Wanted: A Second Wind

Another day of doing nothing.

I felt so haggard today,feeling like an absolute bum, like it seemed that everyone else was out and about with something today,though that may not actually be true.

I'm aware it's the term break and it may seem out of the blue to be talking about motivation. For school that is.

Generally,it's a widespread belief that no one actually looks forward to school with the exception of maybe a few people. But I THINK it's rather safe to say that nobody goes "Woohoo,YEAH! SCHOOL!!!"

I'm bringing this up cos,like a friend of mine,I'm tired out by the mere fact that the school term starts again next Monday.

It's a matter of motivation,or rather,the lack of it.

It could be down a few things.

As much improvement as it has made and it is a really okay place to be in,poly life is much different to the time I had in ITE.The friends in poly are fine and I met a couple of really good people but it just ain't the same. They're just not the crowd that I'm used to.I'm saying that the people in ITE are ultimately my crowd and just that cos everyone is adaptable and can change according to the situation.It's just that I've gotten used to the type of people I've been around and they've been a great bunch.This crowd at poly is different and new.

Even if I've gotten used to it generally,I think I've yet to adjust myself to the little things.The jokes,the little rituals,the situations that we find ourselves in as a class.All just totally different. Plus,if you've not noticed,I've rather liked how things were in the past.

Yeah,I didn't exactly have perfect attendance but it was pretty okay going to school and sometimes even fun.Lots of it.The inside jokes,the music and also face of unity that lay above the fragments of dis-unity that was at the underbelly.All that made the school experience what it was.It would also be fair to say that I had extra motivation that came in the form of an emissary of Venus. (this last sentence is cryptic on purpose!)

Also...

I still think that deep down,I know I have the wherewithal to achieve a lot in poly but with this difficult settling-in period coupled with the general 'screwing up' of the first round of tests,it would be difficult to deny that my enthusiasm and self-belief have somewhat been dampened by little clouds of self-doubt.

So,somehow,somewhere I need to find new motivation.I have to if I wanna reach my goals that I set,both long and short-term.

If I continue with this disinterested approach,I'm not going to get that high up in poly.I'll make it through fine but I won't succeed.

Please note that I'm not an overachiever,it's just I realised what needs to be done to go on try to have some measure of success and a life not wasted later on.

So I guess I gotta look and hope for things to come that will give me a kick up in my gluteus maximus.