I Used To Believe

How I really wish I could run away.Take a breather.

Early on in ITE,I needed pick-me-ups to get me through.A day out with friends,a really good weekend,some really good news coming my way,stuff that made me smile stuff like that.But as it went on,I got so busy and so used to it that I didn't think about needing all that anymore.I numbed myself to it.

But now,things have slowed considerably and with a bit more space in my mind,I start to wonder about the pick-me-ups again and how I could really use one right now.

A booster shot,to tell me that I'm doing all right.That's what I mean when I say 'I wish I could run away'.

Ahh,after yesterday's show,I realised....

If anyone wanted to take me away for a moment,away from all the pressure.All they would need to do is to take me to a quiet place on a night with a clear sky,with a good spread of food and just having Michael Buble songs playing over the air.

Bliss.

I'm sure adapting to polytechnic or any new environment is hard for anyone and probably everyone.

I've had to deal with that and also I've had to tear myself away emotionally from a couple of things,places and people.

I'm fine flying solo.It's just that these other factors are making it harder for me.

I've even had to question a few of my ideals.I am,if nothing else,an IDEALISTIC FOOL,with my views on life and love.

My close friends know about me and Rome (my special place to visit with that special someone)

But recently,I said to myself,that it was useless in believing in that.

Dancing to Michael Buble's Dream A Little Dream Of Me on a moonlit beach(with that same person).Another fantasy I dismissed.

By the way,I haven't met that someone yet (probably).

I'm not so pessimistic now.But as of a few weeks ago,that's what I thought.

But I'm still negative.I still believe they are not gonna happen.Cos a couple of things have happened to make me not believe anymore.

Not like I used to.

I just don't think I'm that blessed.To even find that someone.Not that I desperately need one.

Some in today's society hook up cos they just need to.I'd rather not.I'd rather be alone if I don't find the right one.

Aside from the fact that this is the way I am,the way I think,feel,people may still ask why I think about such little insignificant things like dancing on the beach to a jazz song,thinking about going to Rome.

Cos these are the things that keep me sane in a crazy world.

Yeah,so all that's been in my head the past few weeks.On top of school.

I got into the 2nd round for PaceSetters.

Some small measure of comfort.

Interview round on Friday night.My first ever interview.

I need to be 'taken away'.Since I'm all by myself...

Just plug in Buble's Call Me Irresponsible and chill.

I'll do it myself.