The Likely Truth Hurts So

It may sound unbelieveably weird but I am feeling a little down. I don't know why,especially after a day where I managed to cover the remainder of my Public Relations book and I even managed to chat a little to MJ.

I guess it was the worry wart in me that just started thinking after the chat.About the cloud that I had allowed to descend on me.How now,I actually thought that I had more of a chance with her...

Just because I talk to her doesn't mean I have more of a chance.Its all in my head.She probably thinks of me normally.I have to reassess my priorities.

Do I like her? Would I really be okay with leaving us as friends and not trying to chase anything more than that? I do like her...but I was just thinking that I would probably have to accept the fact that the chances of me getting her are very slim.I seem t have conveniently forgotten that when she started talking to me more.

I wonder if she knows that I like her? I think she does but thankfully she still bothers with me and talks to me instead of ignoring me.If she does know and if I let my feelings known in the future,would it be rejected and ruin all the recent good progress I made?That's the infuriating part.

Things are friendly enough between us and I start having this idea that if I tell her when things are even better,she would respond positively.But I am also wary these may just be fantasies in my head and me telling her would actually ruin all the good progress I've recently made.I don't know what I should be thinking.

Right now,all I am doing is trying to talk to her as much as possible,trying to get closer to her.I want her to be able to talk to me if she needs to,I want her to see me as someone that is approachable if she needs anything.I really do...This has been my goal from the start.

It hurts but if we are close friends then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much in some ways(but it will in other ways) cos I realise the fact is that she'll probably fall in love with someone else and not me and I'm just trying to remind myself of this and not be led about like a love-struck fool.And I'm wondering whether I should even try cos if whatever I try fails then it may even cause us not to even friends cos things may become awkward between us and obviously I don't want that.

I gotta go sort myself out.......