Smiling; Thinking You're Dry In The Rain

A couple of things have happened since I last posted.

On Monday,the CCA members presented our two CCA teachers with tokens of recognition for all their hard work this busy year.We did it on the down low,roping in the teachers' bosses and their boss as well.All of them are rather supportive of our CCA to an extent.Besides,the official look added to the veil of secrecy we put up for our CCA teachers who did not suspect a dang thing.Not one iota.

Now that the Exco and most members already have or will be graduating,I guess that was another sign that this batch was winding down and the year was over.Almost.We still have a few things to take care of.

On Wednesday I got my new phone.a Sony Ericsson W850.It's perhaps not as capable of emanating the same decibels of sound as my old one but it'll do.It's 2.0 MPX camera is an improvement from that of the previous phone.Quite happy to have a Walkman phone again.

Tomorrow is the last day of the term.Looking forward to the break despite the fact that there will be work to do during the break.Just waiting for the few days of doing nothing and just lazing around.Just a few days during the hols.

I don't know about Roswell Girl.She doesn't seem to want to interact as much as she did before.Even when she does it sounds forced.Certainly not enthusiastic.Could be a number of reasons why she's doing this.

1) She's missing her boy..bad.She's doesn't feel herself cos its really affected her.Possibly she's even back with him.I don't know.

2) She's got her clique of girlfriends that she's close to and doesn't really feel like talking to a guy like me anymore,definitely if it's not necessary.Like she doesn't really need me except the odd favour here and there.

3) She can't look at me the same way ever since she knew officially from me that I liked her.It has been a slow degeneration,pulling away very subtly so I wouldn't notice.

4) She may want to pull away from me 'for my own good'.She's thinking if she does that,I may not be interested in her anymore and pull away.

These are just a couple of theories that I've come up with to try and convince myself,to find reasons for the oddities and inevitabilities of life.

I think that it's Reason 2 & 3 mainly but then again I think all 4 reasons feature somehow.

I just backspaced on some opinions I have about this.I realised it would be wrong for me to make judgements and assumptions.She has her reasons.It's hard for me to understand but I have to deal with it.I don't know what's going on right now.

It would be so easy to get up and do Reason 4.But I do have this thought.Would that mean that all my words in these months would mean nothing,taking such a short time disintergrate?

I promised myself that I would be a true friend to her.I proclaimed her to be so much more than MJ.Did you really think that I was going to cast her out of my mind just like that?

But having said that,it's not clinging on in an obsessive manner.Rather,it is with reluctant acceptance that I carry on.A part of me thinks that this is all to be expected in my life and I shouldn't really be surprised.

I've always said that this wasn't love.That it was infatuation.But Aini countered with the theory that you could love someone who doesn't love you back.Ah,i realised that this could be what they called unrequited love.

Dreamers would call me loyal.However they are a rare breed and most people in the world would call me a fool.

Then let it be,if it must.

Still,regardless of the reason,I'll be a man and admit that it hurts that a girl like her could pull away.

I stick by what I said about having never met a girl like her.All the superlatives and praises I lauded her with still stand.I certainly believe that my words aren't that cheap.I said them about her cos I believe it to be my true opinion of her.

The difference with this and MJ is that I'm not sinking in a hole.I'm moving on with other aspects of my life cos I've got things to do,places to go and people to see.

Hurts? Yes. Got me down and out? Heck no.

In case you still don't get it,I don't hate her and I never will.Perhaps she is sick of me and thinks of me in a negative manner.Maybe she despises me in secret.I don't know.

Let her think the way she wants to.I live my life the way I want to,as much as life allows me to.