-enough' success.

There are times when I feel like I'm meant for something bigger but the realist in me might try to dissuade me from reaching too far, fearing that the fall far down might be too much for me to take.

This 2nd side supplements its argument by saying that all my dreams and ambitions are just fantasies that are the product of an imaginative mind.

Maybe some are. But I know that deep down inside that some aren't. I can actually achieve some of these things.

Yes, the world is tough. It's a hard knock life for everybody.

But when was the last time you detached from reality and paid some attention to your dreams and ambitions? The same dreams and ambitions that you stored away somewhere because there was no space for these things in the real world.

Me, an idealist? Too much of an idealist? Probably.

But I'm a too much of a damn fool to listen to reality.

This reality tries time and again to tell me and show me that I'm inadequate in numerous ways.

Still, I press on, more than often due to idiocy than determination.

Still, there are times, like right now, where I actually realize it and can't help but doubt myself.

As I go doubting, "Can I really do it?"...

Does she doubt me the same way too? Are my various shortcomings entrenched deep in her mind to form a certain picture of me?