Always Wishing You Were Here; I Know Better

I was in class that day when Roswell Giel's new boy called her.Hearing the way she spoke to him,I got clouded and jealous.I later came to senses and just said to myself that I shouldn't have felt that way.In no way is it Roswell Girl's fault that I fell for her.I need to make that clear.

Yes,I do wish that it was me instead of the other guy but really,sometimes I have to accept reality.I have my own reasons that makes me know why she would never see me the way I want her to.

These reasons are the brutal truth and I cannot hide from them.All I can do is move on.

Roswell Girl has a new guy.MJ has yet another admirer.Sigh.I wish them both well.In the past I would have raised my hands in despair and surrendered to life but this time,I'm moving on instead of brooding.I will reflect and feel moments of sadness no doubt but I will press on in life cos I have things I need to do.

Does it mean I'm giving up on them? Well,not exactly.I'll still be very happy if either suddenly decides to plant a kiss of kindness my way.I'd always be there if they ever needed me.I'd still hold my door open.I would still try.Maybe just not as hard as before.

God,I really hate it that I use the phrase 'either of them'.It shows that I don't really fully love either and can make do with either one.NO ! That is not what I want.I would very much rather be able to say just one girl's name.Its what they do to me,both of them that has gotten me confused.God,I now know how Archie Andrews feels about Betty & Veronica at times.

In some sense,I do feel that MJ would be the one that I prefer simply because I said I fancied first and it is a matter of loyalty but it is super complicated.More so than Roswell Girl.But Roswell Girl has her own charms that make her own complications.

Don't see me as a shallow person that just wants someone for that sake.I'd rather live and die alone than be seen as that.Honest.I'm the kind of guy that if he wants a girl and wishes for that gal to like him back just as well.In return,I would do by best to keep that going,with many mistakes made along the way.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.Sorrows more than joys perhaps but I tell you,if the joys outweigh the sorrow in terms of value,it would be worth it.Depends on how God decides to play with my life.I don't feel blessed yet there are many things that I am thankful for.

I wish them well in both in love and life.I'd just be a friend to them.If that is deemed my fate then I'd do my part to be the one of the best.Maybe not be their best friends but certainly doing whatever I can whenever I'm called on as a friend.