I Treasure The More Valuable You

Ok the comp been really lagging and its near reboot mode.Hopefull my sis will not have any objections this time round.

Been a while hasn't it? Since I made any last significant update.Even my last few ones have been below par in terms of substance,nothing more than random notes of heartbreak.

The exhilarating chase is over and I've come out burned.Wiser perhaps though that is still not proven.

To wish her 'all the best' would sound too cliched and too 'Hallmark' for me.Perhaps it would be better for me,someone who believe(believed?) in that romantic la-dee-das,to hope for the new couple that they get to undergo all the wonderful parts of a great relationship,agruements included.

Here's to them Roswell Girl and her boy.You 'll find happiness in my tragedy and still I smile.=)

You leave with me clutching on to fond memories and I say that 'you still have me the same way did when I first noticed you'.

But there is one regret,other than the obvious fact that she never chose me.The way we left things,it wasn't right.It doesn't feel right.If this outcome was inevitable than I would wish to turn back time only for the chance that we would still be as close as we were before.

We're still friends but let's not kid around here.Things are different.Somehow.Nothing's been said but I can feel it.I can just feel it.

How I wish we could go back to the day when it was all fine and dandy when us talking to each other meant just two close friends sharing stories.I miss those days.

Honestly,I have no idea how she sees us as friends anymore.I have had no idea for quite some time actually.

Is it overactive imagination on my part or is it true? Is she SLOWLY tearing herself away from me,with inevitable seperation only months away before we both move on and for now just affording the barest of courtesies to me simply because we're still classmates?

It may seem rather extreme to make such exaggerating statments but such has the way things developed between us that I can't make out if the situation is a hostile one or otherwise.

If I were to label it,it would be that I've gone from "a good guy friend I have that I share problems with and he shares with me" to now "oh him? he's just a classmate of mine.that's all."

Is that descriptive enough to describe the way I THINK SHE'S THINKING now?

Does love have to be shamed here?If I had kept it in.Kept my emotions in check.If she had not been able to read the emotions I left plastered on my face,would we still be as close?

Here I am left to lament the state of things as they stand wondering if my best efforts caused the worst effects.I was so afraid of losing her after two years in school but now it looks like I've managed to lose her even before then.

Why has it come to this?

There is a small sense of achievement in the fact that I feel that this has been my most lucid,insighful and well-thought out post in quite a while.

I chased my dreams but I've lost you along the way.