What I Keep Telling Myself

I have so much to be thankful for today.

Yes,I did perform in public for the first time in my life,with such a major role.But behind it all,lay a plethora of reasons and incidents that all fell into place that makes me thank God.

I still remember when I was looking for a CCA and I had to join this current one simply because it was the closest to my interests,even then it didn't really match because I would be required to have a sense of daring,something I was pretty sure I didn't have at that point in my life.

But slowly,without realising,I was shaped and moulded(more like conned!) to be ready to act in a role.Along the journey,I learned to find my voice to express the thoughts in my head and not be afraid to arrange them articulately to people.Not just friends but people I just met as well.

And so today,it came to the point where I was only barely nervous about being on stage.I just went out and did what I was told to do,no fuss.It was no disrespect to the task at hand.Rather,I had psysched myself in a way that it seemed just like another day in the drama club.I had one or two seconds of doubt but they dissipated with one or two deep breaths.

I want to say thanks to the teachers and my friends at the CCA for allowing me to express what I had cooped up inside all these years,so fast and furious,somtimes incoherently,haha.

Especially Mdm Salina for believing I had something beneath the reluctant exterior and for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself.

As for the project and performance,I have to say that it was undoubtedly the smoothest and well-run events that I have been involved in.The propmasters were on the ball and the cast hardly fluffed a line.The mic's were good.But mine was a head mic so I had to be silent all the time.That didn't work out always,when I was backstage.A few gaffes there.

I saw a scene,from afar,at the debrief where everyone was gathered,joking and goofing off.I got kind of sad cos I knew that in a couple of months,this picture would no longer be present in my life,if and when I make it to polytechnic.

I'll probably be proven wrong but the preception I have of polytechnic is that it is a inpersonal and unfeeling place.

I promised myself that I wouldn't include it but I will have to thank Roswell Girl as well.ITE has a lot of good memories for me.When I came to ITE,I thought it well-described my life then.It seemed like I was headed nowhere.But I knew that if I played it right,the only way I could go from there was up.So I did.

If I was lifted then,Roswell Girl has to be the wings that lifted me up.She made school such a joy.She made me have confidence to try again,back at a time when I thought about not being bothered anymore.

So thanks,lil' lady..

I want you to be happy,I love to see you smile so...

I'm happy as long as you are.Just gotta keep saying that to myself.

And I'm sure you are right now.

And like I said,I have a lot to be thankful for right now.

So,it's all good.