Doing Wrong To Do Right

Still up doing an online quiz.For class.

The only reason I'm doing it cos I still have not received bloody confirmation that I'm exempted from CSA (Computer Systems Applications); AOA in disguise.

It'd better come soon.All I need is that dumb letter.This module is no longer reflected in my online timetable and also my module records but I just that damn hardcopy,to ascertain my exemption.

Meanwhile,I've been skipping the lecture.Skipping tomorrow's tutorial as well.It's bad but it's for a soon-to-be redundant module so...

And I have to attend a feedback session with the CP.Which is fine by me but it's at 11am! I was planning to come at 2!

It's gonna take a short while so I will be stuck for 3 hours with nothing to do.

Absolute bugger!

Will probably be mugging.Not for 3 hours though.I'd be braindead by the time the next tutorial comes round at 3.

And today,after class,I did something that was so against my nature but at that time I forced myself to do it..it was nothing big,but as they say,actions speak louder than words.

I knew you were coming but I turned away.

You called out but I did not respond.I pretended to be on the phone.I wasn't.

I thought that if I ignored you,it would help me to forget you.

I try to forget cos I have to,cos you've obviously moved on.Not that there was anything there in the first place.

Basically,I have to move on from you.

It was a stupid move on my part but I'm sure,like so many of my actions in the past,it didn't not affect you at all.

I wonder if you even noticed what I tried to do.Probably not.

But if you did notice it today,then I'm telling you that it was cos I was trying to forget you.Still,it was no reason to act the way I did.

I'm not like that.It was against every fibre of my being.

It's just that slowly,from the past,you've been moving further and further away from me.Like you never needed me,like you used to.Guess you don't anymore.Or maybe you never did.

I used to lean on you,and I think you leaned on me too,a few times.That's what's friends do.

I don't know why I'm suddenly thinking about you again.I've had dreams about you.I didn't ask for them.

I'm also pushing you away cos I don't want to affect your wonderful world with my problem of not being able to forget you.

Is it the wrong thing to do? Tell me.Oh wait.You have no idea what you do to me,do you? Cos you're in your world and I'm in mine.Seperate.

I know this sounds contradicting but I'm still here,if you ever need me.Just like I promised that I always would be. And tell me,if I'm ever wrong,correct my mistakes.

I wonder if she'll read this.Maybe yes,maybe no.Either way,posting this was my way of letting it out.Monkey off my back,if you will.

Ain't got much going on in my life to distract me.I've got school and that's it.

Repercussions may come.Other readers may label me a wuss but close friends know that this is the way I am and I don't care what outsiders label me,only my close friends,cos they matter.

I don't wanna move on.I hate that I have to.

'I know you'll be better off without me when I'm gone.You know you're beautiful' - Ryan Cabrera "Shine On"