As They Take Their Leave

My real fear is that I'll slip back into the oblivion that I was mired in when I was 16 and 17.I pulled myself out of the rut and during my time in ITE found belief in myself again,thanks to the belief of others in me.

In that environment,there were also many catalysts that gave me focus,that simply gave me the will to try by their mere presence.There was ONE that did so many things for me,in so many ways.ONE that was my guiding light,whether they knew it,I don't know.

But I've got to stop living in the past.I've been dragging myself out of it,slowly.

But with it comes old dangers in a new environment.

I'm afraid that I'll slip back into nothingness.That I'll become meek,afraid of life.Like how I USED to be.

It seems foolish that I'm making myself sound so vunerable on such a public platform but I only do so cos I truly believe that all of us go through similar moments in our lives.

I am afraid that,without the familiarity of such a friendly environment that I was used to,I will slip through the cracks due to my own reluctance and fall short of my desired expectations.

The difference between now and when I was 16,I know where I want to go.Back then,when I was lost,I had no one to turn to and I had no idea about how I wanted to live my life.

Now,at least I do.

That still doesn't take away this fear that arises sometimes but it does keep me sane and reassure me that I'm far too busy to fall away just like that.

The guiding light of the past were there for a reason.I believe that God put them there cos he knew that I needed something to pick me up and get me going again.

Boy,He sure succeeded.But now,He's taken them away.Again,for a reason.

The fear does come sometimes and I do ask Him where the guiding lights disappeared to and contended that I needed them to continue to rise like I did in ITE.But He disagrees.

Cos I've had it in me to survive all along, that's why I say I won't be lost like I was.

Sorry for such a dramatic entry but I just had one of those moments about how scary life can be sometimes.

And in those times,we look around for things that kept us safe and smiling once,only to find that they've gone and we're left to fend for ourselves.


"I know that you're leaving.You must have your reasons.The season,is callin'.Your pictures, are falling down.


And it's happened once again.I'll turn to a friend,someone that understands.Sees thru the masterplan.

...

But everybody's gone,and I've been here for too long.To face this on my own.


Well I guess this is growing up."


Blink 182 - Dammit


Read the lyrics,I put it for a reason.It perfectly sums up what I just said.

Like I said;

Life gets scary every once in a while.And you start wondering who will actually stick around.

But that said,I'm sure I won't falter this time round.