Everything Goes Cold

Didn't think I'd post again today but here I am.

All has been solved.I know why Roswell Girl has shied away from me.

She's found a new love.It seems that way.The one that I said that would make her smile again,find her laugh again and catch her tears.I've seen a thumbnail photo of him online and now I know the face of the one blessed by God.

I admit,I was initially confused and angry.With myself.And with God,even though you're not really supposed to be.Note,that I never was angry at her.

I shall heed the unspoken request and back off.Not an easy thing.It was hurting.But for the moment at least,I'm okay.

I always said that I wanted to see her smile.Hope that she would find what she was looking for.That I would be happy for her.

I'll like to keep my word here.So go ahead,Roswell Girl.Go to him and find yourself again.

Every word I said about her,I stand by it.Her cute smile,her big eyes,her even bigger heart.

I've been sure about the fact I'm infatuated with her.But was it ever 'love'? I never thought so till Aini told me about the possibility of loving someone and have it not returned.

Was it ever love? I don't know and I don't dare to speculate.Perhaps,those close to me would be better off making their own judgements based on what they make of my thoughts and actions around her.

It seems that this blog has become a public parade of the trials and tribulations,particularly with Roswell Girl.Heck,even my teacher knows I like her.

This has been a source of entertainment for you guys perhaps.To deride me for my foolishness and being so naive.Or to learn from my mistakes.Or to follow my journey as a friend.I don't know why I've written it all out here.Must be my creative side finding an outlet to express and to be heard.But I have made it public for all to see and judgements are inevitable.It doesn't matter.

I don't need everyone to sympathise with me.Cos it isn't neccessary.Not many are well-placed to give comments or be forced to say something.

I wonder what Aini and Wahida will make of this.Cos they are perhaps best placed to gather a prespective on this.Oh and Elyra as well,she's always got something to say this matter.

Well,in the past 36 hours,I've slept for only 3 hours.Don't worry,it wasn't Roswell induced.

I reckon this has been a rather eventful day for me.I even swept the house.Something I rarely do.It'll be best for me to get some shuteye soon.

I have to thank God for letting me find the patience to deal with such crushing news.I don't know how it will be over the next few weeks.Probably all up and down and all over the place.But this time,I have lots of work to focus on.

I've always thought that work would distract me and they will.I just wonder if I go too much into it.

One of my faults has always been that I'm an idealist.Gullibly,I believe the poignant moments in sappy movies like A Walk To Remember and Love Actually.

I've always been a bit of a dreamer as close friends would know but I have to be realistic or I'll end up hurt and stupid.

I still am that idealist but a part of me doesn't believe in love anymore.

The next best thing to do is to take advantage of life's other opportunities and make progress in my studies and in future,work.I would have to have faith that love would come the way of the this idealist.It's all a matter of faith.

Honestly at this point of time,I'm sorry but I'm a little low on the belief issue now,especially after this.