Lost In You Still As I Prepare To Lose You

It's just one of those days.

I remember at its zenith,I was actually dismayed that the school vacation had come round.For 4 weeks I held out.By the 5th week,I was a wreck.Just ask Taufiq,I sure told him so.

And now I just have 3 weeks left.3 weeks in which I have to enjoy remembering and reminiscing about herrrr..........=(

Yeah,we might end up at the same poly and maybe even the same course but it just isn't the same thing.

Yes,I am trying to forget about the way I felt about her.I don't need to remember how it was to be friends because no matter what happens,she will always be,at the very least,my friend.

But the feelings are stubborn,they want to stay.This is why I feel the way I'm feeling on days like this.

It's 5 days without her.It's been as long as 5 weeks before.In 3 weeks time,it will be 5 months and beyond.

I hope against this but I have a feeling that by no fault of either party,we'll both drift apart when we get to polytechnic and save for the mandatory 'wave-and-smile-when we pass-by-each-other',or perhaps the odd empty conversation when we have the time,we certainly won't be as chummy with each other as I hoped for us to be.

When I see her around,it would just remind me of how close we used to be.How she would come and talk to me when she was down.A thing of the past.

She wrote that she wanted a friend.A close one.Well,so do I."

"Oh circumstance,how could you be so cruel with regards to someone I hold so dear?"

Yes,I hold her dear.Not as bold as before for she has someone else now.But as a friend that I once could not help but have feelings for and become rather fond of.

I will do what I can to prevent this,even if I am just one man against fate.But if she wants it so,then there is nothing even I,can do/

When it became clear to me back then that I was quite fond of her,my immediate and greatest fear was that I would end up losing her the closer i tried to get.

Well,over the next few weeks,there will be an inexorable move towards this unwanted reality bearing fruit.

Then,I will start losing her for sure.If I haven't already.

We drifted apart once and it hurt.I don't want it to happen again.

I told you,today's just one of those days.

That I feel like crap.

That I miss her.

Even when I know I shouldn't.

But I still do.