What It's Worth To Me

Prologue: Elyra,you don't need to read.Everything I want to write for this post I already told you.Lol.

Today was phototaking day.

So I'm supposed to get these photos and keep them as moments of the past,captured.

I will.

Remember about how things were,that's what I'll do.

How are they now?

Just thought about how things are between Roswell Girl & I right now.We're good right now I think.But they way we left things,it wasn't right I feel.

There is still so much I want to tell her.

About how I feel even now,that she's drifted away after telling me she doesn't want us to do that and wanted us to be friends.(Does she even realise this?)

I want to tell her that I wish for her all the best with her and her new guy.May he love her the way she deserves to be loved.

I want to save what ever remains of our friendship,whatever that has survived.

I guess what I want is closure.Things are left hanging between us.After the exchange of letters and the talk.I feel that what we talked about didn't really happen.

I'm fine now.I really am.

But.

My birthday card from her still stands atop my television.I still see her letter placed on the shelf behind my bed.It reminds me of her.And if I just leave them be,I feel that those things are gonna be the only things that I have left to remember her by.

I would also be reminded that I couldn't control my feelings and I lost a friend cos of that.I still wonder if I hadn't made it so obvious that I was trying,whether we would still be as close as before.

Closure.I don't know how to explain here.

I can't ask for more from Roswell Girl.She has her guy now and I can't ask her why we're not as close as before.

But what I can do is tell her how I feel about all this and wish her,from the bottom of my heart,all the best for the future.

But like what I told Elyra,this can go 2 ways.It'll be great if I did it and things go well.But if Roswell Girl takes offence and gets mad,then that will be surely the final nail in the poverbial coffin.

I am in quite a quandry as with what to do here.

Last time I tried talking things out(ie:the letter) she ended up going further away.If I do something of similar nature,I may end up losing her forever.

But I still want to try.If I succee then I know I cleared up the air and banished any lingering doubts.

So what should I do?

She may not care.Honestly,she doesn't need to care.But I am hoping against hope.That she will listen.

What I know is that I need closure.I owe it to the friendship I had once.I consider it a significant one.Even if she may not.