The Choices That We Make

Can anyone feel abysmal? I don't think its the right word to use but somehow it just feels sorta right.Brings back memories of Joey trying so hard to use the partcular word in an episode of Friends.Funny stuff that.

MJ came down on Tuesday with a gal pal of hers.Played soccer.Stunk.I was pretty bad or at least more than usual.Yeah,sure,I make all the good saves when she's not even there.But I klutz up when she's the opposing goalie.Execllente.I'm sure she'll be real impressed.

Why do I always screw up in front of her ?I guess I just feel pressured.And,I think I pushed one of her friends a little(a lil nudge nothing major) without realising it till later.Its only right for me to apologise even if it is rather belated.

I don't know why I act so different around MJ.Well I do now actually after talking i over with me mates but its a wonder,the way I act around MJ is not the same as compared to the Malay gals in my class.The latest they've complimented me on is about how patient I am(they do test) and how the gal I get is lucky that way. Given a choice,I'd rather

Then how come I act so different when I'm around MJ?If a mate makes fun of her, I have 3 options.1) Defend her,2) Show support to my mate for the joke and 3) Keep quiet and not say anything.

If I do 1),she'll think that something's up and that I'm trying to suck up to her or something.If I do 2),then she may get angry with me and if I do 3),she won't even notice me and then not talk to me at all.Hence,this is my dilemma.

I never know what to do or say around her and I just screw up.That's all I seem to do around her.If I've ever done anything wrong without realising it I certainly would like to have the chance to apologise.Not sure how I'm gonna get a chance to do that.Don't think she cares that much about me,even as a friend.She doesn't seem to want to act like one around me,choosing to ignore me or not talk alot to me.

Please,I beg the fates to be kind to me.To save me from saying anything stupid and for her to be cool enough to talk to me and make it easy for me.